- Twilight- Sideswipe & Sunstreaker (under editing)

Chapter 38: diary

Sunstreaker's POV
A couple of days had passed, and Sideswipe slowly started to get better, walking around already even with my protests. But as stubborn he could be he ignored my complainants. After I killed the soldier, I tried to stay away from other humans, they disliked me even more and I didn't care, but the painful part, Sia took distance as well.

I searched for her and found her in the gear-room. She hadn't noticed me yet, I sneaked behind heat and greeted her but she leaped in the air with a scream and aimed a gun on. Startled I backed off "Jesus, Sunstreaker! You scare the hell out of me! Stop sneaking up on me!" She growled.

I was more surprised she actually growled and snapped at me. "I'm sorry... I just wanted to see you!" I purred stepping closer. She kept standing where she stood while I approached and laid my hand on her cheek. "I haven't seen you after I killed that soldier! Is it bothering you? Are you scared off me?" I asked.

"I know you won't hurt me," She sulked while turning back to the guns. I wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled in her neck, smelling her coconut shampoo. I sighed and relaxed, let my head rest on her shoulder.

"I miss you," I murmured placing some kisses in the crook of her neck. She froze, I could feel it while I continued to search for her sweet spot, maybe I could make her moan again. "S-Sunstreaker! What are you doing?" She squeaked. I hummed and while kissed her neck carefully.

"Look... I know this is bothering you! But please don't avoid me if something drives me crazy than its being with you!" I told her. She flinched a little and pulled away to face me to my disappointment.

"You mangled him..." she said seriously. "You shouldn't have seen that..." I said. "Well, I did! When you told us you would kill... I thought I maybe was a joke or something, but you really do kill!" She pointed out grimly.

"I'm sorry... but I needed to protect Sides!" I told her. "I understand! Okay, I do!" She said,- grabbing my hands. "But killing isn't the solution!" She added on. I sighed "I'm a killer, Sia... I can't change who I am and if someone hurt him or you, I will kill them!" I told her firmly. She laid her hand on my cheek "Yeah... maybe... we should take some distance," she said.

Speechless I looked at her, I wasn't able to say something for a good two minutes. All kinds of questions and feelings flew through my mind and body, mostly fear and sadness. "Sia! Please..." I said grabbing her and pulling her against my chest. "I would never hurt you! Please give me a chance!" I said almost desperately.

"I know that sunny... and I really care about you, but... I have never seen that other side of you before, and it freaked me out in some way... and don't get me wrong, I know why you did, I get that... it's just... you did kill someone, and you also knew you're much more skilled and stronger! He didn't make a change! You could've brought him to Lennox, he would have punished him! It wasn't up to you to decide what is punishment was!" She said.

"You said you weren't mad!" I snapped. "I'm not mad... I only need time to process what I saw," She sulked and walked away, i grabbed her and pressed my lips on hers. She froze while I kissed her and hold her tightly, I brushed some hair out of her face.

"I love you..." I whispered almost not hearable. She looked at me for several moments "please give me a chance," I murmured, kissing her again. She holds my cheek while her lips moved sync with mine but suddenly she pulled back.

"No... I can't! Sideswipe..." she trailed off before she runoff. "No! Sia Wait!" I roared after her but she was already gone. I walked back to Sideswipe who lazily played the game red dead redemption online. He paused the game when he saw me and gestured me to sit down next to him.

"What is it, bro?" He asked. "I kissed her..." I blurted out. Sideswipe raised a brow and seemed to be a little bit shocked. "And...?" He asked quietly. "She runs off! She's gonna hate me for life! She saw me kill sideswipe! She's horrified and... she gonna hate me!" I whispered.

Sideswipe patter by back "Please sunny... she's only shocked and surprised! Lemme talk to her!" He said before he stood up with a groan. "Uhm... I don't know where she is..." I muttered. Sideswipe waved it away and walked away.

Sideswipe's P.O.V
I entered her room but she wasn't there. I grabbed her diary and sat down on her bed, seeing the picture she had of me. I kept looking at it for a moment, wondering why she still had this, she once told me she had a picture of everyone... I flipped through some pages until my optic caught something, a small sentence, but it stabbed right through my spark "...."It hurts to breathe because every breath I take proves I can't live without him...'" My spark ached for some reason, I knew how much she loved the one she loved, maybe the reason why she couldn't be with Sunny.

I flipped through some pages and stopped somewhere, reading what she had written "...Behind my smile is a broken heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Behind my eyes are tears at night, behind my body is a soul trying to fight... how can I live without him, why did he choose someone else, I want him to kiss me and hold me! damn, it hurts... why can't he see I love him so much, I gave him so many clues... There are days I want to grab him and kiss him wild... but I know he would never like me... I am just nothing in comparing with him... I don't even know why he cares about me... I am broken... especially without him..." I sighed softly, wishing there was something I could do to make her happy again.

I wanted to put her diary away until my eye fell on my name, curiously about what she had written about me, I started to read this page "...I don't want anyone else to have his heart, kiss his lips, or be in his arms because that's only my place... I fell in love with the way he touched me without using his hands... he's my whole world and he makes me so happy... I want to wake up to him kissing me in the middle of the night... to have him close to me...I want to stay forever with you, Sideswipe... I love you and I wish you saw that, but I know you will never like me... but my love for you will never die..."