Looking for Felicity (2YEON)

XIX.

The first time I had a sexual encounter with Jennie was when we were celebrating our 1st month together and we were both drunk. I don't know what exactly happened that night. The next morning, I was already naked beside her. She took advantage of me but I wasn't complaining roughly. I woke up like an idiot thinking about how she also loved me physically. I can't even remember a thing about how and what she did. I passed out after a couple of drinks we had. Next thing I knew, I fell asleep and she was already touching me.

However, it wasn't the last. Jennie had raging hormones when she's upset or stressed. I always give her plenty of chances not to decline every time her libido and urges kicked in. But I have to admit, it was also my benefit. It was one way of showing her my love for her. And one way of giving back the love and care she did to me. Nevertheless, I was naive. Naive by the thought of true love.

I spaced out for a moment after what happened with me and Jeongyeon. She left the room and came back with a glass of water. She handed me the water, "Drink this." she told me.

I didn't delay anymore due to my thirst. I gulped every liquid in my throat. Hence I went back to reality realizing I almost done it with Jeongyeon. "Everything will change because of what happened." I thought to myself. I gave her the empty glass back. She put it on my nightstand. 

The atmosphere was quiet. I sighed and watched her sit in front of me.

I cleared my throat to call out her attention, "Uh," she faced me. "I hope this stays between us," I whispered. She chuckled, "Of course, Nayeonie."

I changed the topic trying to loosen up a little, "What time will your sisters arrive in Paris?" 

"Maybe this evening. It's a 12-hour flight," she answered. Yet, another silence came.

I suddenly felt awkward around her. The tension between us was deafening. I can't think straight after what happened. A lot of things were running inside my head. I had no idea how to start a conversation with her this time.

"Nayeon?" she reached my shoulder.

I didn't notice as I was spacing out again and stared blankly to nowhere. Unexpectedly I was tired after trying to calm myself down with my thoughts. I blinked several times remembering Jeongyeon was still in front of me.

"Are you okay? What's bothering you?" she was worried.

I shook my head and avoided her gaze. I can't look into her eyes. I wanted to be alone and think. But I can't just tell her to go out. It'll worry her. I wasn't speaking to her. I still can't find words coming out. It felt like my mouth was stuck on an adhesive.

"Alright then," she said.

She was about to leave but I stopped her, "Wait, Jeongyeon." she took a glance at me. "I, uh-" I lost my words again. "Nayeonie," she smiled as she held my face, "Don't worry. I can wait. I know something's bothering you." I lowered my gaze avoiding hers. "I have to make a call. I'll be back, okay?" she stood up and left me alone.

I immediately laid on my bed. I covered my face with a pillow. I wanted to scream but I can't. It felt like a huge lump was stuck on my throat. I focused on my breathing to calm myself again. My teeth gritted by my stupidity to do this again with uncertainty.

"What the hell are you doing, Nayeon?" I hissed to myself. "Are you that sure?!" I finally screamed with a pillow covering my face. I threw the pillow away after. I wanted to punch myself literally hard to wake up. Making sure that everything was real.

"Who's who?" I didn't notice Jeongyeon was already standing near the edge of my bed. Although, she was gone for a long time.

I quickly got up, "No one. I was-" damn, I'm so bad at lying. She laughed and slowly sat in front of me again. She teasingly smiled, "You are so bad at lying, Nayeon." she read my mind. She pinched my cheek.