Here's to my simply beautiful you
All my life, I've never been so deeply in love with a girl that is very conscious about her looks.
Ryze is not that beautiful, neither was she ugly. She is actually undeniably adorable. She has short hair and a round cute face. She is slightly taller than the average girl's height and she is skinny, or should I say fit?
It is not a burden loving a self-conscious girl. In fact, she makes me want to protect her even more. But it might be a burden for her to love a guy like me, who could not even smile right, I couldn't because of my status in school.
Just like any other day, we are just hanging out in the park of a mall today, and she begins to compare herself with people who would pass by.
"Why are you looking around? Are you searching for someone?" I asked, though I already know what exactly she is doing.
"Nothing, something just caught my eyes."
She does not have any enemy in particular, she just keeps on judging her looks. I do not really like her doing it, but I decided to accept that part of her.
"If you want to go shopping, I will go with you. I do not mind shopping with my girlfriend." I suggested. She looked at me, shocked.
As if she did not expect me to say, her face was bombed with my sentence. "What do you mean girlfriend?" she asked.
Unfortunately, she does not want our relationship to be made public, she's too conscious about what others would say.
"Why is he dating her?" or "They do not compliment one another." are basic sentences she would expect from people, though no one has ever really said it.
I took her by the hand and walked her to the department store. We looked around and tried some clothes.
I asked her to try on a dress, but she could only wear it in the fitting room and would not go out at all.
"Xian, this doesn't suit me at all. I'll take it off." she whispered in between the door gaps. I reply with encouragement "At least show me how you look. I won't judge."
In the end, we did not buy anything for her, but she insisted on buying me a polo saying it suits me. I could not accept that, that is why I already bought her a dress in advance.
I suggested going to a restaurant, which she agreed on going right away. Any food selling place is actually her comfort zone. Eating is her stress reliever. It is always amazing how she could digest all the food and not gain any weight at all.
After eating, we talked about various things, but little by little, it worries me. All the time we talk like this, it always ends up being about how ugly or lacking she is..
This time we are having pork belly with a bit of beer. Both of us are light headed, so one bottle would suffice, but she always go beyond her limit, which makes her very drunk.
"So what if I'm ugly, right?" she asked "If I have a handsome boyfriend like you." pointing her right index finger at me.
She would always say that whenever she's drunk. I am already used to it, but it keeps on giving me butterflies whenever she says that.
"But you know what?" she suddenly asked. "I think we are not meant for each other."
"I think, you deserve a better girl. One that is more beautiful than me." She continued.
She might not be comfortable being in a relationship with me, being a model student myself, but for me, she is the missing piece.
"Just think about it. You are that kind of guy that would win a fight of handsomeness against the most handsome actors. Your body is better than that of a security, and your personality is cleaner than a soap." She uttered with her shaky voice.
"As for me, I am just a rock in a rocky road." then her smiling mouth flipped.
I took a glass of beer and answered, "You know what? Even if you are a rock like what you said you are, why do you think I picked that particular rock and kept it?" I said "I did not pick it because it was just ugly or pretty, I picked it because I felt like it was somehow special to me, that's all it is to it."
"You are saying you didn't pick me because I am pretty, though. Meaning, I really am ugly." she cried.
I patted her back and wiped her tears. I sighed and said "Come on now, you are beautiful, you should know that." I uttered.
"Sometimes, when taking a bath, I just can't help but to stare at my shoulders and say to myself 'Woah, I still have some white skin on me' but then I would think 'I am black all in all anyway, so why fight the current?' I'll just have to accept that." she said, then she looked at me.
Actually, her skin is fairly white, but I could not argue with her right now.
"There are times I look at other girls and keep on being jealous of their beauty. Like, how is it that they are that beautiful, and I'm not?" she chuckled, trying to fight her tears. "And do you know... the feeling when I see ladies walking, looking all perfect wearing dresses I wanted to try on, but when I try them on, they would look ugly on me. I really am ugly, aren't I"
I had enough of her self-judgement, I could no longer grind my teeth like this while listening to her nonsense. "Look. Here's a dress I personally bought for you. If you think it does not suit you, then continue thinking like that. But at least, let me see how you look. If it does look ugly, we'll buy another one, but if it turns out perfect for you, I'll respond differently, ok?"
She tried to stop her cries for a while and went to the department store's fitting room.
While in the fitting room, she asked "What do you mean by 'respond differently'?" I did not answer that, and just let her finish dressing up.
It took a bit of time for her to put it on, or maybe she just does not want to show it. "Ryze? Are you done? Uhhhm. Ok, my bad. If you don't want me to see, then take it off, we'll just go shopping another time." I said, locking my opinions inside and prioritizing her feelings instead.
"N-no, it's fine. I-I'll go out n-now." she whispered, stuttering.
The tipsy Ryze, while wearing the dress I picked, walked out of the fitting room. It was a scenery I felt like would not be seen again. It made me drop my jaws. I was blank, lost in my thoughts.
Without a second to think, I stepped forward, towards her and into the cubicle with her.
I closed the door while looking at her eyes. I put my left hand at the mirror and my right at her cheek. I slowly moved my head to hers, and tilted it for my lips to touch hers.
We kissed in the fitting room.
After that, I looked into her eyes once again, and smiled genuinely. I never knew I could smile like this.
"Didn't I say you look beautiful in it?" I uttered, while smiling.
"You did not say 'beautiful' in particular. But-.."
"Then.." I said, cutting her sentence. "You're beautiful."
I held her hand and said, "This simple Ryze that I already know you are, you should really be proud of her. She is simply beautiful without even trying."
I took her out of the cubicle and went outside of the fitting room.
She was still wearing the dress I gave her. We run across and all over the mall, "Didn't I tell you, you're beautiful, Ryze. And I am proud for loving a simply beautiful you."
