Jenalyn: Crossing Lines (#4) [Complete]

Chapter 83: Hayden

Eight days later...
Friday, 2:34 P.M. EST

I can tell that something is wrong.

McKaiden used to kick me, and squirm around in my belly to let me know that she was strong, and that things would be okay. And I really felt it!

Now though?... I can feel that she's not okay. I can feel her trying to tell me she's not okay, and although I ultimately can't bring her into this lifestyle, it still kills me.

I didn't account for this...

I just thought... I'd be able to get high forever. I thought I'd be able to just... die... or forget...

I didn't think.

I didn't fucking think, and now Dane is trying to take me off these drugs and the damage is already done! I'm- I'm just fucking losing it, okay?!

"Do I need to buy a lock for this room while I'm gone?" Dane asks, his brows flat as he pulls me from the shit storm of my mind. I immediately know he's talking about the new apartment, and it's lack of any Dane-modifications. His apartment is getting a fresh paint job, so he's got to make do with this one for a little while. "There's no fucking way you're getting into my stash now; But somehow, I still feel I can't trust you here until Monday without being locked up..."

He knows I'm not going to answer him. Whether he knows I'm totally capable of doing so now? That's a mystery. But I'm riding this "she's fucked up and spacey because of her seizures last week" wave for as long as I can.

Dane is apparently going to go kill some doctor way out in Bumfuck, so it's going to be a few days before he comes back. He says it's a personal thing or he would have just sent a goon. I don't care what it is... I'm just thankful he'll be away for a little while.

I need time to be alone... I need time to try to mentally kill myself so I can get through the rest of my days until I can find a way to just... end it all.

He let's out a small sigh, continuing to pack his bag until it's full and then turns to me.

"Well... there's a bunch of the stupid pastas you like in the freezer. Ev and Rob will be over to check on you, but that doesn't mean social hour with Ev... Oh- and I left you a cellphone, but don't think you're getting slick with it. Aside from emergency contacts, it'll only dial out and text to me." he says, almost all in one breath. "I know I'll be away, but remember- we're back home now. I'm good with the whole piggy force around here. If you try to contact an emergency number? The pigs will be here, but I will follow soon after."

I wish he'd stop talking to me. I need to be alone. Well, to be alone as I can be until I find something to shut these damned voices in my head up.

I don't want to deal with anything, let alone plotting an escape.

"I don't care enough to even try," I quietly mumble to myself. Dane's head snaps back toward me with a look of surprise though; I didn't think he could hear me.

"Woah-ho-ho! Look who found her voice! I knew it was too good to be true! A mute Jena? Psh! That'd just be too great!" he exclaims exaggeratively, sarcasm in his voice.

I don't bother to respond to him, I just glare at him with my brows flat.

He let's out a small laugh after realizing I'm back to silence and makes his way over to me. I'm so accustomed to wanting to run when this happens that it surprises me when I wish a beating into the universe.

Maybe he'll knock me unconscious again. That'd be better than any of this; I'd welcome it.

Instead though, he gently lifts my face to his so that he can stare me right in the eye.

"Rob has a couple doses pre-made for you at his place, Lil Bit. I left some for your next couple doses with him, but after that? You're cut," he says. Releasing my face, he lets out a short laugh. "-From this shit at least... but we'll find you something better. I found these little white pills I think you'd like. I won't let you suffer, babygirl."

How could he possibly be trying to play nice when he's putting me through all of this? Finding me drugs that aren't serious enough to kill me when all I want to do is leave this fucking place isn't nice...

"I don't want your stupid pills," I spit back at him, not even bothering to hide the attitude in my voice.

Dane's brows raise before his face turns up in an amused smile. "You say that now!" he smirks before turning back around to grab his bag and head toward the door. "But I know you... and I have a feeling they'll be your new muse."