Into Your Eyes

Chapter 32

Archer's PoV

She's asking the impossible.

I can't tell her. I can't. It would be like reliving it all over again.

But.

She told me. She told me about her past and maybe that's not all of it, but it's still enough.

She had the courage to look me in the eye and show me her monsters. Why can't I do that?

Because you're a coward.

I heave in a deep breath. It's not fair for her. It's not fair. I should tell her. I must tell her.

"You want to know who's her?"

The silence was all that greeted me, but her eyes said it all. And then again the silence is louder than any words.

I grabbed her hand just like the first day of school and dragged her away from the detention room. This will cause us more detention, but I don't care and from the looks of it, she doesn't care either.

This time she didn't snatch her hand from me like before. Instead, she laced her delicate fingers with mine and tugged.

Am I dreaming?

I mentally pinched myself to see if it was all my imagination. I would be knocked out of this and see her walking ahead of me after she slapped me. Yes, that would be the reality.

However, even after I pinched myself she was still here, holding my hand, and walking with me.

Goddammit. She drives me crazy.

We reached the parking lot to where my car was, got in and rode in silence to the destination in my mind.

We had to walk a little to reach it though. So when I parked the car in front of a gravel path she looked confused but didn't question.

We walked in restless silence, neither of us figuring out how to break the tension.

Finally, we reached a cliff. The sky was colored with red and orange lines while the sun was sinking behind the horizon. It was a sight to behold and it calmed my jumbled nerves.

I sat down dangling my legs on the edge of the cliff and Alex followed through. Neither of us said anything, just enjoying the view in front of us.

"Wow"

Alex was the first to break the silence and when I looked at her she had a distant look in her eyes. She looked stunning.

Yeah, wow is right.

I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to be one of those cheesy guys that would say 'just like you' but that doesn't mean that I didn't think it.

I'm a fucking mess.

Before I start rethinking the whole thing, I blurt out the things that come to my mind.

"I used to bring her here"

She doesn't say anything just an encouraging nod to let me know that I have her full attention.

"We would sit and talk for minutes, hours and sometimes days. We would camp here..."

I turned my head to stare at her and show her the sincerity behind the words I'll utter.

"They were the best months of my life"

Alex's hazel eyes widened slightly, turning green almost instantly.

"She was amazing. She did everything right and when she would make a mistake she'd apologize and make it right again. She-I loved her"

Was that pain that I saw in her eyes right now?

"Or that's what I thought"

I marveled in the way her eyes showed immense relief after what I said, and the sigh that escaped her mouth did not escape me. Her eyes were a deep green color but now it's fading.

"She was perfect. Too perfect. I should have realized that she was not real. She was just a facade, an illusion. I was desperate, young and stupid, and she used me."

"She used me for the money, for the fame, for the sex and good looks that brought her popularity. She was shallow as hell"

"I thought our relationship was the best one that could ever exist. I thought we had something special. I thought she was special"

I bite back the pathetic laugh I wanted to let out.

"Damn, How naive was I"

I paused a little to let her soak in everything.

"Her name was Diana. Our relationship was fast and reckless. Hell, I was reckless. At school, we were the IT couple. Everything was going smoothly. I took her out to the fanciest restaurants ever and she would pretend that she would have preferred McDonald"

"I bought her the finest jewelry and designer clothes, but she would always tell me the same statement"

"You didn't need to or there's no need to"

"Basically, she fed me lies and I ate them like the stupid guy I was"

From that, she smiled a little and I smiled back.

"When I started to open up to her, she distanced herself. She always made excuses and bailed on our dates at the last minute. Then one day, I told her about my past. I spilled everything. How I was treated in the past and so on. I told her that I wanted to marry her and start a family with her. I told her that she was the one for me. At that, she laughed"

I ignored the pang in my chest and continued with a broken voice.

"I was literally pouring my heart out for her and she laughed. I felt as if all the energy in me was sucked out. She told me that the thing between us was just a passing face. Temporary. She didn't want ties or anything. She just wanted the money, popularity, and sex"

"I had a certain void in my heart. I think I used her as much as she used me. I was filling that void using her. But I knew deep down that it wasn't working. Yet I kept convincing myself that it is"

I didn't stop here. I continued.

"I didn't want to tell you about my past because I'm afraid that you'll leave me. Just like she did. I don't think I'd be able to take it though if you left"

This is it.

"Because I truly know that I love you"