Jenalyn: Crossing Lines (#4) [Complete]

Chapter 64: Hayden

Friday, 1:02  A.M. EST

It probably seems like I gave up on trying to save McKaiden from the drugs, but I have to keep reminding myself that I haven’t given up...

Part of me thinks I’ve stopped fighting Dane because it’s so easy for me to fall back into drugs, but I know it’s more than that. I’m just... trying to save her! Dane said if she made it after he tried to drown her in his drugs, that I could have her. He’d stop fighting me. She could be mine!

That’s why my heart is beyond broken right now, hearing the blasphemy Dane is spewing about upping doses, and trying new things…

“I’ve done most of the brick, Dane! That was the agreement!” I cry out as he grabs his duffel and pulls me to the couch by my arm.

“I know, I know, baby girl!” Dane says, almost as if he could have a change of heart regarding his decision right now. I should know better than that though. “I just... I really don’t want or like that thing, ya know? It’s gross in there, it’s going to be gross when it comes out, and even more gross when it grows up. Look on the upside though! I’m not beating it out if you...you have to be thankful for that!” 

His words make my chest ache. They must make McKaiden feel some type of way too, because I feel her forcefully kick into my bladder.

I try to tell myself that it’s her letting me know she can handle this, and to save myself the fight because she can feel how exhausted I am. 

But what if it’s her trying to tell me she can’t take anymore?

“Dane, I’d be thankful if you stopped trying to kill her! I want her! Alive!” I plead as I cry. “W-what if I hate you because of this?! Aren’t you... aren’t you worried about what this will do to us?!”

Dane wastes no time before scoffing. He doesn’t even bother to look at me. Instead, he just continues to break into baggies containing drugs I’ve apparently never even heard of. “You didn’t hate me enough after the first time for it to make a difference; Why would it now?”

I wrap my hands around my belly wishing I could cover McKaiden’s ears. She can’t hear about how weak I was for her brother or sister...  she needs to know how strong I can be, not how weak I used to be. “I did though! You just don’t care!” I cry.

He shrugs his shoulders, contemplating my words for a few seconds before shoving a baggy toward me. “You got me there!” he says nonchalantly, though in a slightly snarky tone. “You still came back to me though; You must not have hated me that much!”

“You would’ve come looking for me!” I waste no time retorting, my blood running too anxiously in my veins for me to think about my words, or how I’m saying them.

“You got me again!” he chuckles, pausing what he’s doing to turn and look at me- but only to shoot me sarcastic eyes. “Well- eventually. But you want to know the crazy thing about that? You’d probably crawl back to me before I could even rearrange my schedule to do it.”

I try not to let Rob’s words that day in the woods fill my mind. That would make all of this... pointless, and entirely my fault…

Rob was right… I could have ran. Dane doesn’t care enough about me to chase me, he just confirmed it…

“So then let me go now,” I say.

Dane doesn’t pause before making his way through the kitchen, then the livingroom, and to the front door. He opens it turning back with an amused look on his face.

“Leave then,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

I can’t move a muscle; I’m waiting for the catch. I know Dane... there's got to be a catch. “Just know... when we run into each other again- and we will run into each other again because it’s you were talking about...” 

He leaves a few moments of silence, laughing to himself quietly before fixing me with a stare that makes me feel lightheaded. 

“I will kill that thing right in fucking front of you,” he finally says. “-I might even wait until it’s old enough to understand me when I tell it that it was your decision to have it done like that. So... leave if you want.”

I feel faint, but I’m not lucky enough to be able to lose consciousness right now. I have to sit through yet another fit of emotions, thoughts, and fears running crazy in my mind.

Dane knows I have nothing to say. He knows I’m not going to move, but he still stands at the front door, holding it wide open and letting out a series of laughs.

“That’s what I thought.”