Ruthless (18+)

thirty-nine

Devlyn Tevere

"I'll be a minute, sorry." I excuse myself from Damien to go check up on Roman. 

I hope he's not taking this the wrong way and thinking I'm going to just leave him because Damien is back. I mean I might, but he doesn't need to know that.

"Roman? babe where are you?" I call out. There's no answer.

I head up the stairs to our room but it's empty. I'm about to go check somewhere else when I notice the door of the balcony is ajar. I frown, then go there. Immediately, the smell of weed hits my nostrils and I sigh when I see Roman sitting in a chair by the railing, smoking a blunt. His phone is next to him, playing 'drugs' by scHoolboyQ.

"There you are." I say.

He pauses the song and looks up at me when I speak. 

"Sorry I left without saying anything, I figured you both would appreciate some privacy." He gestures to the chair next to me and I sit down.

He offers me his blunt and I gratefully take a hit. 

"How are you doing with all this baby?" Roman asks quietly. 

"I don't know what to think. I'm glad he's alive, that's all." I shrug.

Truthfully, that's not all. My mind is all over the place and I'm going to speak to Nicole, Tessa and Savs about the whole situation in the morning when they're awake. 

"I know that's not it. Your ex-fiancé just came back from the dead, no one's going to only be glad they're alive. I know you have a lot of thoughts about this." 

I look at Roman, surprised. 

"But I won't push it, I'll respect your privacy." he adds briefly.

I nod slowly and look at pool below us, the purple lighting illuminating it. The moment is peaceful before Roman speaks again.

"Do you still like him?" he says, his voice just above a whisper. 

I look at him and bite my lip guiltily, saying nothing. 

"Oh." he says and looks at his feet, a betrayed look flashing across his face. He chuckles humourlessly and walks back inside, leaving me to my thoughts. 

How am I supposed to answer his question? Damien was my first love, I'll always love him. But I also love Roman.

Right now, I want to put my face in my hands and cry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, what would anybody else do in this situation? I can't have both of them. 

Besides, it's not like I'm 100% sure Damien still likes me anyway. I sigh and rub my eyes tiredly. I take a few more hits from the blunt before I go inside too. Roman is in bed, sleeping. Or pretending to sleep. I doubt he wants to deal with me right now. 

Maybe right now, instead of deciding who I want, I should just spend time with Damien catching up. 

...

I wake up on the couch in the living room next to Damien. We stayed up the whole night smoking weed, drinking and playing uno all while catching up on everything that's been going on with each other.