maniac ; caleb finn

15 (finally)

a/n: I'm so sorry I'm just now posting this. I had to get my mind in a better place after all of that.
Lilac's POV
He clears his throat and turns around shaking his head. I feel so conflicted. "What. Is. Happening." I say slower my teeth gritting together. He clears his throat and looks back at me.
"It's nothing." He mumbles walking out of the bathroom and runs down stairs. I follow after him. I'm not short but his height and long legs make him gain a further distance from me every step. I follow down stairs calling his name. He gets to the bottom of the stairs and turn around looking at me.
"SHUT THE HELL UP. GIVE ME SOME TIME TO FIGURE ALL OF THIS OUT." He yells at me.
He vanishes and I suddenly can't hear his normally heavy footsteps. Why do these stairs always result in a fight? I feel tears welling in my eyes feeling lost and lonely. "Come back. Please." I whisper my voice cracking. My plead is met with silence as I go upstairs. I go back into the bathroom and look at myself.
My long red hair is suddenly lays limp on my scalp. Bits and pieces stick to my face where I let the tears silently fall. My hazel eyes are blood shot and the skin around it is puffy with crimson splotches. My lips are dry and cracked and turned into a frown. My face looks paler than normal and it looks like I've lost weight.
I look like a corpse.
Caleb really has brought the worst in me out and it shows. The more I look at myself the more I can hear the comments in my head from myself get more and more harsh.
[TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM - by no means do I glorify or encourage self harm. If you harm yourself please get help! The number to call is 855-339-1144. If you feel more comfortable texting please text CONNECT to 741741]
'You look dead.' 'How could Caleb ever love a girl like you.' 'How could Calum ever date a girl like you.'  'You're ugly.' 'You're not pretty enough.' 'You should just end your pain.' 'Nobody would miss you.' 'Nobody cares about you.'
All I could do is close my eyes and let out an uneven breath trying to hold in my tears. I shake my head as my mind keeps drifting to those thoughts. I let out a sob as I quickly I cover my mouth dropping to the floor and curling up into a ball.
"You're wrong." I tell myself.
But no matter how much I told myself what I was thinking was wrong. I couldn't believe it. I feel my skin burn as I my mind is practically filling with self hate. I get on my knees opening my cabinet and fumble around until I feel a small puffy bag. I open it revealing nail clippers and my old razor. It's been so long since I've seen it. The last time I used it was my senior year of high school after my grandma passed away. Now I'm a senior in College.
I hold the tiny razor in my hands as I look at it. I fumble with it through my fingertips looking at it. I shake my head trying to convince myself that I shouldn't and that I don't need too.  My argument to myself just makes me cry even more. My skin is practically tingling for the small razor to make contact.
I slowly bring it down pressing the small razor to my skin and hold it there. I let out an uneven breath as I slide it against my skin. I feel the burning sensation lightly subside as small dots of blood line the small slit. I put the razor below it pushing harder as I slide it even more. I let out a sob as I feel relieved. With each cut I press harder watching the small dots of blood forming on every cut. I repeat this 4 more times on my arm until I drop the small piece of metal as I watch the small droplets of blood grow in size. I lean my head against my tub and close my eyes. I hate myself for feeling better. I stand up and turn on my sink to cold water and avoid looking at myself in the mirror. I find a rag wetting it and lightly dab at my fresh cuts. I find some gauze and wrap my arm. I go back into my room and see a hoodie Caleb was wearing when we told me he loved me. It was solid black. I walk over and grab it slipping it over my torso since I don't want Caleb to know what I just did.
"Too Late." I hear someone say.
I whip around and see Caleb leaning against my door frame. Oh no.
a/n: hey guys! I'm sorry this late but I hope it's okay. I wrote this pretty quickly even though I already knew what I wanted to happen in this chapter. I'm sorry this the only chapter I've posted today and I've posted two other a/n's. It's pretty unfair to you guys but it needed to be dealt with. Thank you for almost 6.9k views. If you came from Caleb's post about fan fictions, hello. Don't send hate. I've stated everything in my description.