TEXTING ; wdw

103

why i haven't been posting as much..

hi guys, it's megan. and i'm sure you all know but i haven't been updating very often lately, and i almost debated naming the entire chapter that, but i think that this is something i want everyone who may read this in the future to hear.

lately i haven't been fully feeling myself. my mind seems as if it's fluttering, clouds are enveloping my soul and are waiting to wander off. if i'm not careful, i might lose myself.

every day i go without posting, i feel like i'm letting you all down, (which i know i'm not because you all are the sweetest ever) but in the bigger picture i'm letting myself down. wattpad notifications make my smile widen every second of every day, and the thought that i couldn't type out the words to get them to appear onto my phone screen makes my heart hurt.

i've been doubting myself so much in the past few weeks, and i'm totally aware of it. i need to stop letting my thoughts get the best of me, and i promise i'm trying. i feel like i'm distancing myself from the people i love online and in real life, and it's not healthy for me. sometimes i can't help myself.

i open a new part to write, maybe type out a few sentences. doubt settles into my mind, i know i can do better, so on impulse i delete all i've worked on, mentally get annoyed at myself about it, and open up youtube and drive myself insane from boredom and denial. the accuracy of this paragraph is scary to me, i'm not even sure if i want to read it over.

i'm using writing this down as an initiative to change. i need to admit to myself that i am good enough and you guys deserve to get more chapters, and hopefully soon that'll happen. who knows, a chapter may pop out tomorrow or even next week, i couldn't tell you. writing is my escape, and the fact that it's stressing me past my limits isn't something i want to happen.

i'm going to better myself for you all.

this was very deep, and if it made no sense i'm sorry, but please know that i'm not begging for your sympathy, there's too many bitches in my school doing that already.

writing this was solely for my own good, and honestly i'm feeling better already. this book has so much left to go.

i love you, so much. you keep me going.

and if any of you ever feel the need, for any reason, message me! i wanna make new friends, and this is my platform to do so. wattpad changed my life only for the better, and it's because of you all.

this book hit 40k reads yesterday, which is just an example of how amazing you all are. i love you forever.

love, megan. hope to see you all soon <3