Unthinkable

May***Part 8

Scooter finally left. Dude cannot take a hint. Finally. Jake and I are attempting to watch "Leaving Las Vegas," for the fourth time. But once again, we are distracted by each other.

The last time we had a make-out sesh at his mom's, his step-dad made a surprise appearance just as Jake was lifting up my shirt. I'm on high alert tonight. Still haven't been able to look either of them in the eyes. Thank god his step-day is out of town this week.

Jake is particularly aggressive tonight. I don't mind it. He's taking charge. It's kinda hot really.

I know he wants more, and I am working my way up to that. I really am. It just all kinda freaks me out. I mean when you think about it, it's really a gross thing to do. And, like, how did cavemen come around to thinking, "Grunt, let me stick this in there. Grunt. Grunt. Scratch. Scratch."

He dragged his hand up my thigh and all the way under my shirt and snapped that clasp with skill and ease. This is new. He's felt my breasts while my bra was on before, and he's seen them, because I've flashed him a couple times, but he's never really gotten a good, up close look at them.

Tonight might be the night.

He paused to make sure it was okay to take my shirt off, all clear, no step-dad. I nod.

He takes my right breast in his hand and leans in to kiss the left. He begins to nibble gently on my nipple. Oh my! What was that?

"You are so... beautiful."

I blushed and reached up to kiss him again. As we were kissing, my bra found its way to the floor. That sent an unexpected thrill up my spine. Now we're both playing skins.

He sits up, to catch his breath. Never taking his eyes off me. After what seemed like decades without kissing, he unbuttons his corduroys, modeling his blue plaid boxers. And leans back down on top of me.

This time I could feel that he's excited. Oooh! Ok. The only thing between me and it is some shoddy cotton boxers. Deep breath.

Let's just keep him interested up top.

I shift so that my nearly b-cups are right in his face. His eyes get real big and he kisses the right one, and then the left one.

Okay, good boy. Play with the girls all you want. Keep that other business in your pants.

I think we are going for a world record. I wonder how long that record is? He is so warm, and I always run a little chilly. He's my own personal heater. I really could kiss this boy forever.

Ring. Ring.

Ring. Ring.

He jumped off of me to grab it — just in case it's his mom.

"Hello? Oh, yes, hi. Hold on." He gestures towards me, "It's your mom."

I walk to the kitchen, standing there topless, and covered in goosebumps, "Hello? Hi Ma. What time? Okay, I'll be ready."

I see Jake checking out the scene from across the room. This must be quite the picture. Suddenly very self-conscious, I nervously cover my breasts with my arms, as best I can.

He shakes his head disappointed. And whispers, "You are beautiful."

"Huh? Oh yeah, fine. No everything is fine, we're just watching a movie. 'Leaving Las Vegas.' Yes, AGAIN. Yes, his mom's here." Lying. "Ma, let me go. I'll see you at 10:30. Okay. Bye."

I hang the phone back up on the wall. And turned back to Jake.

He starts walking towards me and I meet him halfway. We stumble together to the couch. As we grope at each other, blindly navigating the living room, his pants lose their grip on his finely toned ass and hit the floor.

We have resumed our regularly scheduled horizontal non-TV watching. And I'm trying hard not to be too distracted by his erection. As he's kissing his way down between my breasts and inch-by-inch over my stomach, I am finally starting to relax into it. His long fingers circle my waist and his pinkies crossed the border of my jeans — slipping just below the Mason-Dixon Line. Another tingle. Then, his hand makes its way to my button fly. And before I can think to protest, it's open. Ninja!

He's distracted, exploring my belly button with his tongue. And his hands reach for my breasts once again as he suddenly slides himself down. Kissing me gently just below my belly button. Then... he bites my underwear, tugging at the elastic in his teeth, gently pulling them back, and.......

Holy shit. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I shoot up from under him. I don't even know how I moved so quickly.

"Whoa, what's wrong?"

Trying to catch my breath and gather my thoughts, I buttoned my fly and grabbed my t-shirt.

"Sam?"

"I'm not ready." Shaking my head, that was all I could muster. "I'm not ready."

"Okay, okay..." he moves towards me, I point at his pants (or lack of), and look away. He swallows hard, bending over to grab his pants. I quickly throw on my shirt, no time for my bra.

Where IS my bra? I'm having a mild panic attack.

Now, more appropriately clothed, he approaches me again. Pulling me close to him, I fit nicely inside his large wingspan, he just rests his chin on my head. We stand like this, in total silence, for what feels like hours.

"You know, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do." I nod, my cheek rubbing up against his neck. "But Sam, you should know, that I do want you. I really want to have sex with you. I'm waiting for you..."

Before he can finish his sentence, the lights of my mom's SUV blind us through the window as she pulls into the driveway.

I push myself away from him, shove my bra in my book bag and sling it over my shoulder. Feeling composed enough, I kiss him one last time before making my way out the back door.

***

Dear Jesse —

Jake wants to have sex with me.

I want to have sex. Eventually, maybe even with him. But I'm just not ready. And we haven't been together that long.

I mean I like kissing him and I love the feeling when his hands touch me. That little shiver. But he's got so much more experience than I do. And it really freaks me out.

Tonight he kinda indicated that he was waiting for me... but I get the sense he won't wait forever. I mean he didn't say that, I just get the sense that's what he's thinking. And I get that, but I'm just trying to get used to one thing at a time. And tonight all I could feel was his dick rubbing against my thigh. I mean I've felt it before, but it was just more prominent tonight. Just reminding me that it's out there.

I know he's not going to do anything I don't want him to, but I can't get that feeling out of my head. I can't get that hole in the door out of my head either. Quite the unsavory image gallery.

Xo
Sammy

***