oneshots 🧷 joshler

bird wings

t//w harsh topics
also this isn't really joshler but pshh

all his life, tyler joseph was a bird. he knew that he was a bird, but he didn't know why. it was just a feeling deep down inside him that told him that he was a bird, and he felt that over the years he evolved, from just a little chick, just a little tiny thing, to the biggest, greatest bird he could be.

his bird, depending on his mood, would change. it kept changing between a dove, to a robin, to a blue jay, to an eagle, to a raven, and back to a dove again. sometimes he was two or three birds in a day. sometimes, he was just one singular bird, and it wouldn't change for months on end.

his love never faltered for the feeling of being a dove or a raven, though.

a dove feeling occurred when he was happy, when he felt so absolutely fantastic, when he felt like he had the world in the palm of his hands, like everything was going his way.

a raven was the complete opposite.

now, you might think that the exact opposite of happy is sad, and you'd be right. but, that was the beauty of it all. tyler loved being sad. many people found this confusing and odd, but it made sense to him. it made sense to him because it was like raindrops on the window, and looking out and seeing frozen grass when you expected snow. sometimes, these things were better than what was expected, and it made him feel better then sad. he was a raven when he felt like this, and he was a raven when he was sad, like having a friend die, or watching your life waste away. he had no other bird for this feeling of sad-happy, but he made the raven work, and the raven inside of him liked it, and he was fine.

for the other birds, they were just plain feelings, none complex like the raven. a blue jay with anger and frustration, a vulture was bravery, a robin was fear, an eagle was confusion.

bravery doesn't seem like a real emotion that people experience everyday, but it was for tyler. everything made sense to tyler in his own way, and he made it work, and he was fine. you see, tyler was brave 99% of the time. he needed it to live. his entire life was made up of bravery.

so yes, he was a vulture quite often, but sometimes it would change, and sometimes he would feel like he was a mixture of two or three birds.

his most favorite feeling in the world though, was when he would fly.

tyler would sometimes soar above the clouds, looking down at earth, smiling to himself as he wondered how the world spun and why bones weren't harder and why record players made the scratchy noise when they were put at the wrong place and how people forgot things so easily, when he easily had the entire world in his head.

when he wasn't flying, you could often find him in a tree, or in his bedroom, curled up in his wings, reading a book or writing a new story. sometimes, he would turn into a new bird right in the middle of his flying or his writing or his reading, but nobody questioned it. they all saw it as normal.

tyler knew it was normal, too.

there was just one thing. whenever he was flying, he didn't feel it deep inside of his bones, didn't feel the adrenaline in his veins, didn't feel like he was truly there. he watched other birds like him soar past, feeling pity for their non-changing abilities, but also wishing that he was always up in the air, not ever needing to take a break, always flying, flying, flying.

he had a friend. he liked to fly with him sometimes, but he sometimes didn't want to, and for the only reason was that he didn't want to get too close. his friend was really nice to him, but he felt like if he was with him too much, then he would lose him forever. he didn't want to be a raven for the end of time, didn't want to risk it, so he just kept him as a friend.

he frowned when he was in his room, stroking his wings and thinking about his flying. it was getting better! but it was harder for him to realize he was doing it. it was like when he finally got a grip on reality, it was falling through his fingers.

maybe it was normal. he'd ask his friend about it on the next flight around town.

but his friend... he didn't want to seem too open, too eager, too... creepy. his wings flicked from a dove to a robin.

maybe he should just go on a flight by himself, just to calm him down. just a flight alone, with himself and his thoughts.

his mother called goodnight to him, an he called it back, not getting up from his spot. his light flickered, making his stomach flip, and he looked to his window, out to the fire escape.

his mother had told him not to fly at night, that it was dangerous. but this was desperate; he needed this right now. surely she wouldn't get upset over just one time, right?

he hesitantly got up and walked over to the window, opening it and climbing out to the fire escape. he looked up, up to the very top, where it connected with the roof. if only he could reach it...

so he started climbing, up, up to the roof of the building. he had been there before, but was told not to go there. he and his friend had gone there several times, mostly to hang out and then to fly.

but his friend was now forgotten, and his wings unfurled into great vulture wings as he climbed up, up to the rooftop.

he reached it soon enough, his wings dropping down to doves as he climbed up, feeling the wind whip around his body. he was going to fly at last!

he walked slowly over to the ledge of the roof, looking down at his lit-up city. it was twilight, now, and the colors all blurred together and made tyler want to fly faster and further than he had ever gone before.

he backed up, to the whole other ledge, taking a few deep breaths and convincing himself that this is right, this is what he wants. just some alone time with himself.

and he start running.

the wind was going fast as he picked up the pace, trying to choose the right time to unleash his wings and fly into the cool night air. his heart went faster, faster, faster, as he started to get nearer, and his smile grew bigger as he realized that yes, once again, he will fly.

his feet reached the edge, and the grand piano slammed as he leaped off, the stars and moon in the sky snapping off their strings and falling down. tyler's wings changed from a doves to an eagles to a blue jays, finally resting on ravens wings as the wind carried him down and not up.

he squeezed his eyes shut and focused on his thoughts.

he was flying. this was flying. this was what he wanted to feel forever and ever.

his flying stopped abruptly, and the piano played a chord progression that was just off, and the stars glowed instead of twinkled, and the wings melted away.