This is my truth

Mental damage

Human beings are fragile creatures.
When one is born and then abandoned by their mother we act as if it's nothing.
Because it's common.
But it's not nothing, it's damaging!
My mother was born and then abandoned at the hospital 71 years ago.
It could have been worse.
My biological grandmother could have left her in a trash can.
My real grandmother, the woman who stood up for my mom and adopted her was our savior.
But for the first week of my mother's life she was kept in a utility closet.
I'm sure that her pretty little eyes hurt 💔
The Dr. put the wrong drops in them when she was born and they were burned.
According to my real grandma who adopted her she was kept in a dark utility closet while they healed.
She was a blemish in the eyes of most of the hospital staff because she was a blastfemy.
The result of an affair.
Unwanted.
A major inconvenience.
Unloved and unacceptable.
Imagine being a newborn...
Kept alone, in the dark and in pain.
My grandma said that by the time she was allowed to take my mom home from the hospital she was like a limp noodle and never cried.
Many of her cries went unanswered in the quiet closet.
The brain in my mom's tiny baby head learned young that her cries would not be answered.
At 6 month old her bottle was taken away from her because she broke so many by throwing them.
Of course she didn't know better.
I imagine that she was full of frustrating feelings in her tiny heart and mind.
But my grandma who adopted her was hardcore on behaving properly and my mother throwing her bottle looked like defiance to her!
And my mom definitely grew to be  unruly!
She grew to be a happy go lucky little pistol!
She still found joy 💫
She still felt happiness ⭐️
I heard stories of how she'd get under my grandmas skin and then giggle & laugh while my grandma chased her around the house hitting her with a rolled up newspaper!
Her zest for life was refreshing!
She brought joy to her family.
But they had strife in their lives and my mom was an innocent victim of my grandmas sour disposition and my grandpa's infadelity.
My grandma was sour because she was not treated well by her husband.
He had affairs.
My grandma suffered.
Her suffering trickled down all over my mothers heart 💔
Her family became bitter.
My mother was damaged by everyone else's negativity and fought tooth and nail to move on and make a happy life for herself!
But she couldn't shake the damage.
Her brain was damaged by all of her unanswered infant cries.
She never shook the heavy and draining feelings of being abandoned and people leaving her life or not showing her enough love became her biggest fear.
She was obsessed with feeling loved ♥️
She looked for it in all the wrong places and got herself hurt over and over again 💔
She stumbled through life as if those drops in her eyes had left her blind and not knowing any better!
She was bitter.
And full of painful bleeding wounds on the inside of her.
Tangled up emotions were her undoing.
But I would come and grow to be her repair.