Her (A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction) ✅

Part 36

Shawn's POV

It's been a week since (Y/N) passed away and I've found it almost impossible to say that she's dead. Her funeral is today and I don't know if I can even get through it without bursting into tears. The worst part though is that I was asked to speak about (Y/N)'s life. There won't be many people there but I still don't think I can do it. I feel like as soon as I stand up and walk to the podium I'm going to burst out crying.

When I got to the funeral, I was greeted by Dustin who had only been out of the hospital for a few days.

"Hey," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm going to cry," I admitted.

"Don't worry," Dustin said. "There's just going to be a few people. You'll be fine."

"What about her dad?" I asked.

"They obviously won't let him come," Dustin said.

"Okay," I said.

"And besides, I have more right to be worried about (Y/N)'s dad," Dustin said, trying to bring light to the situation.

"You're right," I said.

"Now, let's go in," Dustin said.

"Okay," I said, following him into the church.

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After Dustin had spoken about (Y/N), it was my turn. I stood up as Dustin sat down and I walked up to the podium. Dustin was right, there weren't many people. There were maybe five or six people in total. I felt their eyes on me and looked down at my notes.

"Hi, my name is Shawn. I was (Y/N)'s boyfriend until she passed. I met (Y/N) one day while I was signing autographs and saw how beautiful she was. I had to get her name and when I did, I was amazed at how well her name fit her beautiful self.

In the short time I had with (Y/N), I saw her happiness, her sadness. I saw when she was scared, when she was worried, and when she was hurt. One thing about (Y/N) is that I never had to ask her if she was sad or hurt, I just had to look her in the eyes. When I did, I saw how sad or hurt she was.

On our first date and where I asked her to be my girlfriend, I thought I messed up and almost lost her. But, for some reason, she still wanted me. On that fateful day, we became boyfriend and girlfriend and, to be completely honest, I had never been happier.

Now that she's gone, I'm having a hard time accepting it. But with these awesome memories, I think it would be hard to forget (Y/N).

That's all, thank you," I said, leaving the podium and mentally slapping myself for the speech being so choppy.

"Good job, bud," Dustin said as I sat next to him.

"Thanks," I said with a half-smile.

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It's been two years since (Y/N) died and I was revisiting her grave. Doing this had become a normal thing. I came to her grave all the time to talk about my day or sing a song.

Today, I decided to talk about it being the two year anniversary of (Y/N)'s death. It really hurt to talk to a gravestone but for some reason, it helped.

I kneeled by the gravestone and placed the simple rose I had brought right in front of it.

"Hey, (Y/N)," I said. "I'm back again."

There was silence.

"I know you're gone and can't hear me, but I can't believe it has already been two years since you left. I still have a hard time with it," I said. "Dustin has gotten a lot better. He found a girlfriend and they've been together for a year and a half. I'm happy for them but keep wondering what will happen with me.

I know you and I only knew each other for a few days but I'm finding it hard to move on. Hopefully, I can, but I know it's going to be hard."

I sighed as the wind blew through the trees.

"I really miss you, ya know?" I asked. "I wish you were here with me now so I could hug you and give you a kiss."

There was more silence and I started to stand up.

"Alright, I have to go," I said. "I have a long day at the studio."

I started to walk away from (Y/N)'s grave before I faced it one last time.

Sighing, I said the same words I always did before I left the graveyard.

"I love you."

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Welp, that's the end. I hope you enjoyed my story and I love you all! ❤