Adrenaline

Nervous{Chapter VI}

Monday
Kamora Gray
I was caught and unfortunately I wasn't surprised. I knew my friends would peep I was acting funny but what can a girl do when their life is falling apart?

I wanted to have faith in my book but how? I knew being an author would come with heat I just never believed anybody when they said it now look at me. In a hard place trying to pick up the broken pieces in my life.

I put my uniform on and headed to the diner, I was hoping that the first day was going to go smooth but I still prepared myself for the worst. I walked in and Nadia greeted me happily, her smile was so big and bright that it almost blinded me.

"Oh hey Nadia" I said not trying to be weird but trying to keep my cool
I wasn't sure of her sexuality just yet but I thought if I flirted maybe she'll flirt back and if not then I'll back off.

"Ready for your first day beautiful?" She asked me
"Uh sure" I replied nervous
"Okay this is where we clock in and after you're done doing that just wait for a customer. It's all real simple, I said that because you'll be at the counter you don't have to worry about the tables." She said

"Okay great"I said
"So I'll have to be a octopus today because I have to train you and deal with my tables. I'll be fine though because Blair will take care of them" she continued

I just stayed quiet and waited for her to show me the ropes once a customer came in.

About around 8:00 o'clock customers started to pour in like crazy. After an hour of Nadia teaching me everything I was on a roll. I was getting so exhausted but the day wasn't over, I couldn't believe I would have to deal with this for how ever long.

It hit 9:00 o'clock at night and the diner was just now closing up. I was gathering my things and was going to clock out until Nadia's voice stopped me.

"You did good for your first day." She simply stated
"Really? Thank you. You're a good teacher" I chuckled
"I just think you're a fast learner" she said

"I don't really think so, but umm see you later" I replied awkwardly
"Wait! Kamora?" She said
"Yes?" I answered
"Would you-are you into girls ?" She asked

I wanted to smile so big but I couldn't that would've made the situation awkward.
"Yes" I said being overly weird
"Well I wanna take you on a date. Can I?" She asked
"Sure, where at?" I asked
"The capital grill" she replied
"Oh my. Well okay? I'll meet you there umm?"

"Friday" she replied
"It's a date, goodnight Nadia" I said
She smiled and then walked away, my skin developed goosebumps and my cheeks were red. I couldn't believe she made the first move, I wasn't expecting it at all but I was grateful.

Yanaí Tate
I was making improvement day by day. I was proud of myself for not drinking at Jp's event. I was about to walk over to the bar and order patron shots but I had to stop myself.

My sponsor was helping me get through everything I was grateful for her because I knew I couldn't do this by myself. I wanted to be happy and with that being said I had to change for the better.

I woke up and got ready for work and braced myself for the day. I still had to pretend around my friends and that made me upset but if I got over this problem privately I'll be more successful because I loved them but they asked too many questions.

