Fifty One Days

Chapter 27 'London'

I pull my car into the car park of a hotel, I'd booked online. I grab one of my suitcases from the boot of my car, I can get the rest later. I throw my handbag over my shoulder and head into the reception. I check in without a problem.

Luckily I managed to eat a sandwich from a service station on the way here, because by the time I got here it was really late.

It took me 10 hours with what should have been a 4 and a half hour trip. First I stopped at the hospital to see Steph. I had arranged for a car to take her and Graham home. The traffic was horrendous after I left  and when I finally stopped to eat half way, there was an accident and it took me a while to get out. I was exhausted. I open the door to my room and practically collapse on the bed. I take a deep breath. I look round the room. I’m completely alone. What have I done? Did I leave too soon? Did I make the right choice? Did I really need to leave? Am I fucking idiot? Yes, yes I am. Should I go back? Yeah I probably should.

I’m going to miss Steph and Graham being parents, I’m going to miss Colson growing up. I’m going to miss Liz growing up.

I made my final decision to go when I headed upstairs to bed, and heard Milo on the phone to his grandmother. He was crying. I sat on the stairs. He told her he didn’t think he was going to get his daughter back, he thought I was going to make him leave and he wouldn’t have a permanent place for her. I couldn’t do that to him but I also couldn’t do it to myself. No this was good for me. I have cried nearly all the way here since I left the hospital. I thought maybe after I spoke to Steph she would know what’s best to do. She wasn’t impressed when I told her.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” She’s sitting in her hospital bed, with fluffy pyjamas on. She still looks absolutely stunning.

I’m leaving Steph,  I’m being transferred to....” I sigh. I can’t keep lying to her “Things have gone absolutely tits up with Milo and Steph listen, I have to tell you something”

“What?”

“Promise you wont be mad?”

“No I’m not promising that, tell me”

I begin to explain everything from my business’s, to everything with Milo and his daughter. I take a breath and peak at her, she is looking down at the little cot next to her. She stays silent.

“Steph? " I say as I put my hand over hers. She pulls her hand quickly as if my hand is made of hot iron. Her eyes dart up to mine.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted too. So many times Steph. I just knew things would be different if I did. None of you would have treated me the same”

“You probably had a right laugh at us all with your ‘staff’. Jesus Ali, Belle, Jenna? They both work for you. I’ve full on taken the piss out of people like you....with you sometimes"

“People like me? Steph I’m still the same person”

“Ali, I think maybe you’d better go now. You know the baby and all?” Graham leads me outside with a hand on my arm. I take one look back at my best friend.

“Yeah I think it would be better if you did move out and go to London” She avoids eye contact with me but I can tell she’s just about to cry.

“You’re actually telling ME to move out of my own house!” My eyes sting with the tears forming in my own.

“Oh yeah sorry I forgot. We're just disposable tenants to you. Dont worry we will be leaving"

“Steph...I" I’m interrupted by the tiny little human I was so happy to see, sounding his lungs at top volume.