Jenalyn: Crossing Lines (#4) [Complete]

Chapter 13: Tyler

Saturday, 10:31 A.M. PST

"We don't!?" It's the only thing I can muster up. It comes out panicked and as more of a question, but I didn't intend for it to come out at all so I try to fix it. "We don't."

Hayden grows uncomfortable, but I bet it's got nothing on how I feel right now.

I don't think my heart has ever been in my chest before... or beating as hard and fast as it does. I can't hear her over the sound of its thumping.

"We can't do this forever, Ty... It's not logical," I'm sure I hear her say, but my heart is beating too loud in my ears.

"Hayden, please don't say that..." I mumble, running both hands through my hair as I try to gather my crumbling mind. "What can't we do anymore? What're we doing?!"

I look over to her. She sits, staring at me with a sympathetic glare before she adverts her gaze to picking her nails.

"This pretend stuff..." she tells me, her voice weak. "I don't want to do this pretend stuff anymore!"

I feel my cheeks grow hot, and I fall into a deeper state of panic when I realize what that means. But I'm not going to fucking cry; I refuse!

"I'm sorry, Tyler! I love you so much, I really do!" she says after a few seconds of tense silence left between us. "And we will always be a family! I-"

I don't mean to cut her off, but I can't help myself. I don't want to hear it. No, I can't.

"I haven't been pretending, Hayden," I tell her after a moment of trying to catch a breath that seems to just keep slipping away from me. I've never felt this way over a female before; I'm not sure I'm handling it well. "I haven't been pretending with you! This has all been real! Has it been shitty? Yes, we fucked up somewhere! I can admit that! But everything I've done... everything I put up with has been real! I love you! And I know you love me too. We can get past this!!"

Tears race down her face. This can't be what she wants! Why would she be fucking crying if this was what she wanted?!

"That's the problem, Ty! We love each other!" she sniffles, her tears glistening on her cheeks. "It will never work out! That's just how love works with me, okay? If you love me, I'm going to hurt you! And because I love you? I'll keep hurting you and keep hurting you until you have no choice but to retaliate! It will become so toxic, and Ty... I don't want that for us... I don't even want to risk it!"

I didn't think I'd fall for Hayden as hard or fast as I did. No, I didn't think I'd fall for her at all! That was never in the plans.

She was just a girl from Pennsylvania, who had an amazing talent that caught the attention of my girlfriend at the time! She was only 16 at the time, but one of the most intriguing people I'd ever met.

And beautiful.

I knew that I shouldn't fuck with her... and for more reasons than the age difference, and my past relationship with her new "sister."

I did though, and from that moment on... I've belonged to her. I don't know how I fell so hard, but I never want to pick myself up!

"That's what a relationship is, Hayden..." I say after a few moments, trying to sort through the chaos in my head. "You take risks... you chance getting hurt! That's just how it works!"

She says nothing. I can tell by her face that it's because she doesn't know what to say.

That wasn't a good enough argument for her. She will risk everything else in the world, including the life of our child just to get high, but she can't do this?

She can't risk getting hurt in the same way she repeatedly hurt me?

I want to grow frustrated thinking about it, but can't. She's scared... I get it.

As crazy as it may be, I don't fault her for being so upset with me. Has she cheated on me numerous times? Yes. But at this point, she's disclaimed that it's... a problem of hers.

A result of what that douchebag in Pennsylvania put her through, I'm sure.

I don't have the same excuse... and I always promised her that I wouldn't cheat.

"I swear, I will never hurt you like this again," I tell her before I get too wrapped up in my thoughts. I reach my arm across the center console to place my hand on her shoulder. "I know you think you're going to keep hurting me, and I'm going to keep reacting badly but it doesn't have to be that way! If we could just... move past this? Start over and let me be the support that I know I can? You can get better! You haven't had the opportunity. I fucked that up! But we can do this again, I-"

She cuts me off, pulling my hand from her shoulder to turn to me with her brows turned up in worry.

"I'm not going to get better, Ty," she mumbles, her voice faint. "I don't choose to do the things I do... If I could get better, I would have done it by now..."

I can't hear her words over the sound of my own overlapping hers.

"You're worth the risk, Hayden," I tell her, shaking my head as I brush off her doubts. I know she can get better. She might have by now if I didn't send her on a spite rampage! "I'm willing to try. Don't give up because I made one mistake... give me a chance to be your superman. I know I can..."

She doesn't want to tell me no, but I can still see the reluctance spread across her tear ridden face.

"Can we just get through this trip to New York?" she asks, raising her eyes to mine as if to plead.

It's not the rainbow breaking through the clouds on a stormy day... but it's not the angry lightning and booming thunder from the storm either.

"Deal."