Five days later…
Saturday, 10:57 A.M. EST
I didn’t even know it was August until I was finally sober and alone long enough to sneak a peek at my flip phone. I’ve had it hidden away in an old box of tampons shoved under the sink of the master bathroom. I’d be surprised if Dane ever found it there.
Both Rob and Ty have obviously been blowing me up; Rob, bitching about how high I’ve been and complaining about how I’m not even trying anymore. And Ty, wondering where I’ve been and trying to get me to come home considering the baby is supposed to be born in a little over two months.
I don’t particularly want to respond to either of them... I’ve given up on a little more than the fantasy of getting to have this baby.
I’ve given up on everything.
I’m going to hell… No- this is my hell. Having to sit here and murder my own my baby to avoid Dane raising her the way he did Evelyn? As a drug-addicted prostitot?
It’s my own fault. I’ve made some pretty fucking stupid decisions- and I know they’re stupid! But somehow, I always seem to make them anyway because if I slip away for even just the slightest of moments? They’re not longer stupid.
They’re solutions.
Why can’t I slip away far enough to find a solution for this? Why can’t any of the voices in my head take over and fight for my fucking baby?!
What is wrong with me? I painfully think to myself, only for a voice way too familiar to respond in a tone that hurts my chest.
I already know what’s wrong with me. I’m Jenalyn... and Jenalyn has known the entire time that this would never work… It’s just a part of her DNA to destruct any and everything around her- around me.
I reach over to the nightstand and grab the syringe Dane had left for me before he drove up to the resort this morning. Tears threaten to stream down my cheeks, but I try to avoid it by hastily tying up my arm and shoving the syringe in before they have a chance.
Tears do nothing. Thinking does nothing. Feeling does nothing...
The room starts to fade away. I think I fall backwards on to the bed because in my mind I just fell off of a really high mountain and onto a cloud.
I think I’m turning into a cloud... it’s really fucking nice... woooaahhh…
And that’s it. That’s the end of any and everything that’s filled my mind in the short time since I’d woken up from my last dose.
YOU ARE READING
Jenalyn: Crossing Lines (#4) [Complete]
General FictionJenalyn was supposed to come out of inpatient as a new person; She was supposed to come out as Hayden. Not only does her life depended on it, but Iife of her unborn baby girl too. It's her only shot at giving her a good life. Nothing is that simple...
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