Fifty One Days

Chapter 59 'Pretending'

Chapter 59 Guys! Again, sorry it's taken so long guys but its here and chapter 60 in on the way too. Thank you everyone who has been so patient and still reading and supporting me. Love you all ❤📖

“It’s been two weeks Milo. Two weeks, she hasn’t showered, barely ate. I know she hasn’t slept. She’s hardly looked at Oli. I’m starting to get really worried. Look I know you’ve tried to give her space but it’s time now. She needs you. I’ve tried everything to get her to eat”. Steph barks at me.

Two whole weeks since Jay passed away and I’m a broken man. I couldn’t go to Ali's, I’ve been hiding like a weirdo at my house with Loweri and Oliver. She’s barely spoken to anyone. Barely looked at our son. I know I need to go there but I just can’t bring myself to see her.

Do you know what’s worse than losing someone you love? Watching someone you love, lose the person they love.

The funeral is later today and I need to get her at least showered. I need to think of how I’m going to handle this. Should I go up alone? Should Steph and I go together? Should I take Oliver up? I think I’d better do this alone.

I climb the stairs, an overwhelming guilt comes over me once I reach the top.

Silence.

I hover outside the door, I want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay. I want to kiss her and just look after her. I’m sick of saying I want. I need to think about what she needs.

I make a small knock on the door before pushing it open.

The room is pitch black, at first I don’t even think Ali is even here. Its completely silent and then...

“Go away Steph, I love you but I don’t want anymore food". A muffled voice comes from somewhere in the room. It smells very strongly of Jay’s aftershave. I suspect she’s been spraying it constantly. I can't say I’m not glad, she hasn’t showered for two weeks, I’m glad it doesn’t smell of anything else in here. Fuck, what is wrong with me?

I make my way into the room and slide onto the bed. She groans at the weight of me catching her foot.

“It’s Milo, not Steph”. She stays silent and still. “Al, you’ve got to get up. I can help you but you have to let me. We have to get ready now sweetheart”. I try my best to come across caring and not creepy. “Ali?”.

I reach my hand under the duvet and feel for her hand. I don’t want to feel round too much, I nearly give up before she grasps hold of my arm and pulls me under the duvet with her. I don't resist. I know this is so wrong, her Husband died in this very spot two weeks ago. Although Steph made Ali change the mattress.

I lay side by side with her for what I think is the best part of an hour, it’s only two hours till the service but I don’t want to rush her. We just lay there breathing in sync. I try a different tactic. I push the blanket off us, she pulls her knees up to meet her body, a small beam of light coming through the curtain makes it so I can just about make her out. She has one of Jay’s shirts on.

“Baby steps okay?”. I say quietly, pulling myself off the bed and holding my hand out to her. She takes my outstretched hand after a few minutes and I lightly pull her off the bed and she lets me lead her into the bathroom.

I switch on the light and she squints and scrunches her face up as the light hits her. Now I can see her properly, I try not to react to her appearance.

Her lovely, glossy hair, now hangs limp down her back, her eyes swollen and red raw, even through Jay’s shirt, I can see how much weight she’s lost.