Fifty One Days

Chapter 47 'In limbo'

Chapter 47. I can’t believe I’ve actually done 47 chapters. Crazy. Anyways double update tonight Because I can’t sleep but it’s only a little one. Enjoy guys. ❤📖

“You did what?”. I’m so angry, I can’t even see straight.

“I told him that I was in love with you".

“Why? Why the fuck would you do that?”.

“Because its true" He laughs.

“You’re laughing. Seriously? You’re fucking laughing".

“Calm down Ali”.

“Calm down. Ah sorry, I hadn’t thought about that. Yeah I’ll just calm down, calm down on the fact that you told my future husband that you loved me and now he’s left me thinking I do too, especially because you answered my phone”.

“He doesn’t think anything”.  He moves closer to me.

“Fuck off Milo. Literally fuck off. Fuck off out of my life. I’ve entertained this too much already”. I pull my coat from the chair and grab Milo's jeans off the floor. “Where are your keys".

“Your not taking my car. Not to London”.

“I need to find Jay. I will not let you ruin this for me".

“I haven’t ruined anything Ali. You have to admit it, you have feelings for me".

“Are you crazy? Like, are you actually insane? I hate you Milo. You ruin everything".

“Don’t say something you’ll regret Ali. You know you still love me".

“No Milo, I don’t. I was happy in London. Why the fuck I decided to come back here I have no clue".

“You came back because deep down, you know you wanted to see me”.

“I need to get out of here. I cant do this".


I pull my arms through my coat, shove my phone in the pocket and grab my bag from the floor. Milo stands in front of me blocking my exit.

“Move".

“No, not until you admit it. Admit that you love me".

“No".

“Ali". He moves closer to me and this time I don’t stop him.

“Tell me Ali". His voice is low.

“No". Mine is no more than a whisper.

“Ali please” He pulls me into his arms, he lifts my chin so my face in pointing towards his. His hands move to my hair and he swoops down, his lips inches from mine.

“No" I’m not even sure the words actually come out this time.

We’re so close together yet I feel like the space is still too far away. Our eyes locked onto each other. Stormy grey meets emerald green. Our lips touch, the small bit of contact makes my whole body ignite. My lips part and he takes this as consent to move forward. His lips crush to mine and my arms, that were at my side, wrap round his neck.

His hands travel through my hair, down my back and land at my waist. He pulls me to his body. I can't think, my head is clouded. This is wrong. This shouldn’t happen but I cant stop it.

The electricity coursing through my body is too much to handle, yet I can’t get enough. He’s like a drug. The power of his kiss overwhelms me. It takes control of my whole body and I’m powerless to stop it. But I have too. I can’t do this. I cant do this to Jay.

Whatever is happening between Jay and I right now, doing this doesn’t help anything.

Our lips have moulded together. His tongue takes mine. His grip on my waist tightens, he pulls away slightly and we’re both left breathless.

“Say it Ali". He whispers to me again.

Before I have a chance to say anything, I hear the faint beep of the key being slide into the door. Jay! Or maybe the hotel staff from us shouting at each other, well me shouting at him.

I push Milo away from me. He doesn’t understand. His face twists in confusion until....

“You’re still here? Both of you?” Jay’s voice doesn’t come as a surprise to me but Milo whirls round to face him.

“Hey". Milo speaks directly to Jay but Jay’s eyes are firmly set on me. I can’t look at him. I feel horrendous. This never should have happened. I see that now looking at Jay’s face. Both sets of eyes are on me. They both want answers and I can only give one of them the answer they want to hear. I’ll lose one either way.

I don’t know how to feel. I love Jay but part of me longs for Milo. Part of me wants to get married to Jay and part of me wants to return to Pembrokeshire with Milo.

I cant do this.

“I cant do this”. I push past Milo and shove my shoes on. I push past Jay and leave the room. Outside the hotel, the rain slashes down hitting me hard in the face. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing. I don’t know why I’m running from Jay, he’s done nothing wrong.

I hear footsteps slapping the ground behind me. It sounds weird but I know its Jay.

“I think we need to talk Ali". He shouts through the rain. I turn to him, his white shirt soaked through. I nod and we walk to his car.

Jay is straight to the point. That’s the difference between him and Milo. Jay doesn’t mess round. He says what he wants to say, Milo just plays games.

“What’s going on babe?”.

“I don’t know”.

“Do you still love me?”.

“Yes of course. Jay, that will never change”.

“Do you still want to marry me?”.

“Yes I do. Again, that will never change".

“Then what are you doing Ali? He answers your phone and now I find you in a hotel room together. What’s going on Ali?”.

