I don't want help.
I want to die.
I don't want help.
I want to kill myself.
I don't want help.
I want a way out of here.
Out of this state of mind.
Out of this built up guilt.
Out of this depressed and stressed body.
Out of this cruel world.
I don't want help.
I want to leave.
Leave everything behind.
I'm numb yet I feel so much more than I should.
It's like being stabbed every time something bad happens.
And it happens so often you get used to it.
Then that pain becomes numb.
You become numb.
You become so used to that feeling that you expect it from any little thing.
You become so used to it that you don't dread it anymore.
Then it gets to the point where you want to feel it.
To feel something.
Anything.
Then you become comfortable with that feeling.
You start to need that feeling.
That pain.
It becomes addicting.
Then you get hooked on it.
So you let any little thing get you down just to feel that pain.
Just to feel something.
You become weak.
You become vulnerable.
You become fragile.
You become a monster.
Because when you don't get that feeling or that pain you become very irritable.
You start to want that pain so you hurt yourself.
You cut.
You take pills.
You drink.
Or you physically harm yourself in anyway.
You become toxic for yourself.
Too toxic.
I know this because that's where I'm at in life.
Stuck.
