speak. • sequel to mute. • muke au

drunk.

Michael.

"C-cal?" I cry into the phone which is pressed against my tear stained face. I am right outside his house. I just needed somewhere to go, I couldn't stay there.

"Mikey? What is it? What's wrong?" he asks, worried.

"Um, can I come in? I am outside...I didn't wanna wake the baby or anything..." I sniffle.

"Yeah, yeah. One sec." I hear shuffling on the other end and he quickly opens the door, seeing me standing there. "C'mon Mikey..." he leads me inside.

I sit on the couch, staring blankly at the floor, trying to count the specks in the carpet. Anything to distract myself.

"What happened." he questions, sitting next to me.

"You were right. I think he's cheating on me." my voice is flat, monotone.

"Oh God, did you see them?" he asks.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Today, when they were together..." his eyebrows furrow

"How did you know they were together today?" I look at him confused.

"Shit, well, I saw them..."

"And you didn't tell me?!? Bloody hell Calum." I mumble.

"I tried to tell you last time and you didn't believe me! So...I was going to show you..." his voice trails off.

"What do you mean show me?" I ask him, slightly annoyed. He just pulls out his phone and hands it to me. I look down. picture of Luke and Ava together cover the screen. They are in line at Starbucks. Sitting together, holding hands across the table...I swipe the screen.

Luke's hands are cupping her cheeks and shes smiling, he also wears a grin. My throat swells and my stomach forms knots and the tears come again.

"It's true..."

Part of me was still praying that this was just some joke, That Cal was lying and April was seeing things. I don't want to believe it. My one and only love...

My hands tremble and I can't find air to breath in, as tears stream down my face. I gave him everything.

Everything.

How could he do this to me? To us?

How was I not good enough?

How am I never good enough?

I feel like I want to just scream until my lungs explode, but I won't, I can't. I cant get air to fill them, they quiver, shriveling. Like my heart...is it even there anymore?

I don't feel it beat...I don't the feel the warmth it brings my body...I don't feel anything physically. Emotionally, I don't even know. My body can't decide what to feel, all the emotions are spilling out at once.

Anger.

Sadness.

Confusion

Regret

Love

Hate

Ache

Numbness

My chest hurts, it's empty. But my mind has never felt more busy. It hurts...I just want to sleep and never wake up. Never face this. How long has this been going on? I can't get a straight thought into my brain, it gets intertwined and confused with questions, possible answers, and ugly comments that swirl around in my brain.