His Only Savior | #Wattys2019

Chapter 38

When I awoke the following morning, my head was throbbing from the amount of alcohol consumed the night before.  With an exaggerated sigh I pulled myself from the bed and made my way towards the bathroom, tripping over the empty bottle as I went.  Once safely in the confines of the bathroom I took in my appearance.  I was a mess.  My makeup smeared.  My hair and clothes disheveled.  I pealed my clothing from my aching body before climbing into the shower.  Without thinking I twisted the nozzle causing the icy water to hit me square in the face.   Jolting myself further into consciousness.  "Fuck that's cold!"

When the water warmed, I scrubbed at my skin forcefully, still utterly disgusted with myself.  My phone blared through the room letting me know it was time to leave for work.  A small grunt passed my lips at the realization I was going to be late for the first time since obtaining my job with the local publishing company.  In a flurry of actions, I was soon heading out the front door, spotting Isaac and Katie curled up on the couch together fast asleep.  My lips pulled up into a grin before I turned to head out the door.  I felt they needed the time together so I sent my mom a quick text informing her I would not be bringing Katie over as planned.  Besides, not having to deliver Katie to my parents meant I saved time getting to work.

I was buried in paperwork, working through manuscripts trying to decide which option would be most viable to publish.  It was a major decision because whichever one we pushed forward meant signing on a new author possibly.  However, luckily for me once it reached that point in the process the next series of decision making was up to some else. 

The day went by quickly, but I felt like my heart and mind was simply not into the task at hand.  I couldn't focus, my mind was running a million miles an hour. However, none of those thoughts consisted of anything work related.

I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts when a soft knock was heard against the frosted glass of my office door.

"Come in," I responded.  The door creaked open, but I did not look up.  My face hidden in the palms of my hands.

"Emily?"  Isaac's voice filled the room, forcing me to shift my gaze forward.  "Can we talk?"

Looking at the time on my phone, I sighed.  "Not really, I have ten minutes before I have to meet with my boss to go over our top options."  I began gathering the manuscripts I had chosen, while he simply watched in silence.  "Maybe some other time."  I stood to walk passed him, but his arm snaked around my waist, not permitting me to leave.  The action sent my mind reeling back to senior year, the day that Sean had tackled him to the track.

"We really need to talk.  I just need to know—"

"Know what?"  I cut him off.  "Do you want to know how I'm doing?  I'm great when it comes to our daughter and work.  Do you want to know why I lied?  Same reason you pushed me away, to protect someone I love.  Relationship wise?"  I scuffed as I rolled my eyes. "I'm painfully single.  I mean what do you want to know?"  My breathing quickened as I held back the tears.  Taking a step back I created distance between us, the air suddenly feeling heavy.

He just stood there staring at me, his mouth slightly agape.

"Do you want to know how my skin crawls and my stomach curdles every time a man touches me because he isn't you?  Do you want to know how desperately I have tried to move on but simply can't?  Or how my heart breaks every time I look into our daughter's eyes because it's like you're staring back at me?  Is that what you want to know?"  My grip on the manuscripts tightened as I fought back the tears.  "I have to go, I'm sure you can find your way out."

He didn't say a word he just stood there and allowed me to shove passed him.  After entering the elevator, I turned around just as the doors began to close.  His blue eyes piercing into mine, "Did you even read the letter?"  My heart sank at the question, but the doors slid closed abruptly ending our conversation.