After work I went to go see my sponsor, she was really doing a good job guiding me like I can't brag on this enough. I knocked on the door and I saw her little chubby face buried into a book with her red reading glass at the tip of her nose.
"Hi Miss Joseph" I said
"Oh hey dear I wasn't expecting you but I'm glad you're here. How's everything? I know it's only been a couple of days but still, are you having a hard time?" She asked
"I haven't been drinking but I've been finding myself wanting to" I replied sitting down
"Oh darling, it'll be that way you just have to be strong. Control the habit don't let it control you." She told me
"Yeah you're right but this will be so hard like Miss Joseph I'm really trying. I've been hiding this from my friends and family for months. It's a lot of pressure that's weighing on me I really cannot help it" I answered with my voice shaking and covering my face
"Listen to me Yanaí you lift your head high and you pull the bridle to that horse that's controlling you. IT'S NEVER SUPPOSE TO BE EASY! Because guess what? Listen to me. If it's easy then it's not good enough, everything has a process. Everything that comes easy ain't good it's never suppose to be easy I promise you that." She stated
I moved my hands from my face and grabbed a tissue from the box to wipe my tears. I loved Miss Joseph for this certain period in my life I didn't know who else to turn to when I was ashamed of myself.
"Thank you Miss Joseph, for everything I really mean it. I'll see you next time I'll let you get some rest since it's late." I said
"No problem you know I don't go to sleep until 9:00. Keep stopping by though because I love helping you out. Next time when your off we can probably go for a walk...fresh air ya know? But goodnight honey" she replied
"Goodnight Miss Joseph and I'll take you up for that walk" I said as I walked toward the door
I made my way home and thought about everything I went over with Miss Joseph. I had so much stress on my back that I completely forgot about my house warming party. I had to be out of here by next week and I was nowhere near down packing. I had an idea though maybe if my friends helped me I'll get things done a little faster. I showered and read my book until I got tired. I was about to cut my lamp off until Tre texted my phone on some come over type shit. I wasn't necessarily thinking when I replied to him but oh well...what's the wrong in having sex? Plus I've been celibate for 6 months now. I replied to his messages letting him know that he can come over. It's been awhile since we saw each other, I remember when I first met him. I was at a bar after May ditched me to tend to Kendall. He walked up to me and offered to buy me a drink, I got really fucked up that the night that its a blur I don't recall anything. All I remember was waking up in his house with a big white tee laying in his bed. He told me he didn't try anything and that he washed my clothes because I threw up on it. Tre was so sweet and husband material but I wasn't the type to commit to anybody because I liked being independent. I've worked too hard in my career, in my life to ever waste my time on a man. Men were temporary from what I experienced in my past relationships. I had bad luck with men since high school, it was a pattern and after awhile I just gave up. Tre and I had sex from time to time but he never bothered to ask what we were because I figured he knew my intentions.
He knocked on the door and opened it and before any type of communication he just grabbed me and I wrapped my legs around him. We went from kissing to touching to stripping each other. About 40 minutes later we were both breathing heavy laying flat on our backs. I reached over to grab some water and he looked at me. I didn't know what question to expect but I prepared myself before he got the chance to ask it.
"Yanaí what we doing bruh?" He asked me
"What are you talking about Tre?" I asked him
"I just wanna know what this is, you answer when I call and I answer when you call. Yo what's good? Like deadass on my momma I'm starting to feel something for you" he stated
I just looked at him and blinked because how do you tell somebody that you are afraid of committing to them?
"You know relationships aren't my thing I don't even know why you would bring that up! I'm happy with keeping you from a distance, this is a no strings attached type of situation." I told him
"Yanaí we been fucking for time to time, don't you think a person with a soul and a heart will catch feelings by now! You know me dawg you know I'm not no one night type nigga!" He yelled standing up
"How you gon say that!? You CALLED me! I didn't call you I been tried to leave you alone but you did this to yourself. I don't have shit to do with nothing you got going on. Maybe you should think about what you actually need because I'm everything you WANT I'm not the one for you I'll never be" I sat up in the bed after the statement
"Man you act like you don't want love, shit you don't even know what love is. It can be directly in front of you and you won't know. Goodnight Yanaí have a good life!" He put his clothes on urgently and left
I low key felt bad but at the same time I was sorta right I didn't make him pick up the phone to text me. I was wrong just a tad bit for replying but nobody is perfect, besides he caught feelings not me. I took another shower and laid back down, I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I closed my eyes, I got up and drunk some NyQuil but that didn't work either. I just laid on my side and watched the clock change from 10:00 to 11:00. I forced myself to fall asleep because I didn't want to be grouchy in the morning at work. Before I knew it the alarm clock was beeping at 6:00 o'clock in the morning. I knocked the alarm over and got up then got ready for work. I didn't care about fixing my hair because I was exhausted even though I went to sleep around 12:00. I arrived to work and saw May and Jp talking I walked over to join them for a friendly conversation.
"Good morning y'all" I said
"Girl what the fuck is wrong with your hair? You okay?" Jp asked
"I'm fine I'm just tired" I replied
"What happened?" May asked
"Yeah what the hell really happened cause sus you look fucked up" Jp added in
"Thank you Jp I really appreciate it, and me and Tre really got into it" I said
"Oh hell nah not that black nigga again" Jp said rolling his eyes
"Yeah I know I know no need to say anything more because I know!" I replied in shame
"What the fuck naí?" May asked rhetorically
"Sorry!" I shouted
"Okay we'll talk about this later, are you going to be in good shape to make it to Mora's book release party?" May asked me
"Oh shit! That is tonight...I'll be there Where is it?" I asked
"Maine street, you know Lucy's book store?" She asked
"Oh yeah! I'll be there!" I replied rubbing my face
"Yeah you need to get it together. All seriousness don't come to that girl party like that,Yanaí you know how important this is to her." Jp said
"Yeah I know I won't embarrass her" I replied
I went to the elevator and up to my floor. The whole day I felt like trash,I just kept thinking about Tre's words "Man you act like you don't want love, shit you don't even know what love is. It can be directly in front of you and you won't know." I really made him fall for me without even noticing. I felt cold hearted for leading him on, he was truly a good man but I was too blind to see that all because I was independent and felt like I didn't need anyone. When the day was over I actually sat back and thought about everything. Maybe I could give him a chance but I don't know I was really indecisive about the choice I was bound to make. I was going to apologize to him because as a women I was in the wrong and if the roles were switched I'll be pissed too.