Looking for Felicity (2YEON)

II.

If anyone is curious, I'm already 25 years of age and none of my hobbies are interesting. I used to be this jolly, bubbly and fun Im Nayeon when I was still college. I used to go to parties and do 'party stuff' too. I mean legal stuff, okay?

I always had my friends with me. After class, we always see each other and just hang out. I live in a dormitory with the Japanese: Mina and Momo. But we were never roommates. I like to keep myself alone in a room. We just see each other every after class and have dinner together.

Suddenly, everything changed when I had my first girlfriend. Yes, a girlfriend. I'm bisexual and I'm not ashamed of it.

I had my first girlfriend when I was already a senior in college. She was kinda bit similar to me. Chubby cheeks and does aegyo all the time.

It was like dating my self. She was sophisticated and very feminine. Our relationship wasn't very obvious because of our image.

I almost forgot, her name is Kim Jennie. Jennie was very sweet and does a lot of effort into our relationship. Sometimes I get annoyed when people ask if who's who. Who's the guy in the relationship whatnot.

For everyone's information, sometimes in a girl to girl relationship, there is no such thing. There should be a balance in a relationship.

Then I stopped spending my time with Jihyo, Mina, and Momo after entering a relationship with Jennie. I spend most of my time with her. After class, I would directly go home and she's already there. Waiting for me.

Every time my friends would reach out and ask for my time, I always refuse and tell them I'm busy with some academic stuff since I'm already a graduating student. I always give them a lame excuse.

Jennie was my everything.

However, Jennie and I broke up when I caught her flirting in a party that we were attending. She didn't know that I was going. It was a friend of a friend's party. Jennie wasn't expecting me to be there.

I caught her dancing with another person. And to my surprise, it was a guy. It wasn't just a simple dance. They danced erotically.

I was in deep shock that I almost had my panic attack. Good thing was that Mina quickly pulled me and went outside to calm my breathing.

I tried catching my breath and the next thing I knew, I burst to tears. I hugged Mina so tight trying to brush off the pain. But I knew it wasn't that simple.

"Let it out, Nayeon unnie." Mina comforted me while patting my back.

I wiped my tears and fixed myself. I let go of the hug. "I'm going to break up with her at this instant."

"Are you sure about that?" Mina asked.

"Y-yeah." I wasn't sure.

I went inside the house where the party was held. I was looking for a familiar figure from a sea of strangers. Then I saw her finally sitting on a guy's lap. "This bitch." I hissed.

I walked nervously towards her but I didn't let myself lose this time. I took a deep breath and grabbed her wrist forcefully when I was near her.

My gesture surprised her. Her eyes widened and froze.

"N-nayeon?" she was stuttering.

The music was loud. I brought her outside at the parking lot.

"What was that, Jennie? You lied to me! I thought you're going out of town with your family?!" I lost my temper. I shouted at her not minding the people staring at us.

"I, uh, I-" she can't find her words.

"So now, this is what it's like? Your girlfriend whoring around." I scoffed and felt a tear on my cheek.

"Nayeon, I love you so much. It's just that-" she stopped and looked down.

"What?!"

"I'm bored with our relationship, okay?!" Jennie finally snapped.

She surprised me. "What the hell do you mean?" I felt myself bursting another tear, but I tried stopping myself.

"We never go on dates anymore. You're always busy. Whenever I ask you to go out for a movie, you always say no. Telling me you have shit loads to finish. And do you know how sexually deprived I feel every time I want to have sex with you?! Then you always reject me with my need?!" she stopped talking. I saw her tears finally going down.

But I can't believe this woman. I was so busy with studies because I was a graduating student, for fuck's sake!

"You're pathetic, Jennie. We're done." I turned my back on her and walked away without waiting for her to say something. That was my last words to her. After that incident, I never saw her again.

After I broke up with her, I changed into a person that I am not. I lost my confidence and quit the theatre club. Although I was a graduating student, I still have 5 months before our last performance. But I quit anyway.

My friends were really worried about me. But I shut them out and tried myself to isolate more. I focused more on my studies. I successfully graduated and left the dormitory after.

Jihyo tried contacting me but I always direct her call to voicemail.

Jennie made me lose myself. I was in pain.

I never loved again.

However, I can wait to be with my girls again at Jihyo's birthday party.

It was a Sunday afternoon I was lying lazily on my bed when someone knocked on my door. I stood up and wondered who would come to my place on a Sunday afternoon.

As I opened my door, "Nayeonie!!!" Momo and Mina shouted in unison.

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