Forever and Always

Chapter 13 - Scared

We made our way to the hotel where we were staying, a long evening of acting straight starting to wear thin on our patience. We quickly made our way to our room, the door closing and locking behind us. Levi had a devious smirk on his face.

"What are you looking at?" I hedged, biting my bottom lip suggestively.

"What is it a crime to stare at my fiancee?" Levi said the last word in a dirty whisper, like matrimony was suddenly a sin that he was getting ready to commit.

"Not at all," I trailed off, looking at his body hungrily. We were less than a foot apart but the inches separating us felt like miles.

"Can you try?" Levi asked.

"Try?" I asked.

"Try to take control. I wanna see how much I can take."

My stomach dropped. "Are you sure? I don't wanna push it."

"Let's just see," Levi pushed. He was dominant, even trying to bottom.

"If you get uncomfortable make sure you tell me. I don't wanna hurt you. You can take over at any time, okay?"

Levi nodded. "Okay. But don't be gentle. I'll beat your fucking ass if you hold back."

I nodded, leaning in to kiss him. I met our lips together lustfully, trying to keep a handle on myself. Levi gripped my hair at the roots, locking our lips tighter together. I slid my tongue across his bottom lip, wordlessly asking for permission to continue. Levi opened his mouth and I slipped my tongue into of the warm wetness inside. Levi took his hands out of my hair, taking my hands in his.

"Touch me," he whispered heavily against my mouth. He guided my hands towards his ass, returning his fingers to my hair. I worked my way back into his mouth and moved one hand to his thigh, gripping it tightly and lifting it as he hooked his leg around mine. He gasped when I squeezed his firm body against mine, before moaning softly and sucking on my tongue in his mouth.

It was like a switch had flipped in his brain. He wasn't the same boy that had nailed me to the back seat of his car the night before. I felt the rigidity slowly melting away, his walls starting to crumble.

"Grind me down," Levi commanded, his voice a sultry whisper as he pulled my hips into his with his lifted leg. I gasped at his command, not fully used to being the one in control. I did what he asked, migrating a hand to his hips to steady before grinding my clothed erection onto his. His hips moved expertly against mine, rolling into me like a professional. Then he froze.

He gasped and instantly switched positions, trembling as he gripped my shirt and slammed me into the wall, kissing me fiercely. I pulled back and tipped his chin up towards mine.

"Hey what happened? You were doing so well." I asked softly.

"I-I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Eren. I r-really can't," Levi gasped. "I'm sorry," he said again, planting his forehead into my shoulder in defeat.

"Hey, Levi don't apologize. I told you not to push yourself. It's okay. I love you so much, and I don't want you to go too far with this before you're ready."

"Thanks, Eren. I'm really sorry though. I know you said not to apologize but I really want you to be able to do this without me freaking out like a baby."

"You're not freaking out like a baby, Levi. You have every right to be terrified. I just hate to be the one to scare you."

"It isn't you. I promise. Don't think it's you that scares me, promise me you don't think that."

"I know," I mumbled.

"No, baby," Levi said, taking my face in his hand and staring deep into my eyes. His steel eyes welled up with tears as he pleaded for a promise. "I need to hear you promise me."

"I promise that I know it isn't me."

"Okay, good," Levi whispered, more to himself, before hugging me tightly around my waist. I engulfed his body in my arms, and we stood there for a long time, swaying back and forth. I rested my chin on the top of his head. Levi sniffed, his silent sobs wracking his whole body.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked, gently trailing my fingers up and down his back.

"No," Levi said through his stuffy nose.

"Are you sure?" I asked, softly.

"Yeah," Levi said abuptly, stiffly pulling back. "I need a minute. I'm sorry."

"O-okay," I said quietly, caught off guard, letting Levi leave my arms. He crawled into the hotel bed, curling into a tight ball and sobbing.

"I'm sorry," he cried, rocking back and forth, his head buried in his knees. I felt horrible. As much as Levi said it wasn't me that made him feel this way, I couldn't ignore the fact that if I hadn't tried to take control, everything would be okay.

"Don't apologize. It's okay. You don't have to do this for me, Levi. I can't watch you hurt yourself."

Levi cried louder, his sobbing filling the room. I walked to the side of the bed where he was curled up. I sat on the floor and squeezed his foot.

"It's okay, Levi. It's okay," I murmured, reaching up and petting his soft hair. "I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to push you."

"I'm just so weak!" Levi whispered through his tears.

"Hey, don't you ever say that again. You're not weak. You are so strong. I'm so proud of you for even trying tonight. I love you to the moon and back and there's nothing you could ever do to change that. I never want you to forget how much I love you."

"I - I love you so much."

"Do you want to watch some tv to get your mind off of it?" I asked, desperately trying to make him happy again.

"Okay," Levi whispered, sitting up and wiping his eyes. "I feel like such a baby. I'm not supposed to cry. I feel like I'm not as manly as I should be. I'm too feminine to top all the time."

"What are you talking about, Levi?" I asked, climbing onto the bed, keeping my distance in case Levi still wanted some space. "Crying doesn't make you a baby. Everybody cries and you're going through a lot of shit right now, feeling a lot of emotions. It's okay to cry sometimes. That doesn't make you less of a man, Levi. It makes you just like the rest of us. And I love it when you top, so don't even worry about being too girly. I'm definitely the girly one in this relationship. I love our dynamic. I love you, Levi."

"I love you too. I just feel bad sometimes when I can't let you do to me what I do to you." He was still curled up in a ball, but his head stuck out the top.

"Hey," I whispered, trying to distract him by opening my arms and wiggling my eyebrows. He hesitantly moved over and snuggled up against my body. I grabbed the remote off the nightstand and turned on the TV, turning on HGTV and scratching Levi's back absent mindedly.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, almost as if he was clinging to me for dear life.  He hooked one of his legs over mine, holding me even tighter.

"Levi," I started, glancing down at him during a commercial break.

"Hmm?" He hummed, willing me to continue. He looked up at me with wide eyes. There was a soft, wistful look in his eyes. I tipped his chin up, placing a chaste kiss on his soft lips.

"You're perfect, Levi. I promise, I'll love you forever."