“Nothing is going on, I just want to forget all this".

“I’m sorry sweetheart but we can't forget it. I thought you had whatever this was under control. Now, I knew something was going on between you when we got here but I need to know exactly what happened Ali or we can't start to move on".

“Its nothing Jay, honestly it’s over with. Whatever it was. It’s done with”.

“Ali please tell me". He takes my hand and intertwines his fingers into mine.

“Its nothing Jay I promise” I cant bring myself to tell him.

“Do you want to be with him?”.

“No".

“Do you love him?”.

“No".

“Have you ever loved him?”.

I take a long time to answer this. “I don’t know".

“I can’t do this Ali, I love you. I love you so much but you’re lying to me. You never open up to me. I don’t know about your family, you didn’t tell me why you left here, you don’t tell me anything, I’m sorry Ali but you push me away too much and I can't marry someone who doesn’t trust me".

“I do. I do trust you. It’s just stuff you don’t need to know. It's in the past. Please don’t leave me Jay".

“I have to".

“No, no you don’t. You don’t have to do this. Please Jay. Please don’t leave me".

“Ali, you need to deal with whatever shit, you have going on here”.

“Its dealt with. Please Jay, you don’t have to do this. Let’s just go back home and get married there. We never have to come here or think of it again".

“It doesn’t work like that Ali, I can't marry you like this. I’ve got some of your stuff in the boot and....”.

“No Jay. Please. You can’t do this. I’m begging you". The tears spill over my eyes, down my cheeks. I’m surprised I have any left. I look at Jay. I need to get him to change his mind. I need to beg him, plead with him, anything to get him to stay.

I pull his face towards mine. I crush my lips on his, he doesn’t resist. He kisses me back just like he always does. With the same passion as he always does. He pulls away to quickly.

“Ali”. He sighs, almost in defeat. Our foreheads pressed together. “Deal with what you need to here, do whatever is it you need to do and come back to me".

“You still want me?”.

“I’ll always want you. I love you".

“I love you too".

“Do what you need to do girl, I don’t want to know and I don’t care as long as you come back to me".


I stand in the pouring rain, the bitter cold seeping through to my skin, I watch as the love of my life drives away from me. He drove away from me because I’m an idiot. He drove away and I let him.

I let him, for what reason? To be with Milo? I don’t want to be with Milo. I want Jay.

Thankfully I avoid Milo when I ring a taxi inside the reception. It took me a few attempts to get a taxi driver to actually come considering how far I want to go. Eventually, someone came to pick me up and I left the hotel with what felt like the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.

When I arrive back in Pembrokeshire at the house, I’m happy to find it was empty. I arrive back home around 10.30am. I’m assuming everyone’s either at work or out, lucky for me. I can’t deal with seeing anyone right now.

The taxi driver gave me a very strange look when I pilled all my stuff in that Jay gave me. He didn’t want to leave me with no way back but I told him to go. It would have been harder if he’d stayed with me while I waited for the taxi. Milo's car was still parked in the car park when I pulled away in the taxi.

I jump into the shower as soon as I get home, the hot water cascades over my body. I have no more tears left to cry, my body convulses as the dry sobs come over and over.  My whole body hurts.

Jay isn’t lost to me forever. I won't let him be. I need to decide what the hell I’m doing. I want to carry on planning my wedding but it seems so far away now.

I get out the shower and pull a towel round me and another one round my hair. I get into bed and pull the covers over me. I’m exhausted. A knock at the door sounds....every time a knock on a door I’m behind comes, it never seems to end well for me. I ignore it, pull the covers over my head and fall into a broken sleep.


I dream that I’m running through a woods, someone is chasing me, no, two people are chasing me. I look down, I’m in a white wedding dress stained from the ground below me. I trip and fall, as I’m laying on the ground, two figures tower over me, one is surrounded by crystal blue, the other emerald green. One plunges a knife into my body and the other picks me up and carries me away, the problem is, which one did what?

I wake with a start, that dream has really unsettled me. I wake up sweating but my room feels cold, I’m getting ill I know it. Urgh. I pull myself from under the covers, my hair falls out of the towel.

I get dressed, I only have bloody dresses in my cupboard left, my last clean pair of jeans are in the wash after Loweri was sick all over me. I pull the wine red dress over my head and down my body, I leave my feet bare and head downstairs.

As I reach the kitchen, I make myself a cup of tea and sit down at the breakfast bar. Steph bounds into the kitchen.

“Hey I was going to ring you”. I start...

“Stop, you have a lot of explaining to do misses and I think there's some things I know that you need to know".