Secret affairs - ncis tiva fan fiction

Regret

~ziva~

I feel guilty, i hurt him.. i hurt Tony, i dumped him via text. Do you know how pathetic that is?

I have what i need to get through this, a knife and alcohol, to be honest.. i'm done caring anymore, because i get hurt either way.

**

I woke up, my birthday? pfft great.

i felt a slight stinging pain on my arm, and my face from where i had cut myself, my whole arm.. it's like a battlefield, and i'm not proud of it either. I also had a few noticable cuts on my face, i tried to cover them with concealer, foundation, but it didn't work.. they were so visible.

I have to get ready for work, Gibbs said i can't be late again, and i don't want him confronting me again... i sighed and quickly got myself ready.. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes they were all bloodshot and horrible.. i was kinda hung over, in general i looked rough.

I feel so regretful about breaking up with Tony, i didn't mean what i said to him in the message, i just wish i never sent that message to be honest. Mobile phones, they cause so much trouble, more trouble than their worth.

I got into my car, i had a slight migrane.. I drove really awfully to work, i nearly had four collisions just in a five mile drive, thats bad, really bad.

I arrived at the NCIS building, parked my car.. and took the elevator. Michelle was in there..

"Hey Ziva! Happy birthday!" Michelle smiled,

"thank you." i barely spoke, and looked down at the ground.

"Ziva what's wrong do you want to talk about it?" Michelle asked me,

i nodded.. and we took the elevator up to the lobby.

i sat down by the vending machine, and michelle  sat opposite me.

"So what's wrong Ziva?" Michelle asked me,

"Nothing, i just dumped Tony through text. The worst part is i'm regretting it so badly, and it's all i can think about." i sighed

"Aw Ziva, you really should try and talk to Tony, i'm sure he'll understand." Michelle told me,

i nodded.. 

"Come on lets get you to your desk, and did i tell you? I'm now on your NCIS team, the new probie." Michelle announced, i smiled.. at least i'm not the only girl anymore.

We took the elevator down to our desks,

"officer david, agent lee. You're thirty seconds late." Gibbs announced,

"Sorry sir. Where should i sit?" Michelle apologized,

"At the desk next to Tony. And it's not Sir, it's Gibbs." Gibbs told Michelle,

"Sorry Gibbs." She apologized again.. 

"Don't apologize.. it's a sign of weakness." Gibbs criticized her once again, she's only trying to do what's right...

I look to see Tony, looking at me.. we stare at each other for a few moments. I look at him with regret whilst he looks at me with worry, before looking away...

"We've got a body.. Dinozzo, McGee grab your gear. Ziva and Lee.. stay put." Gibbs ordered..

**

i've had birthday presents from: Abby, Michelle, Gibbs, McGee and Jenny.. I was hoping that Maybe Tony would've gotten me something.. i guess not.

i kicked something under my desk, a box or something.. 

i decided to have a look at what was under my desk, it was a present.. beautifully wrapped, with a letter attached to it. Michelle came over to have a look at what it was with me..

I read the letter;

To: ziva,

Last night when i receieved your text message, i know that you didn't mean what you said, so there's no need to explain about that because i understand. But what i don't understand is why you sent me that message Ziva? 

I've thought about it all night, you, me, us.. we have something special ziva, and it came to me.. You're too afraid to love, too afraid to let anyone in, due to past experience's, but i'm not your past ziva, i'm your future if thats what you want?

Ziva, i love you, i love you for who you, i don't care about your insecurities or problems, i will never judge you, and i'll always love you.

But you need to be straight with me about Somilia and all your over problems which have scarred you, if not you let michelle tell me.. because i want to understand, i want to be with you.. but how can i be with a girl who i don't understand, even if i do love her with all my heart?

When you're ready to talk to me, i will be here to listen to every single word that you say.. please don't feel like i'm forcing you to tell me stuff, that you don't want to tell me, because if thats the case, you need to tell me.

Anyway happy birthday Ziva, i hope you like the present i got you... You're now 30, maybe it's time to settle down?

yours always,

tony x.

I opened up the present he had gotten me an emerald ring as my birthday present, it also had diamonds on it as well.. it was platium, he went to all  this effort for me.. perfection.

"He got your age wrong, you're 29, not 30." Michelle pointed out,

"You're ruining the moment Michelle." I mocked her.

Now i know what i have to do, it's going to hard, really hard... But Tony he at least deserves an explantion from me, if not more.

************************************************************************************************************

A/N

i've updated this book twice within this week :), i have a twist for the next chapter.. all i'm saying is that Ziva's father- Eli is going to get in contact with Ziva, because something big has happened.. 

next update should be within this week, unedited sorry.. also sorry that this is quite a short update, i really didn't know what to write, so it's kinda boring :/.

thanks for reading <3

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thanks

freya x