Forever and Always

Chapter 53 - Do You Even Realize

"What?" I exclaimed, all too loudly for social cues, covering my mouth quickly, embarrassed by my outburst. "What?" I said again in a more hushed tone of voice.

"Look Eren, I didn't ask him to come, but I'm not gonna not see him. He just lost his fucking wife. I would want to see him if something ever happened to you."

"But you and I both know that the only way you have ever taken care of him is with sex. How do you think I feel? He told me that he was in love with you still. You really don't think I'm not terrified?"

"Eren-" he tried to say before I cut him off.

"No, don't you "Eren" me. I'm mad at you and I have every right to be. You can't just spring it on me like this. I don't know that I would survive you cheating on me. Especially now that I'm the one taking care of our baby."

"I understand why you're upset with me, but would you rather me not have told you? I tried to call you earlier, but-"

"I was in fucking school! I have my phone on silent," I snapped, again much too loudly. Poppy looked up at me, confused. I sighed and quietly apologized to my daughter. "Sorry I'm with Poppy. My mom got called in for surgery. So she came to school with me."

"Look. You need to take a deep breath, Eren. I love you, and exclusively you. Have faith in that, okay? I would never betray you like that. You know that. You know me. Better than anybody else."

"But Farlan's there. And I'm not. And Farlan is really hot and-"

"Shut up. I know he's hot."

"Wow, that makes me feel so much better," I snorted bitterly, feeling anger continue to bubble up.

"Eren, please."

"No. It isn't that I don't trust you. I don't trust him, and I've been betrayed by people before. I just- I'm just scared. Do you even realize how scary this is for me? Here I am, across the country while you're living it up with your ex boyfriend who is still very much in love with you. I hate this. I just miss you so fucking much and I want you here with me. I can't do this by myself, Levi. Farlan is there. Your ex-boyfriend!"

"We never dated. We were just friends," he muttered a quick response.

"With benefits!" I yelped getting a couple stares from other customers. "I don't know what kinda friends you have, but I don't sleep with mine. Look, your sloppy seconds doesn't want you to keep Farlan waiting. Go have fun."

"C'mon Eren. You're not sloppy seconds. You know that. Quit being dramatic. You know I'm not gonna do anything with him. You're not playing fair."

"Oh I'm being dramatic? That's hilarious." I looked up and saw my friend carrying the tray of burgers to us with a knowing look in her eyes. 

"Eren you know me. You know I would never do something like that."

"Do I?" I snapped. Levi was speechless, and the sound he made in response was like he had just had the wind knocked out of him. Like he had been punched in the diaphragm by my words. "Whatever, Christa's back with the food. I'm gonna go. Bye. I love you."

"Love you t-" he sighed as I hung up the phone on him with a loud sigh.

"You okay?" Christa asked, reaching across the table and patting my shoulder. I nodded and rubbed my eyes out of habit.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I told you about Farlan, right?" I asked, offering Poppy a few french fries, which she took gratefully with a chipper smile and a quiet thank you.

Christa shook her head. "I mean you've mentioned him, but I've only heard good things. Why? Is something up with him? I mean, yeah he just lost his wife, but," she trailed off.