first we feel (and then we fall)

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Peter sighed as he thrust another wrist out, barely noticing the silk-stream web that latched onto yet another solid surface. He bit his lip and squinted forward as a heavy sigh slipped out of his dried lips as he backflipped onto a window pane at Avengers Tower and launched himself inside his room. 

Within seconds he whipped his mask off his sweat-glistened face and sighed softly. He was tired of feeling like a disappointment. Spiderman was supposed to save people, and make Peter a better version of himself. Yet Peter had never felt more of a failure now than ever in his entire life. 

The Stark sucked in a jagged breath as he let himself sink into the velvet plush of his mini-sofa as his brown eyes fluttered closed. As tired as the boy was, he couldn’t bring himself to peacefully slip into the darkness that seemed overly beckoning. Not when he couldn’t get the unforgettable sight of the woman he failed to save. Peter thickly swallowed the creeping nausea as the image that was etched into his mind played yet again: the young body sprawled on rocky concrete, scarlet-colored liquid oozing out of her throat. 

He slowly stood up and clawed his sweat-plastered suit off his body and slipped on something far more comfortable: a pair of oversized sweatpants, and one of his Dad’s old worn MIT sweatshirts. His Dad’s sweatshirts always made him feel slightly better about whatever was worrying him. The sweatshirt was worn, making it warmer and softer to his sensitive skin, and being warm helped Peter find something to lean into. The sweatshirt had a distinct smell to it, a smell that Peter didn’t know how to describe, but it was a smell that his father had, and thinking of his father always made Peter a-okay. They’d help him relax and sometimes, even fall asleep. But no matter how hard he tried, Peter couldn’t get himself to sleep. 

The next thing Peter knew, he tasted bile and threw his head into the toilet as a retching sound filled the room, mixed with heavy pants emitting from the boy, As quickly as the urge came over him, he heard the sound of knocking. The teenager didn’t dare bother to reply, knowing that the knocker would just walk in, which is exactly what the person did. 

His father wore a comforting smile as the man quickly moved to Peter’s side, “Hey bud, you’re okay. Let it out, Dad’s here.” The genius, billionaire, ex-playboy, and philanthropist rubbed soft circles on his son’s quivering back as he whispered soft reassurances into Peter’s ears. 

Once the retching had stopped, Peter leaned back against a cold-tiled wall and asked weakly, “Dad, how did you know I was in here?” Up until this point, he thought that his father was asleep, hence why he didn’t go to him in the first place. 

Tony’s lip curled fondly as he wiped the sick off Peter’s chin, “Well, my IronDad senses were tingling.” Once Tony threw away the toilet paper, he gingerly lifted his son up and back to the boy’s bed. He gently set the two of them onto Peter’s maroon covers, and held his son against his chest. The man asked, “FRIDAY said that you were sad. No one makes my kiddo sad. What’s wrong?”

Peter gratefully accepted his father’s affection and replied to the inquiry, “I was on patrol and there was a robbery. And there were hostages, about twelve of them.” He paused to swallow, Adam’s Apple bouncing against his throat. He resumed, “I was able to get eleven of them out.” Tears started to leak out of the corner of Peter’s eyes, “And before I could get to save the last one, the robber shot and killed her.”

By then, Peter was sobbing. He threw his arms around Tony’s neck and buried his face there. He spoke through hiccups as Tony raked his fingers through locks of chestnut-colored hair, “I couldn’t even get to her, I turned around and the man had the gun to her forehead. He just laughed as he shot her. How could he just do that?” Peter turned his head to the side and blew his nose on the neckline of his sweatshirt. He whimpered quietly, “It’s not fair. Spiderman is supposed to save people, and I couldn’t even save a woman from a robber. It’s pathetic.”

Tony sighed as he moved his thumbs to wipe the cascading tears off Peter’s cheeks. He cupped his son’s weary head, “Oh, Peter. I’m so sorry. You tried bud, and I know you did your hardest. You saved eleven people Petey, and now they’re home safe, all because of you.” He stretched out his pronunciation of the word eleven, “You can’t save everyone, Peter, you just can’t. Sometimes, it’s just the kin, viability of it, and saviors must settle. I know it sucks, but you can’t save everyone. It’s just a normalcy. Can the police save everyone in time? Do the firefighters always get to the emergency on time? Can the Avengers save everyone? No, Peter.”

Peter whimpered and it felt like a blow to Tony’s heart, “It’s not fair. Maybe if I was faster or something she’d still be okay.” 

Tony knowingly nodded, “You’re right bud, it’s not fair. But Peter, you can’t think like that. You did your best kiddo, you really, really did, and that’s all you can really do.” 

Peter sighed as he placed his head on his Dad’s shoulder, and curled himself against it. He wearily asked, “Has it happened to you?” Both Starks knew the obvious answer, but the hurting hero just needed to hear it. 

Tony nodded sadly, “More times than I can count. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because of it, all I can do is feel, and then fall. But it’s going to get better, I promise you okay?” 

Peter nodded with a yawn, “Okay. The next time you feel like that, you can sleep with me. Like I do with you when I can’t sleep. Deal?” 

Tony lightly chuckled, “Deal, I really do have the best boy ever.”

At that, Peter blushed as a faint smile tugged on his lips, followed by another yawn. 

Tony chuckled once again as he pressed a kiss on the top of Peter’s head, “There’s that smile! Let’s get some shut eye, yeah? You’re with me. Nothing’s going to hurt you. Promise.” He pressed a firm kiss to the top of Peter’s head as he slid the two of them under the covers, “I love you so much, kiddo.” Tony waited for a reply from Peter and his smile widened as he saw Peter curled against his arms, sound asleep. 





A/N: hey cadets! (The name mj_haddock created for this fandom, of my readers.) This was a lil something I wrote in class during a free period.

So two things, one, I've noticed that my votes have been going down, not that I really care, but it would be really nice if y'all could go back and vote on the previous chapters. It just motivates more seeing that you guys really enjoy my work.

Two, how are you guys?

QOTD: favorite oneshot from this book? Or favorite trope I've written, meaning what type of concept in the oneshot? Bullied, singing, etc.

Don't forget to comment if you liked this, yknow the usual.

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