His Only Savior | #Wattys2019

Chapter 8

When I awoke it was well into the evening, I had slept the entire day away. The last of the day's sunlight bled soft orange tones though the curtains that were drawn closed over the windows. Rubbing at my eyes I attempted to remove any signs of sleep so that I appeared more awake. My eyes scanned the room and I soon noticed I was alone, no sign of Becca. That is until my eyes spotted a note on top of my journal, so I picked it up. It read:

Em,

I had to head out and didn't have the heart to wake you. I left water and Advil by the bed make sure to take it and get some food on your tummy. Oh, and go tell your man how you feel.

-Bec

A sweet smile crossed my lips at her words of encouragement. I knew delivering him the journal would most likely not change a thing, but I needed him to know. Dragging myself from my bed I found a pair of jeans that were thrown over a lounge chair I had in the corner of my room and quickly pulled them on. I scooped up the small journal and shoved it into my sweatshirt pocket before heading out of my room.

While walking down the stairs I noted that neither of my parents were home, so I slipped on my sneakers to head down the street. The closer I got to his home the more my heart pounded, my nerves causing the back of my neck to burn hot. My hands were shaking, and I did everything I could to calm my breathing.

When I reached his house, I hesitated to turn up the path that led to the olive-green door. Yet somehow, I found the strength and continued on my mission. The door to his home was suddenly the most intimidating thing I had ever faced. Taking a deep breath, I found the courage to knock.

"What do you want?" Mr. Holland gritted as he pulled the door open, "E-Emily is that you?"

"Hi Mr. Holland," I forced a smile. There was almost four feet of distance between us, but the stench of alcohol was still strong enough to curl the hairs in my nose. "Is Isaac back from school yet?"

"Um, yeah. He just got in, hold on." He took a few steps back in the house before yelling down the hall, "Isaac!"

"Yeah?" He came out in a hurry clearly scared of what his dad could want.

"Emily's here to see you," his dad said cheerfully. "It is so good to see you again." I couldn't help but smile; despite what I knew his words were genuine. He seemed absolutely delighted to see me again.

Isaac walked over to the door. "Hey, what are you doing here?" He seemed nervous, as if he was scared his father would do or say something because I was suddenly on his doorstep.

"Can we sit out here and talk? It'll just take a minute?" He nodded in agreeance before following me out onto the porch, shutting the door gently behind himself. I found a seat on the steps of the porch and patted beside me, gesturing for him to join me.

He glanced around the street before sitting down, he seemed as nervous as I felt. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much."

"You really scared me. I'm glad Becca was there she seemed to know what to do," his voice was shaky.

"It isn't the first time she's found me like that," I frowned. "I've had a lot on my plate the last three years and a lot of pressure on me to be perfect. But I guess I'll never be good enough for some people. Right?" My question was bitter, but I didn't care. He knew I struggled with feeling like I was never enough, and he abandoned me anyways.

"Why are you here Emily? I don't want to fight with you so if that's what you want to do please leave." He released a shaky breath.

"I want you to have this." I pulled the small journal out from my sweatshirt pocket. He cautiously took it and thumbed through the pages which caused me to hold my breath. I wanted him to read it, I just didn't want to be around when he did.

"Em, why are you giving this to me?" He closed the journal and looked at me with serious eyes as he scanned every detail of my face.

"I should have told you how I felt a long time ago. I know it's too late, but I need you to know. I need you to understand why this is so hard for me, and why it will always be this hard for me." My jaw quivered as I leaned in to place a soft kiss upon his cheek. "I'll leave you be now."

As I stood to leave his hand found mine, pulling me flush against him as he raised to meet my level. His lips met mine, as his free hand glided along my jawline. He deepened the kiss further, and I obliged to his mouth's every command. His breathing was unsteady when he finally pulled away, his forehead firmly pressed against mine. "You need to know this isn't easy for me either, but it is for the best. We can't be friends Emily. Not now, not ever."

"I know you believe that," I leaned in allowing our lips to meet briefly one last time. "Just please read it?"

He nodded and watched as I walked away. My heart was beating faster than it ever had. I had dreamed of the day we would share a mutual kiss and it had finally come. It was unlike anything I had envisioned, more powerful than anything I had felt. I desperately needed to feel that way again, but I knew it was his way of letting me go. His way of telling me goodbye.