A Shell In The Sand

Chapter 19-

Freya-

I walk down the stairs in my mums house expecting her to be home at any minute from work and since it's the thirteenth of January i have exactly five days until the exhibition at the school so i decided to take the day off and come see my mum, i must admit my only reason for being here isn't just to see her but to dig up something from my past. I head into the kitchen and put on the kettle to make us both some tea. That's one thing that never changed after dad died, i think in a way it was how we coped with things. Now every time i come over or we have a talk we both have a cup of tea even if it's over the phone. I wipe the counter making sure it's clean and wipe my hands on my black jeans. I look over at the sink and see Unclean dishes piling up like they used to after dad died so automatically without thinking i roll up my sleeves on my pink jumper and start getting them done, i even put on a load of washing and put her clothes away. I know it isn't her fault and i know she still struggles with the loss of dad but sometimes i wish she would push forward so that her house doesn't look like a pig sty. I mean no wonder she didn't want me coming to the house two days ago... I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, i'm really not but i worry about her. She's my mom. I hear the keys in the front door unlock and the door bust open, i turn my head and see her walking in, her hair up in a ponytail with strands of hair that has fallen out. I look at her and can feel the worry in side of me, I've often considered moving home . At one point after dad died i spent most my days here and would travel back from Illinois and Chicago, it took a lot out of me but i didn't want her being alone. Half a year later her seeing me in such a bad place kind of gave her a kick up the back side and she went back to work and started looking after herself again but it just feels like she's been struggling all this time and putting on a smile pretending everything is fine when clearly it's not... Maybe i should have seen the signs sooner, if only i paid more attention i would have seen she was in a bad place.

"Freya" I hear her squeal in shock to see me stood at the basin

"Hi mom" I reply to her and finish off the last of the dishes.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me and i can see the horror on her face

"I wanted to drop by for a surprise visit and pick up a few things but i can see why you didn't want me coming" I answer her and look at the house which is a lot cleaner then when i first arrived.

"I've just been busy that's all" She claims to me but i know the truth, even when i was a child and she worked forty hours a week she still had time to clean up the house no matter how busy she got. I dry my hands on a towel and follow her out of the kitchen

"How long have you been living like this?" I ask her worried that she has been like this the whole time and only cleaning up on a Sunday when i come for my visits.

"No long" She shakes her head and rests her hand bag on the single black chair in the living room.

"How long?" I raise my voice to her letting her know i'm not playing any games with her.

"Ever since your father died i just lost track of a few things and ended up spending more time in bed then taking care of things" She reveals to me and i look at her with sorrow in my eyes

"It's okay to be sad mum, hell i have days when i don't want to do anything but eventually i remind myself that i can't give up"I share with her and sit on the edge of the sofa. "I would rather you come to me and say Freya, i need help rather than living like this. What good is it doing?"

"A child is meant to look up to their parent or mother and see this strong person who they want to be when they grow up, not weak" She tells me and walks towards the kitchen and i follow behind her