Jenalyn: Crossing Lines (#4) [Complete]

Chapter 85: Hayden

Saturday, 11:04 P.M. EST

The only thing I can do to stop myself from thinking about what’s actually happening right now is remembering Hayden, and how imperfectly perfect her life was… 

How could I ever choose this over that? 

I thought I was too weak to live up to Hayden and the Gold’s expectations… but how could I possibly be weak when this was what I came from? 

I should have been able to do it, but I ruined everything. 

McKaiden is gone; I know she is. Even if she is alive, what am I supposed to do to keep her alive? I can put off calling Dane for as long as I want, but he’ll be back tomorrow night regardless…

Everything is fucked. Everything is fucked, and I’m not fucked up enough to deal with it. 

“Give me more! I know you have more!” I cry to Rob, who, despite being unimpressed with my choice to dose up during this, is a lot calmer than I could ever imagine him to be in this situation. 

I mean, if I ever would have imagined something as crazy as this- but I definitely didn’t. 

This was never supposed to happen.

McKaiden was supposed to be a happy, healthy baby, born at Cedar out in California like Mama Gold had arranged for Hayden when she found out about the pregnancy. 

Instead, I’m here... and there isn’t even a McKaiden anymore to make all of this pain worth enduring. 

“Give it to me!” I scream when Rob doesn’t respond fast enough. I need way more in that syringe than Rob wants to administer, but he doesn’t fucking understand my tolerance.

I can still think. I don’t want to fucking think anymore. 

My stomach tightens up, feeling like it’ll tighten so much it sucks me right into it like a black hole. 

I don’t want to feel anymore either. 

These tiny doses Rob keeps shooting into my veins aren't doing a damned thing to help either. 

I let out another cry, watching in my peripherals as Rob takes a moment to consult Evelyn before approaching me. Why the fuck does he need to consult Evelyn?! Why is she still even here? 

“Jen... I’ll do this for you, but you have to do something for me, okay?” he asks, almost reluctantly. 

He knows I’m going to scream at him again. I always thought loud, screaming pregnant women were exaggerating when they yelled- just trying to live up to the stereotypical deliveries with shrieks and growls and the overall she-devil act until they see their baby. 

That was until I felt this myself. 

I didn’t know what was happening yesterday. I wasn’t in a lot of pain; it just kind of felt… soft. I could tell something was wrong, but it was nothing like this. Throughout the night and all day today though, the soft tightening of my belly became a tight grip of my belly from the devil's hands himself! 

“I’m not doing shit for you, Rob!” I scream at him after a couple of moments. I shoot him what I can only imagine to be the dirtiest look I might have possibly ever given somebody. “Are you having a fucking baby?! Are you about to push something out of your fucking vagina?!”

Rob rolls his eyes, but I can tell he’s trying to keep both his patience and cool intact. He glances back at Evelyn uncertainly before letting out a small sigh. 

“Where’s your phone?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He tries and fails to sound stem. “Not the one Dane left you… the other one.”

I’m doubled over in pain; Why are they just fucking standing there letting me go through this?! 

“What is up with you guys and this damned obsession with the phone?!” I scream at them through my crying, turning to look at them both. “Nothing you guys think you’re going to do will fix this, okay?! Just give me my damned dose, please! You don’t underst-“

Another pain cuts me off and leaves me bawling instead. 

I didn’t get a chance to go to any of the birthing classes Mama Gold signed Ty and I up for, but I don’t think this is normal… I can’t breathe! The pain is so bad I can’t fucking breathe!

“Please, Rob!” I beg once the pain lets up for a second. “Please!”

Rob looks like he could give in, but Evelyn makes her way beside him and gives him a look as if to encourage him to remain strong. 

Fucking Evelyn! 

“E-Evelyn came up with a plan, Jen…” he says, continuing to withhold my dose from me. “I think... it could work. I’ll let you have your drugs, Jen- as much as you want! But... I need you to let us try to help you, at least... You need to tell us where the phone is.”

I want to scream at them both. I want to tell them to mind their own fucking business and do what the fuck I say because I’m Jenalyn, and wanting things my way is written in my DNA.

I can’t though. 

I can’t fight anything because I can’t even fight what’s going on with myself. My head is swarming with thoughts, and it’s honestly too overwhelming to deal with.

I want it all to fucking stop.No, I need it to.  

I honestly don’t care what they do anymore. I’m basing all of this off a fear of Dane, and what he’ll do to kill me and this baby if I fuck something up. But McKaiden is gone and, at this point, because of it? I wouldn’t mind dying too much either... 

Hell, if Rob is offering me as much of my stash as I want for the information? I could take care of that right now and save us all the trouble.

What is there really to be afraid of? 

“Ohmigod, it’s in the fucking tampon box!” I yell, sitting myself up despite how uncomfortable it is. 

Evelyn rushes off, assumingly to retrieve the phone, while Rob let’s out a reluctant sigh and approaches me. 

“The whole thing,” I say immediately, eyeballing the syringe with intention. “Do it slowly, but... do it all. Even if I fall out before you’re done.”

Rob rolls his eyes with a worried look on his face, but still positions himself to shoot me up. I wrap my arm tight and hold it out to him while trying to fight back inevitable tears. 

The needle pricks my skin, and Rob slowly pushes the syringe down. I feel it rush through my veins immediately and have to let out a sigh as my body loosens up. 

He wants to stop there; I can see it on his face as his eyes find their way to mine. 

He knows he can’t though. Evelyn emerges from the bathroom with the phone. I held up my end of the deal. 

He has to hold up his. 

He pushes slower than I meant for him to, but I don’t complain... I probably couldn’t if I tried. My words would resemble more of a bowl of alphabet soup than legible English. 

I can feel it start to strip the walls of my mind, washing down all the thoughts that tormented my it.

He keeps pushing. 

I can feel it fumigating my head, and ridding it of everything until it’s just a hollow skull up there. 

And it’s…

the last thing I feel... before… 

...

...

...

nothing.