His Only Savior | #Wattys2019

Chapter 21

When the bus pulled into the parking lot of the hotel the atmosphere was buzzing with excitement.  As expected, the boys brought home yet another win.  Sean was so thrilled that he threw me over his shoulder as he ran onto the bus, eager for the long night ahead.  My mind surprisingly hadn't wondered off to think about the past, I remained completely in the present.  The guys made me laugh so hard my cheeks became sore.  Although I felt his blue eyes burning into the back of my skull, I ignored them.  I refused to let him ruin this night for me.  I refused to do anything but smile and enjoy my time with friends.

Everyone shoved off the bus, desperate to escape its tight confines to strip down and enjoy the cool water under the stars.  Becca and I changed quickly in our room before making our way back down.  As we reached the pool, we found the boys already diving into the clear water that was illuminated from its depths.  "You guys couldn't wait?"

"What's the fun in that?"  Charles teased Becca.  "Come on in and join us!"  He didn't have to repeat the request for me.  I took two quick steps then jumped into the air before tucking myself into a ball just before my body connected with the surface.  As I sank towards the bottom, I held my eyes wide open.  When I swam to the fresh air above a smile spread wide on my face, this was bliss.

"Damn get it girl," Sam yelled as he swam towards me.  He dived below the surface before finding his way under me.  Once he was in position, he stood with me on his shoulders.  "Anyone up for a game of chicken?"

"Yes!  Who dares to challenge us?!"  This was the happiest I had felt since the night I stumbled across the ugly truth of Isaac's reality.  The smile on my face contagious to those around me once again.  We played, we laughed, and we lived in the moment.  All of us together, no fear of the future and no thought of the past.  Isaac and Brittany were there but their presence was easy to ignore when I was surrounded by people who truly loved me.

As the night settled down Sean pulled me to the side, finding a quiet place to talk.  "Thanks for hanging out with us, it was good seeing the old you again."

"I kind of went away for a little bit, didn't I?"

"You did, but you're back and that is all that matters.  I know it's hard, but we are all here for you whenever you need us."  He looked me in the eyes, "I shouldn't tell you this because I know it will only confuse you more, but I have to.  I overheard Isaac talking to one of the other guys about Brittany, I guess he's only seeing her to try and forget about you."

"I don't want to talk about him."

"Em, it's okay to want to talk about him.  You don't have to hide that fact from me."

"I'm not hiding anything Sean.  I'm done.  I want him to be happy, but I can't keep worrying about him.  He clearly doesn't worry about me."  I scuffed.  "Especially if he's sleeping with someone like Brittany.  Like could he pick anyone more up in my face where I have to see it every day?"

"He's a guy."

"And?"

"And we do stupid shit and don't think things through.  I'm not saying forgive him or give him a chance to explain.  I'm just saying don't be afraid to talk about how you feel when it comes to him.  Bec and I are always willing to listen.  I know that's weird given our history but a part of me always knew you could never be mine when so much of you still belonged to him."

"I'm really sorry I made you feel that way, you didn't deserve that."  I frowned, "I just wish I could forget about him.  I hate him."

"No, you don't.  You and I both know that isn't true."

"Maybe, but he deserves to be hated."

"I don't disagree with you there, especially after how many times he has hurt you.  But we both know it will never be in you to hate him, a part of you will always love him." 

I shrugged my shoulders not wanting to acknowledge the truth in his words, but he was right.  No matter how hard I tried I could never hate him, a part of me would always love him.

"I should get some sleep.  Thank you for today," I smiled finally breaking the peaceful silence that fell over us.  He stood up and offered his hand which I gratefully accepted.  "Sean?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you for being someone I can talk to even when I don't deserve it."

"I knew what I was getting into when I decided I wanted you, you would always be his."  His voice was calm as he gently rubbed his thumb back and forth against my hand, leading the way back to my room for the night.

As we walked away, we passed Isaac.  My eyes never acknowledged him but every other inch of me responded to the sensation of his gaze.  His face solemn as if he had heard ever word shared between Sean and me.  I kept my head held high as we pushed on, heading into the darkness in search of my room.

When we reached the door, Sean spun me around until we stood only inches apart.  "I know I said some shitty things this year, but I am a patient man and I will continue to be patient."  My lips spread into a smile as he closed the distance to press his lips lovingly against mine.  Any thought of Isaac falling away.  It was time for me to put the past in the past and leave it where it belonged.  Even if that meant walking away from the one person I desired most.  The man in front of me was constant and I never had to question or worry about where we stood.  I never had to wonder if he loved me.  I wanted to find someone like that, someone that I loved like that.

"I refuse to not feel chosen every single day, and because of that I refuse to do that to you.  You deserve to be loved as strongly as you love, and I can't be that person."

"I know," he leaned his forehead against mine.  "I hope we both find that kind of love someday.  Just know I will always love you, and I will always root for you to find the love you deserve."

Wrapping my arms around his waist I leaned into him biting back the tears.  "What hurts the most is the fact I always thought it would be Isaac that would love me that way."

"I don't want to get your hopes up, but I think he does.  Just in his own way."  He gripped my shoulders while taking a step back, "Goodnight Em."

"Goodnight Sean," I whispered as I watched him walk back towards the pool.

Using my keycard, I opened the room.  After removing my wet swimsuit, I stepped into the shower allowing the steaming water to relax my muscles.  My mind drifted to another time as I sat at the base of the shower consuming me in memories I could never shake.  Memories of the love that grew into something I could never control no matter how desperately I wanted to.  I knew in that moment a piece of me would always belong to Isaac.