Half
Do you believe in three seconds of love?
For other people, it takes them months and years to love someone, but it took me three seconds to fall in love.
I didn't know who she was nor what she looked like, all I know is the common knowledge that she had to face all humiliation from her cheating boyfriend she loved so much the night of christmas eve.
All there is to her now is that she's a depressed suicidal.
After a long search, I finally knew her name. Bianca Aguirre.
One day, while sitting on a bench no one seems to go near with, she walked in front of me.
It was just three second of eye contact, and there I knew, "Ah, so this is love."
I tried getting close to her. But every single time, I feel like I've been cut off from her as if there's a huge and thick wall between us.
After a year, we became friends. Though, it looked like I'm just a bother to her.
Now, it's my third year of being a leech that is stuck somewhere near her. But until now, I still feel like she's been longing for her ex boyfriend. It's been three years and she's still stuck in that night.
One night, she came banging on my door, drunk. I opened the door, only for her head to fall onto my chest, "Danielle, can I stay here for now? It just hurts so much, I see him everywhere."
I let her in and let her sat on the sofa.
With no words between us, we stared at each other until she lets her eyes close. I caught her falling head and let it rest on my shoulders.
While she sleeps, I talk, because it's in these moments I could finally talk to her without hurting her or hurting myself.
"You still see him?" I asked as I brush my hand against her forehead. "You still love him?"
"I know all about it. The man you have spent most of your days with. I could never win against him."
I held her head close to my heart, "Why can't you just forget him? Until the heartbreak from him is healed, I'll treat you twice better. As long as I'm here, I will try to make you happy, so you can stop hurting."
I caressed her head as she moved it closer to me, "I wouldn't care if I feel his presence too, as long as you're by my side. Now, you just need to be happy. You deserve to be happy. "
I carried her and laid her down in my bed, for her body to finally feel rested, "For one day.. no, just an hour.. or at least just a minute, can't you please fill your heart with me."
Then I held on to her hands, "It's ok if it's just half. I won't ask for more than just half. It's ok if you just love me half of how much you loved him. You don't need to be sorry about it. Just love me."
"...The person that is still visible in your eyes, I'll pretend that I don't notice his presence. As long as you just come to me."
She tears up while sleeping again. I can imagine who she's dreaming of. Sitting beside her, I said, "Now, you can just love me alone. Please, don't cry anymore."
I brushed my fingers to her cheeks to wipe her tears, "I know that it's not your fault. I don't care if it takes years for you to heal. Until the time that I only see my reflection in your eyes. I'll wait for you no matter what. So for now, it's fine even if you think about him from time to time."
The day after, I woke up by the sensation of something warm.
I opened my eyes and she greeted me goodmorning while holding my hands, "Why are you sleeping on the floor?"
"It's bad etiquette to sleep by a lady's side without her permission." I said.
"Our Danielle has been growing very well. You now know what bad etiquette is."
I stood up, "You want a soup? Or coffee?"
"I'd like to have coffee."
I went to the kitchen and took two cups. I grinded coffee beans and heated some water, "How would you like you coffe be done?"
"Anything you think would taste lovely."
By that, I put two scoops of coffee on the filter and poured warm water gently.
I served it to her as she sits down upright on the bed.
"Hmm."
"Are you ok now?" I asked.
"I've been better."
"You were drunk last night. How much did you drink?"
"Just a little."
While I was taking a sip, she spoke, "Aren't you going to ask me about any answers to your questions last night?"
The shock from what she said almost made me splurt my drink.
She went towards me and hugged me, "I'm sorry you felt like that all this time. I guess I was too busy trying to console myself that I didn't see you caring for me."
"It's fine really." I uttered.
"Then why can't you say it to me when I'm conscious? You can always say it in front of me. But you always consider my mental being, right? That's why you can only talk to me like that when I'm fast asleep or drunk."
My head couldn't get any lower than this, I can't look at her in the eyes.
"You can say it now. Look straight at me and tell me. I'll do my best to accept it."
I hesistated but I slowly lifted my head, "In your gently closed eyes, I know he still appears. In your violently crushed heart, I know he still lives. In your coldly abandoned mind, I know he still resides. How can I ask you, while sober, for love if I'm aware of all of those things?"
"You can always try, just like how you did it now."
"Then maybe I'll take my chances and all the risks surrounding it." I answered.
She let out a big sigh. "I never knew having to hear those words from a different man can be this comforting yet painful. I guess love is never just about happiness and fairytales. I'll try my best. I'll move on. Until the time I can only think of you. Until the time I can only see you. Until the time I can only love you."
I slowly moved my hands to her waists and hugged her tightly, "Isn't that why I told you I can wait, I'll wait for you no matter what."
--Inspired in the song "Half" by Jin Minho--
