- Twilight- Sideswipe & Sunstreaker (under editing)

chapter 18: confused

I watched Sideswipe with sewer rat, I was so jealous right now. She laid on his hood, head resting on his chest with her arm around him. Sideswipe softly stroke her hair and kissed her head softly. Sunstreaker stood next to me, just as defeated as I was right now, we both lost the once we loved the most. "How was your game?" he asked softly. "It was fine," I muttered, while I noticed a tear rolling down my face.

"I am sorry, Sunny..." I said as I stepped back. "For what?" he asked confused. "I need to leave the base... I just-... I can't do this anymore..." I said. Sunstreaker looked confused at me "Wait! what do you mean?" he asked. I felt more tears rolling down my face "I am going home... I just... I can't be here right now!" I said while walking away. "Sia! wait!" he called after me. I saw Sideswipe looked into our direction "Why?! please don't leave!" he pleased.

I rested my head against his chest while he softly stroke my head "Please... talk to me! I can protect you! if you're scared...please don't leave me alone with sewer rat! I can't handle it! I already lost my twin! please! don't leave!" he begged. I sighed in his chest and closed my eyes "You were there for me when I needed you... now I want to be there for you! I don't want you to be sad!" he stated. I sighed softly while looking at him watery eyes "Don't cry..." he whispered while brushing the tears away.

"I think it's better if I leave!" I whispered. "I have to leave... please don't make this harder!" I told him. "Let sewer rat talk! she doesn't mean anything for me! I hate her just as much as you do! I am doing this to make Sideswipe happy! just all the things you have done for him! I know he has absolutely no idea what happened... but one day he will find out!" he said. "Sunstreaker... I can't see her face! Every time I see her the flashbacks of what she did to me come back! She broke me! I can't do this anymore! I just can't do this anymore! Sideswipe hates me! our friendship doesn't have any value! He never tried to be friends either... and I get it," I said softly.

"I am sorry! I have always loved him and it will never fade away... every single minute of my life I have to carry that pain... and I just... I can't do it anymore... I accepted he doesn't like me the way I do... and that's fine, I mean... I want him to be happy but she! he has no idea what she has done to me! but he doesn't care about that cuz... I mean nothing for him! he doesn't even want to be friends! and I know I want to join NEST but right now... I need some time! so, please... let me go..." I whispered.

Sunstreaker looked sadly at me, he grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes "Please come back! I can't lose you!" he whispered. I nodded and pressed my forehead against his, he wrapped his arms around my waist "Goodbye sunny!" I whispered. He opened his eyes to look at me again and let go "Just... be safe and please if something is wrong, call me!" he insisted. I nodded and looked at Sideswipe who looked up and caught my eyes. I huffed and walked away, I couldn't be here anymore.

I grabbed some important stuff from my room, like the pictures I had of the twins and left the base, walking back to my house. I opened the door and walked upstairs dropping the back next to my bed before I laid down. Mr. Cuddles, who traveled with me, laid down as well and purred softly. My mother and stepfather were gone for a couple of weeks, so I was home alone. First thing I did was changing my clothes, into a simple top with small straps and shorts.

Brushes and the stitches were visible. It was hurting so I took some pills against the pain, though, it didn't help against the pain I had in my heart. For a moment, I kept staring in the mirror, seeing how terrible I looked like if I didn't wear long-sleeved shirts and pants. I saw some scars from the attack and I was all under the brushes from my fight I had last day. I closed my eyes for a moment, imagine how Sideswipe would stand behind me, softly stroking my arms and giving kisses in my neck while his chest was against my back, telling me how much he loved me.