Used to.
Same age. Same birthdays. Same neighbourhood. Same street. Same friends. Same everything since childhood.
I was always with her. We shared the same interests, same hobbies, same routines, almost everything.
I named her pretty and she named me handsome. We were too close, not one person can separate us. We were each other's best buddies.
She excels in sports and I, in academics. She seeks tutors and I, trainings.
We met in a very fixed way, both our parents knew and befriended each other.
Ah right, we're also as cheesy as our parents.
Or maybe just me.
"Are you busy today?" she would ask me on chatroom. Then I'd answer, "Not really, I'm pretty much free the whole day."
It's take long 'til she replies but would only ask, "Then are you mine today?"
A message that would literally shoots hearts from my phone screen. I'd let her wait for my reply. When I feel like she'll lose interest, I'd answer. "I'm everyday yours, silly." and we'd both feel chills, never knew if it's cringe or infatuation.
Even after those kind of conversations, we still hang casually. Both of us have bikes, but prefer riding together on one. We'd alternate the usage of the bikes so that both would be used equally.
Oh, and yes, we went to school together, and went home together. There are times when we had to leave our bikes at home or at school because of the weather, but I secretly prefer that cuz we'd be seating beside each other at the back of a bus, sharing stories and silly stuff. Both of us would take out some things from our bags and brag about them.
She'd show me her comics and I'd show her my math books. Always funny how she'd tell me to stop talking about academics when we're not at school. I can't really blame myself, other than showing her my interest, I enjoy teasing her.
We also share the same sleep cycle, why? It's impossible for a night to pass by without one ransacking the other's chatroom notifications.
She'd rain on my inbox with her randoms then she'd call me late at night, we'd talk 'til dawn. Didn't matter to us if it'd take 20 to almost 220 minutes, actually we never really realise how long a call lasted until we hang up on each other. No goodnights until one completely falls asleep.
By the end of our middle school, approached our 16th birthdays. We gifted each other some of our favorites. She gave me her guitar that has been hers since grade school and I gave her my favorite book that was given to me by my mother. Her guitar shows its legacy through scratches, small and big. My thick book, rarely taken care of since I finished reading, tells its journey through bruises and smudges.
She promised to read my book happily and I promised to learn and play her guitar skillfully. She gave me an advise to learn faster, also looked at my hands, saying "you have very manly hands despite living so softly", and I gave her an advise on how to enjoy the book to the fullest, "reading with your imagination running gives it extra color to it."
I told her to enjoy the book while listening to her favorite music for it would give a bright and cheerful vibe while reading. I was told to listen to guitar pieces to be familiar with its notes, and to pick it up faster. She also recommended one particular music. Ah, also my hands, particularly my fingertips are already hard and numb, so they won't hurt or bleed as frequent, she said. We exchanged informations about those items until nightfall.
Then on our highschool, never passed a month without people asking about our relationship. It was never an issue to me, so it never bothered me. Maybe it's because I grew very fond of her or maybe we lived too long together that it now feels natural to think of it as normal, or maybe it's because I have heard too much about us that now I really think that there is an "Us". At that time, I was not aware of how it actually bothered her.
She started distancing herself from me. She rides her bike alone. She goes home alone. She barricaded herself with more friends and left me no choice but to play along.
Friendships like ours are fairytales, they are too good to be true. Yes, it was all good.. It was, until our story of pure innocence turned to pure awkwardness.
I did not want where this was going, so I mustered up my courage and walked to her. I asked her to come out of their house and talk to me in front of the yard. "There's something I want to say to you." I said vaguely. In which she nodded.
"All this time, I have been asking myself what this feeling is... And I only figured it out recently."
Her eyes shaky, looks like she's not ready to hear me out. I ignored her nervous reaction and continued on, "I.. I like you, Acee."
Her feet stumbled and her eyes twitched, nervously shaking. It was obvious, the answer to my confession wasn't with her at that time. She stuttered but still tried her best to respond, "Ahh.. D-dylan, I-.. ahh" then she started hiccuping. Out of embarrassment, she covered her mouth and run to their house.
We fell into a deeper and darker zone of awkwardness. She felt embarrassed and I felt disappointed. We were both hesitant to take the next step.
Awkward stage pulled through and it continued to no end.
After we entered college, we attended different classes. We hang out with different people. And went home separately. It's either I go first or I go home late. All for her peace of mind.
We were as good as strangers. I could not lay my eyes on her nor can I walk on the same direction as hers. I could not even try to pass her by.
After years of avoidance, we've reached our last year of college. Never did we try to talk to each other, neither did we stayed at the same spot together. It was a very long and lonely college life.
Then one day I got to a bus, in which to my surprise carries her too, she was quietly sitting at the right side of an empty bus. It was a brief reaction of surprise, but I proceeded to the seat at the opposite side, same row as hers. I rested my guitar on the seat beside me. I put my headphones on and played music at max volume.
Bashfully, I secretly tried to have a glimpse of her. There she was, sitting quietly, reading a thick book which cover page I couldn't see. I didn't know what the book was but it was familiar. She looked so beautiful reading a book with so much focus. From that bus stop to my destination, my eyes was fixed on just one view, a silently reading Acee.
....
While listening to my favorite music (guitar solo), I instinctively took out my book and continued to where I stopped a while ago.
The bus stopped at a checkpoint and a familiar someone got in then stood, obviously surprised, in front of me. We briefly stared at each other, then casually, we both looked away.
He sat on the opposite side of the bus and wore his headphones. Rested his arm on the window pane, landed his chin on his hand, and quietly stared outside the bus.
His ears might be numb from the noise of his headphones, noise that I can clearly hear from my seat, I can tell what music was playing. I almost cracked into laughter. I took off my earphones and paused my songs. Coincidences like running into each other are common, but listening to the same music at the same time is rather rare.
I see he's too focused to even bother greeting me.
I couldn't focus anymore. I couldn't continue reading, but I also couldn't close the book. From there on until my stop, my eyes' only interest wasn't the book anymore, but him, my nonchalant Dylan.
