Forever and Always

Chapter 46 - With Great Power

"Well fuck," I mutter in response, not voicing my initial response, afraid it would only add to the stress of everything that was piling on Levi's shoulders. Levi takes a sip of his scalding tea and runs a hand through his uncharacteristically messy black hair.

Normally, every hair had its place, but today, he was pulling apart at the seams, totally frazzled, and couldn't be bothered to give a single damn about how his hair looked. His cheeks were still streaked with inky black eyeliner from the day before, deep purple exhaustion rings permanently settled under his eyes. Even in all of his agony, he was beautiful, and I couldn't help but observe him.

"We'll figure it out," Levi tried to smile, but the wider he tried to smile, only tears spilled from his eyes. I reached across the table, taking his cold hand in mine and trying not to burst into tears along with him. Watching him this sad broke me in ways I had never been broken before. I had to hold him together, or I would fall apart with him.

"Of course we will, Babe," I assured him, squeezing his hand softly. "We're gonna make it through this together. I love you."

"I know. And you're a saint for it. I'm so in love with you, but honestly I have no idea why you aren't doing better. Eren, I'm scared that I'm always gonna be like this. Disappointing. "

I shook my head, instantly upset that he would even think something like that. "No. Levi. Believe it or not, I think you're a wonderful person. But you're like a geode. Kinda hard, sad boring rock on the outside, but with the potential to be something beautiful. My father had a huge thing for geodes, and cutting them open with him is one of the best memories I have of him."

"But your father is a royal cunt and not all geodes have nice pretty crystals inside. Some are just as terrible on the inside as they are on the outside."

"But not you. You're perfect. Levi, I know what you're made of. And it's something that I can't even begin to describe, but god damn, it's beautiful. And I know I'm getting all poetic on you, and I'm sorry. I don't do it often, But, Levi. You're not understanding something that I really need you to wrap your head around.

"I couldn't possibly do better than you because you are the love of my life. If something happened to you, I would never recover. Why do you think I said yes so quickly, and then held you to it? Why do you think I didn't back down when you walked in high off your ass? Or when I heard about Poppy? What normal seventeen year old would be so willing to be locked down? Especially by a dude that already has a kid and a drug history? I had never been more suicidal in my life than when I thought you might not come back to me. Waiting in that hospital room with Kenny was probably the worst two days of my life. I didn't even know if I was gonna see you open your eyes again. How do you think I went from hating your guts to literally flying across the country to make you feel better?"

"I-" Levi started to say, but I cut him off again, squeezing his hand tighter in mine.

"No. Stop. You're gonna think of some lame excuse for why I somehow deserve better, and I really don't wanna fucking hear it." I gently touched his chin with my other hand, brushing tears from his smooth skin with my fingertips. His cheeks were splotchy and red from all the crying he had done, his nose a light pink. "I love you more than anything. And you more than deserve to be happy. And I promise right now that getting engaged to you has been the highlight of my life. My life, Levi. And I couldn't be more thrilled to see you again. The circumstances are kinda shitty, though."

"Wow," Levi muttered. "I- I-" he tried to start, but he couldn't get words past the flood of tears.

"Should we go?" I asked, eyeing his car keys. He only nodded. We stood and I instantly pulled him into a tight embrace.