Secret affairs - ncis tiva fan fiction

Discovery

~Tony~

I collected Daisy from Michelle's house, i didn't actually want to go throught this whole thing with Ziva, but it's happened anyway...

"Where's mummy?" Daisy asked me... What am i supposed to tell her? I'm a self centred jerk who's pushed your mother away?

I gulped, i didn't know what to say, all i could do was hope that Daisy wouldn't be persitant about this.

I felt empty without Ziva, my ninja. I should've never shouted at her... What's wrong with me? Her fathers just died and the ones closest to you are supposed to be there for you and support you through times like this, but instead i've just pushed her away.

I sighed, but what can i do? Right now, i don't even think i deserve Ziva's forgivness... I hurt her. It was all me this time. I've lost the only perfect thing in my life, the only thing i really care about.

I have Daisy, a spitten image of Ziva. But it's just not the same, she's not Ziva, the women i fell in love with, the women i love... The women that i've always loved.

I'm going to find Ziva, win her back and claim what's mine.

What's the worst that can happen?

****

~Ziva~

I had booked a one way ticket to Israel, my native country... It's all i really have left of home now, Washington. Washington is no longer my home, not anymore. There's nothing left here for me, my life it's just a failure. I wish i could relive my life, i wish i could start over, i wish i could be someone else, someone who isn't Ziva David.

I sighed, all my stuff was packed, i was ready to go.... This apartment, my home. I have so many memories here, but it's not like there's anything keeping me back here? Even NCIS is better without me, Gibbs doesn't want me back at the moment, not until i've full recovered from my fathers death and well i don't think that's ever going to happen.

I carried my rucksack and my small suitcase, down into my car before loading into the boot. I had very little belongings in my flat , i can ring my landlord when i get to Israel, it really doesn't matter right now.. I have other priority's.

But before i left for good... There was one more thing that i needed to do.

***

~Tony~

Traffic.

I hate it.

Why does Zivas apartment have to be right in the city?

"Where are we going?" Daisy asked me...

"We're going to get mummy. Just sit tight and wait, there's loads of traffic right now." I told her, as soon as i said Mummy i saw a smile grow on Daisy's face. Ziva was a really good mum to Daisy, i even told her so myself, but she never believed one word of it.

"Are you hungry Daisy?" I asked her, i quite enjoy being a father, it makes me feel responsible, and i really think that me and Ziva should have a baby someday. It'd be great, i can imagine it. Our kid having Ziva's brown hair along with my green eyes.. It'd be the best thing ever.

After all the traffic, i finally pulled up outside Ziva's apartment block.. I liked Ziva's apartment, i spent more time here with her than i did at my own apartment, me, ziva and Daisy need to get a home together, a house.

"Wait heree Daisy, i'll be a minute. Just while i talk to mummy." I told her.

"Okay Daddy. Just don't be too long, i want to see mummy to." Daisy agreed. Aw that's the first time she's ever called me Daddy...

I entered Ziva's apartment building, and knocked on her door...

No answer.

I knocked again.

Yet still no answer.

"Ziva, it's Tony. Look i'm sorry for being a complete jerk to you earlier. Can we just please talk about this? I love you Zi... And i don't want to loose you now, not after everything that we've been through." I spoke through her letter box.

I looked underneath Ziva's doormat to see if there was a spare key.. There was no spare key, but there was an envelope addressed to me..

Tony <3

It was Ziva's handwritting.,, I opened the envelope and there was pages of writting. I began to read the letter, here goes nothing.

To: Tony

I didn't know what to write in this letter. In fact i don't even know why i'm writting this, but i guess i at least owe you this much right? I

I thought about what you said to me Tony... And you're right, completely right. I've hurt too many people in my lifetime, and i'm not going to hurt you anymore than i have done.

I've seen how you are with other women, and by the time you've even read this, you're probably with another woman by now.. But i do have a little bit of decency in me...

I'm actually honoured, that you Anthony Dinozzo JR fell in love with me. Me? of all people, and i never understood why... I'm average, wait i'm not even that... And your, you're just perfect and deserve someone who isn't me... Someone who won't hurt you and can give you what you want; love and a family.

Tony... You don't deserve me, all what i've put you through, and the fact that i don't even tell you anything and say that yu don't understand. It's because no one understands me, they never have and they never will. And i'm not stable to be in a relationship like this, i've already said Tony i can''t give you what you want.

The times that we had together were great, and in that moment i never wanted any of it to end, it was all perfect. For the rest of my life, i wanted you at my side.. I wanted more kids, i wanted all of this, but i began to realise that it could never be for me... Let alone me and you, and everytime when i was by myself, everything changed. Maybe it's just for the best Tony... Some things, some things aren't meant to be, and i think this is one of those things.

Please don't blame yourself for this, if there's anyone to blame it's me... I'm sorry if i hurt you in any of this it wasn't intended. But just know one thing Tony. I love you, and i always will... Maybe someday, somewhen, in a different world, a different place, a different infinity, a different time we can be together... But for now goodbye Tony. Please don't come and look for me, please just listen to me for once and believe me that this is for the best. Attached to this is my star of david necklace... I want you to have it.

thank you so much for everything, the time we had, the time we spent together.

Ziva x.

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A/n

This is the end O.o.... The sequel will be up soon, in fact i'll put a notice up to say when the sequels up.... I can't believe i've  finished writting this book :o... It honestly feels like yesterday when i started writting this.

I just want to say thank you for all my fans for voting and commenting... I guess you motivated and inspired me to continue writting <3

It's still unedited, i'm sorry about that :L

stay tunned.

Thanks for reading <3

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freya x