Good Omens Oneshots

Song of the Woods [Crowley X Reader]

The songs of the birds would drift through the trees and dance into your ears. Red squirrels would sometimes visit you and allow you to stroke their fur. It was only on a few occasions that you'd see a weasel. Every time one would show itself, it was as if it were a forest spirit. It'd appear to your left and then the next moment to your right. You'd play games with the small mustelid until its attention would drift elsewhere. All of the animals spoke to you. Not in the way that humans do, but you knew how to listen. It allowed you to get along with them. It was in the woods, past the bridge between urbanization and the wild where you could forget all of your worries.

Though, it was on a day where you had been broken by the cruelty of humanity. You ran into the woods sobbing. Your arms wrapped around your favorite tree, clutching onto the bark for dear life. It was a few minutes in that you felt something slither past your arm. You jumped, wondering if it was an adder. Instead, it was a snake that wasn't native to the UK. You stopped crying to admire the snake as it slithered up your arm and around your shoulders.

"H-hello," you stammered and sniffed. Whatever had you upset was a million miles away now. "Aren't you beautiful?"

The snake curled around to look at you in the face. Its golden eyes were striking. You blinked as it stared at you. It wasn't speaking like a typical animal. The animal had more of a sentience similar to people than a wild animal.

You cleared your throat. "Um, sorry if this sounds strange and all, but you...What exactly are you?"

The snake stuck its tongue out rapidly and put it back in. It was as if it was trying to be a snake. It didn't seem like it was trying to smell the air.

"Right, well, I'll just let you pretend and I'll play along with you being a snake. Probably for the best. I must sound insane if you are, indeed, a snake. But, well," you groaned and looked up towards the sky. "Never mind. You're embarrassing yourself, [Y/N]. Why would a snake care if I thought it wasn't a snake?" You looked back at the snake to see it was still staring at you as if it was taking in every word you were saying.

Slowly, you moved to take a seat to make sure you didn't disturb the snake. For a moment, you stopped to listen to the woods for any sign something was off. The birds weren't singing. You didn't hear the usual snapping of twigs. It was still.

"Is this your doing?" you asked the snake. Your finger ran along its scales, but you paused when you realized some snakes don't like being touched. However, the snake seemed to follow your hand, so you continued to massage it. "Is everything quiet because of you?"

The moment you asked that question, the song of the woods came back. You arched an eyebrow at the snake but shrugged it off. Perhaps you were just hyper-focusing on the snake. Unlikely, but it was possible...You guessed.

"So what are you doing here?" you inquired as your hand gently traced the perimeter of the snake's head. "You're not exactly native here." You paused. "Are you some sort of god or something?" You gave a crooked smile at the snake. "That'd be pretty awesome."

"No, I'm not a god," the snake hissed. It froze the moment it spoke. You froze the moment it spoke.

"Uh, okay," you said. "The talking snake is not a god. Something else, but not a god." You moved your hands to pick up the snake and you held it in front of you. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?" The snake kept its mouth shut. You rolled your eyes. "Oh come on, I just heard you speak! You know, you're not very good at pretending to be a snake, either!"

"Fine, but are you sure you want to know?"

"I mean, are you going to eat me?"

"No."

"Otherwise kill me or harm me?"

"No."

"Then sure, why the Hell not?"

The snake grew larger into your hands. It grew and grew until it had to be placed on the ground. It was larger than an anaconda. You weren't filled with fear, as most would be, but with awe. "I," the snake hissed out. It started to morph into the shape of a man. "Am a demon."