I'm Breaking

Chapter 25

Jungkook PoV

"Jeon Jungkook, eotteoke?!!" 

I wanted shut my ears and her complains were annoying me. She was saying it all again and again and again, yet her yelling at me about her problems just made my head hurt. 

In some way, it felt like Chaeyoung's. Though, it isn't her. Chaeyoung calls me 'oppa' even if I'm a few months younger, she finds it sweet and romantic. Loves to cling on my arm and sometimes intertwines our fingers when we walk the street.

For her it's friendly, for me, it's a different view. A view you can see from the Eiffel Tower or something taller than that. Way butterflies just fill my stomach, how I feel like the whole movie suddenly started to play from the pause button. 

Yet, I have to see you with a fake smile, fake laugh, fake everything. My love isn't fake, no, it isn't. I know myself well enough to admit that I love you from the moment I saw you operating on my mother. 

Everything you ask me to do, it's all because you give me the drive to do it. Hard or not, you're the source of my endless inspiration. 

Like Jack painting Rose on the couch. 

Only, you are more beautiful. 

Still, when we talk, I always ask about you. Even if I've heard the story on how you accidentally went inside the boys bathroom instead of the girls bathroom. Or how you scored 99 out of a 100 in a national exam. Or how your accent is originally New Zealand but now is Australian. 

I don't want to bring myself up. 

I don't want to talk about how I go home and just stare blankly at the window. Asking myself questions about how no one can respect me. Talking to my stuffed animals. Drawing the green grass and trees view outside, only to have the paper ripped into pieces. Replacing all my action figurines into books, books and books. 

My childhood was miserable. 

And someone who can light up the world of another person is rare. She was rare, you are rare. You make people smile without knowing it, like you didn't mean to make them smile. Your smile is genuine, which makes others smile too.

I remember walking inside a theme park, as big as Universal Studios, as fantastic as Disneyland, only to have it in my head.

Eotteoke?

What do you mean? What advice can I give you? I only want to speak to 1 person in the world. She's not answering my calls or messages, she's probably busy, she's built a tough wall. So what do you want me to tell you?

That I'm in love with you? No, I'm in love with someone else. With someone smarter, brighter, and happier. Someone who knows the same pain I've been through, the same experience. 

Do you want me to lie about how I feel? Do you want me to wake up every morning, only to feel that my life's been forced into everything. 

Studying page by page in a book, having the best tutors in Seoul. Where will that lead me? I'm just...Jungkook. A man who wanted to see the world, take photos, dance and teach karate. 

And here you are, asking me what you should do. What should you do? 

I've never mentioned you to anyone since we were 10. We were mere family friends, we were engaged when we were 10. To who's fault? My mother's. 

You forced Yuri to kiss your shoes, to do your home works, to take your notes, to eat rotten food, and embarrassed her in front of the whole school. You throw juice at her, make her a laughing stock. 

You went to Canada and decided to take your break there. You spared me 7 years of my life, saying that you want to 'know' yourself more. Know who you really are. 

Honestly, you are just a brat who wants money and fame. Why do you still need it? When obviously you have the money, the fame, and everything you want. 

Do you think you sleeping with Canadian men makes me jealous? I've found my peace. I've found someone who gave me peace. And she isn't alone, she has a beautiful child that brought the sun in my darkness. 

Now you come back, only to know everything that was promised to you at the age of 10 was broken. Your parents retired peacefully, and now live in the country, your sisters wishes you out of the family registration. 

And you know well how to defend yourself. 

You want to hunt Chaeyoung down? You're going through me.

Every single thing you did to Yuri, I regret not defending her and saving her from you. Even if Chaeyoung is so much stronger than Yuri, so much smarter, I am not going down without a fight. 

Get the hell out of our lives, we've lived peacefully for 7 years.

Don't tell me what you want of me. You detailed that you want a smart, funny, well-built, handsome and talented man. Which made my mother do everything to meet expectations. Too bad that 'smart' meant turning back on you.

You spoiled brat, your parents are no longer here to baby you. 

Stop bugging my life and live yours peacefully, outside Korea. 

And most importantly, don't compare Chaeyoung to Yuri. 

Both of them are the reasons why my world stops and suddenly all my fears and sorrows are gone. 

Like what Hoseok-hyung said Yuri is in the past. She may have been the best person in my life but now I was given something better, better than the best. 

She's Doctor Roseanne Park.

---

short but has significance.

who's he talking to?

hm. 

sorry i didn't update yesterday.

watched Wembley for 2 straight nights, and it felt tiring. 

but seriously who's he talking to?

I'll update tomorrow!

iz out-----