Why am I like this?
Who do I do what I do?
Who am I?
Why do I push everyone away?
Why do I get so aggravated?
Why do I have walls?
Why do I buck up like I do?
Why am I so stupid?
Am I that fucking stupid?
Am I that stupid to I push the people that are closest to me, away?
Why?
I don't get it.
I don't get why I can't just let people actually care for me.
And love me.
And accept me.
Why do I get to the point of aggravation that I lash out on people?
Why am I so angry?
Why am I so aggravated?
Why am I like this?
Why do I say the things I say?
When sometimes I don't even mean it.
I let words slip that I wouldn't even thought about saying.
I'm a fuck up.
I'm a terrible human.
I'm a monster.
I don't deserve this.
Family.
Friends.
To breathe.
To live.
To exist.
To be able to open my eyes every morning.
To be loved.
To be reassured.
I don't deserve it.
Any of it.
So.
I'm gonna do what I do best.
I'm gonna do what I know to do.
What I think I should do.
What everyone tells me not to do.
What everyone gives me speeches about.
What everyone asks about.
No one deserves to be put through the shit I put them through.
I'm a waste of time and space.
I'm an evil, brutal, ugly, stupid, no good, low life piece of shit.
And I've finally realized that.
And I'm not willing to be okay with that or accept it.
So, I will get rid of it.
