speak. • sequel to mute. • muke au

crazy.

Michael.

My blood stained wrists are a reminder of him every damn day.

I try to forget, even for five minutes, but I can't

 I was just so fucking sad.

I've been moping around doing everything in my power not to think of Luke. I missed having him in my arms, I missed being able to kiss him and whisper I love you's in his ear. I missed being able to call him kitten and see his cheeks flush a rosy pink color. I missed the way he would nibble on his bottom lip and the way he smiled and how he always ran his fingers through his hair. I miss how I could wrap my arms around him and watch him as he sleeps. I miss the way he would moan out my name when I would kiss his neck. I missed the way his lips would look so swollen and red after we kissed.I miss how he always called April 'princess' and her whole face would just light up. I miss April, I miss my daughter. I miss our family.

But I've been doing absolutely nothing about it, I mean, what was I supposed to do? He didn't want me anymore. Hell, he could even say it to my face and had to make Calum do it. I have cried myself to sleep for the past three days and I would cry all day, just knowing that he isn't here. That he never will be.

I just want to tell him I love him, so fucking bad, I just want to tell him, I want to hear him say it back.

I want it to be like it was, when we were in love, I was undoubtedly head over heels for him and he just left. Without even saying goodbye.

The only thing that I do all day is sleep, cry, drink and cut, cry.

That's how my days have been spent.

I wake up, I cry because what else do I have to live for without them? I drink, trying to forget which only reminds me why I drank in the first place and my thoughts return to Luke. I get so damn frustrated with myself, the voices scream and scold me, they tell me I deserve it. I cut, scars now line my arms and all along my thighs. I cry even more, because everything is so fucked. I love someone who probably hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me, and I fucking deserve it. I then go back to sleep, not bothering to clean up my crimson mess. Then it happens all over again.

I can't fucking do this, every time I try to go deeper and just try to end it all I can't. I just cant, their is that little light voice, speaking softly and soothingly telling me to stop. I can barely hear it through the nasty, angry ones, but I hear it. It sounds like Luke's voice, husky and sweet. I listen to it. I guess there is still that little pang of hope that Luke does still love me. That he'll take me back.

But it's small, so small I can barley even wrap my head around it. My eyes are sore from my deliberate crying, my cheeks are sticky from salty tears and I feel so uncomfortable.

I bet Luke would think you were so pathetic right now. Crying over him, he's probably relieved that he doesn't have to deal with you anymore.

I tug at my hair. why do they always do this, they erupt at my weakest moments. I forcefully bang my head against the wall, trying to silence them.

It's not that easy to get rid of us, yo should know this by know. Why can't you just kill yourself? What the point of living a life worth nothing? You're such a pussy, why can't you just do it?

You're being selfish.

Just do it.

I clench my teeth so hard I fear my teeth may crack and I rough;y pull open the bathroom drawer, wasting no time. I instantly start on my forearms, pressing the blade as hard as I can.