His Only Savior | #Wattys2019

Chapter 19

My parents didn't push for more information, sensing my exhausted state they allowed me to cry silently until I fell asleep in their arms.  It felt good being wrapped in their love when I felt so empty and dead inside.  My heart felt like shards in my chest, just the thought of Isaac caused my chest to constrict forcing those shards to pierce the flesh inside.  The only thing that brought me peace was the blackness that engulfed me as I slept.  My mind empty, my body calm.

When I awoke, I found Becca in bed beside me her nose buried in a book.  "Good morning," I mumbled my voice still groggy from sleep.

"Morning," she forced a smile.  "Your mom called me after you fell asleep last night.  I headed right over, but you were out pretty cold."  She paused before asking, "I know your answer, but I have to ask.  Are you okay?"

I sucked my cheeks in so I could bite down on them.  A million thoughts ran through my mind, but only one came out.  "Why would he abandon me...again?"

Her face turned sour as if she had just taken a bite out of a lemon.  "Em, you can't honestly say you are surprised look at what he's done to you these last three years."  She set the book down before continuing, "I know that this is hard to hear but why would this time be any different?"

"Becca," I paused nervously as the memories of every touch, kiss and word flurried through my mind.

Her eyes grew wide, understanding the words my lips could not form.  "Y-you had sex with him, didn't you?"  Shaking her head, she tried to wrap her mind around what she knew to be true.  I didn't need to respond, she knew my answer.  "How?"

"He needed somewhere to go, and I just couldn't say no.  He begged me to live in the moment for that single day and we did.  It felt natural and real, as if there had never been a lapse in our friendship."  I paused, "It was my choice.  Things just went wrong somewhere, it wasn't anyone's fault.  His greatest fear came true, and he couldn't risk it happening again.  I am trying so hard to understand his point of view, but I can't accept that he doesn't think I'm worth it."

"Em, the bruise around your neck is horrible.  It's hard for me to not run down the street and kick his ass myself.  I'm not even sure how Gabriel is keeping his cool!"  She searched my face, "You have to give me more than what you told you parents."

"I can't, it isn't mine to tell."

"No, screw that and screw him!"

"Becca please?"

"Either you tell me or I'm going there right now to ask him myself!"  She stood from my bed, but I gripped her arm to pull her roughly back down to the comfort of my mattress.

"He's being abused," I blurted out.  "He was having a nightmare of some kind and I tried to wake him.  I'm not even sure he was fully awake, it was like he was looking right through me."

My words came out faster than she could process.  She sat there silently until she finally spoke up, "Is that why he's been pushing you away this whole time?"

"Yes.  He's worried he'll become like his dad and hurt me. So, when he did, he panicked.  Saying he couldn't do this, that he couldn't risk it."  The emotions of that night started to resurface, "I told him I never wanted to see him again, that I was done playing his game.  I didn't want to say it, but I needed to.  I can't keep repeating this vicious cycle of being hurt by the one person I want most."  Her eyes were locked onto mine as she absorbed each word.  "I can't keep feeling abandoned by him."