What ifs
"Kate, nagpapasalamat ako na naging kaibigan ko ang isang katulad mo. Pero hindi na ako magpapaligoy ligoy pa. Mahirap maghanap ng babaeng katulad mo, at Kate, sobrang thankful ko na nakilala kita. Gusto ko lang sabihin na matagal na kita gusto. Itatanong ko lang sana. Mayroon pa ba akong chance para sayo? Kahit katiting lang?"
"Sorry, Kael, pero pwede bang itigil mo na to?"
"Ah. Ganun ba? Sorry.."
There are things that just wouldn't go as planned. All will fail when you misunderstood one small but very vital detail.
Yan ang pinapaniwalaan ko.
Bakit?
Kasi nangyari sakin yan.
I planned my way through our love, but after misunderstanding one small detail along that way, all was destroyed.
She was meaning to say to wait. She wanted me to wait for her.
I did not expect it to end like that, I could have still had Kate until now if not for that misunderstanding.
My love which was like a lovely fantasy.
We were happy, but we were not officially dating.
Tatanungin ko na siya kung pwede ko siya maging girlfriend. But she refused.
That was the turning point of our lovestory.
I asked if I still have a chance to be with her. She said she needs this to stop, that she was not used to this feeling, that she was not ready yet.
I took it as a no, and that was our misunderstanding.
I didn't think of it as a sudden and unplanned answer. Na baka napressure lang siya kaya niya nasabi iyon. Maybe I put quite a heavy burden on her shoulders, and I failed to help her carry it. Maybe I was the one who wrote the script she said and I was the one to misunderstood it.
Hindi nagtagal at may iba na akong niligawan, but for some reasons, I feel like it was wrong.
I keep on longing for Kate, but now that I have destroyed her expectations, there was no going back.
Naging kami ng niligawan ko, pero hindi nagtagal, nagkahiwalay din kami. Hindi ko na naisip kung saan nagkamali ang relasyon na iyon, masyado akong nakafocus kay Kate na hindi ko na namalayan na hiwalay na pala kami ng naging girlfriend ko.
Sobrang daming pagsisisi ang pumasok sa isip ko.
I regretted not asking Kate again. I regretted not understanding her words that day.
What if I cleared what she said that day? Siguro hindi ko sya na-misunderstood.
What if I did not misunderstood her? Sana hanggang ngayon may chance parin ako sakanya.
What if I did not look for another's comfort? Siguro, si Kate parin ang kasama ko ngayon.
What if I just waited for her instead of searching for someone else's love? Edi sana kami na ngayon.
All because of a misunderstanding. I could not accept the fact that I fucked our lovestory up, real bad. I do not feel sorry for myself for not taking it seriously. I feel sorry for her for believing I would wait for her until she was ready.
I feel sorry that I could not be there the time she would say she's ready to love.
Just think about it? What if..?
