speak. • sequel to mute. • muke au

empty.

MICHAEL TURNS 19 IN 2 DAYS I'M FUCKING DONE

{trigger warning}

Michael.

Drink, just drink. It'll make all the bad things go away. Just keep going, have another. Don't worry about a damn thing, just drink. Doesn't that feel nice? You're starting to forget, aren't you? Have another, soon it will be all over. Everything will be back to normal. No one will ever remember what happened, it will all be okay. I promise. Just keep drinking...

Bottles and bottles later I couldn't remember a single thing. It made me smile, who the hell was I? Where the hell am I? And why do I care? I take another swig from my bottle, the smooth liquid running down my parched throat. How do you open a beer bottle again? I can't remember, just the way I like it.

But what was I even trying to forget in the first place?

I can't remember.

I hear someone softly close a door. Who is that? Should I be worried?

Hey, don't you worry about a thing, I'll take care of it all. Just don't even think, I'll do all the talking for you...just relax....

~

My head was pounding inside my skull. I could feel the flesh thump against my bones, aching. I begin to open my sore eyes and try to sit up, getting too dizzy. I quickly flop back down and hold my throbbing head. I finally wake up enough to open my eyes, I was in the living room. The ache in my back suggested I had been here for at least a few hours.

What the hell happened?

Luke fucking hates you, that's what. The voices scold me. I groan and try to push them away.

Oh you don't remember? Poor Mikey, here, let me help you...just like I did yesterday

Memories from the day before flood into my pulsing head, only making the pain more severe. Whatever was left of my heart has now shriveled and turned to dust. What have I done? I still don't remember doing any og it....I mean, I don't remember saying it. I remember it being said. But it doesn't feel like I said those words. How could I? Please, please tell me I just made up that whole thing.

They were all lies and I would never a single one, no matter how angry I was. Never. I love Luke, he is so beautiful and perfect in every way, h-how could I say those things to him? How could I even think those things?

Did I?

I don't know if he'll ever believe me, or forgive me...Oh my God. What if he never forgives me? What will I ever do without him? I need to fix this I don't know if I ever an, but I sure as hell am not giving up without a fight.

I rush upstairs, I was absolutely and utterly terrified. I just need him to listen, that's all. He needs to listen, and if he loves me, he'll believe me.

I hope.

I let myself into our room. Pausing at the doorway, the bed was empty. The sheets and duvet carelessly crumpled. I slowly walk over to it, smoothing out the white material with my hand. Cold.

Cold as if no one had slept in it at all. My stomach drops and my chest tightens. I rush to our bathroom and throw open the door.

Empty.

As I am making my way to April's room, I see or closet. Hangers thrown around, his half...Empty. The panic sets in and I sprint to April's room. Bed. Empty. Closet. Empty. Room.

Empty.

They left. Without a note or anything. This feeling inside of me:

Empty.

I can feel the vibration my cell phone against my skin. I mindlessly fish it out of my tight jeans. I don't bother checking the caller ID.

"Man, you really fucked up this time." I hear Calum sigh on the other end before I can even say hello.

"I-Is he there? Calum please, you have to let me explain to hi-"

"He isn't here Michael. And even if he was there is no way in hell that I would let you see him. In fact, the only reason I'm calling is because he asked me to." he huffs.

"W-why?"

"He wanted me to tell you that he left. He has April and he isn't coming back. He also told me to tell you not to look for him, it's not what he wants. He said that he would send over the divorce papers in a week. He wants you to sign them, he wants you to end this. He doesn't want you to fight anymore, he wants to be done. He wants to move on and you should do the same."

"Calum where is he, goddammit tell me right now." I growl, tears feverishly running down my face.

"Michael, he wants you to stop, he doesn't want you anymore. You lost him. He's gone." with that he hung up, leaving me am angry, sobbing mess.

You're so damn pathetic, look at you. Crying over someone who obviously made a very easy choice, who would want to stay with you anyway? A liar, a cheater, a drunk, a hideous human being, inside and out. You are nothing, you're empty with him, and he's probably relieved to be away from you. You'll never see your daughter again, never tell her you love her, never see her grow.

And you deserve it. You deserve to feel empty and you deserve to not be loved.

He's gone, and he's never coming back.

What else do you have to live for?

Nothing.

You just end it now, just end it all now.

It'll be easy, It'll be slow, painful, what you deserve. trust me, you need to do this. It's the only way.

You won't feel anything after, this will all be over

Just do it...

No. I can't leave, I'm not leaving without a fight.

But Luke doesn't want you to fight anymore.

I don't care, I will never give up on him.

Even when he gave up on you?

Never.

Maybe just a little something to remind yourself? You did call his scars ugly, this is the only way he'l believe you. Show him that you truly do think he's beautiful. Give yourself scars, prove yourself.

Do it.

I find myself in the bathroom before can even remember making up my mind. The blood coating my wrists, my hands shake as I look down at what I've done. My skin slashed and abused all the way up to my elbow.

Why don't you just go a little deeper? No harm done right?

My fingers grip the cool metal in my hands, I feel nothing.

Maybe a little more?

Still nothing, weird. I feel nothing.

Deeper, just until you can feel it.

The blood oozing out is now a dark black and it just, it won't stop. But I still feel nothing, not an once of pain. It frustrates me, I deserve to be in pain, after everything I've done. I should hurt so bad that I want to die. I need to feel something...anything, other than the emptiness eating away at my chest.

Deeper my dear, the pain will come soon.

For now, just go deeper, deeper, deeper...