In Another Life

90

"T, wake the fuck up! It's 1 pm and your lazy ass is still in the bed!" I heard Denise yelling at me, but I just groaned and reached for my pillow to block her out. "No! You're not doing this anymore! You've got to stop this. It's not good for you. You've been doing nothing but going to work, and then coming home, going straight to your room to pout and wait for a call or text from Colby. You're barely eating, you've lost weight...I'm worried about you T. I miss you."  I sat up slowly, wiping the nasty crust from my eyes. They felt heavy and swollen from the tears that I had shed. I really had to get over this. It couldn't be good for my mental health. I knew what it was going into with Colby. I also told myself that I wouldn't do this...but I knew that I would. My heart controls me, it always has. I sat on the edge of the bed, and pushed my hand through my hair. "Sorry...I couldn't sleep last night," I croaked out, my voice rough from my dry throat. She shook her head at me. "I need to know what's going on with you two. When you're ready to tell me. Do we need to figure out how to go to LA so I can kick Colby's ass for making you cry or what? That's all I need to know right now." I laughed a little, and felt my heart swell at how much I loved this girl. Truly, finding her was one of the best things to ever happen in my life. I shook my head. "No. We've talked a couple of times, and he texts me every day. Just catching up I guess. You know how I am. I just miss him Necee." I looked up at her and bit my lip to keep. "I know it's illogical because I don't really know him, but I just felt like we really connected in Florida. Plus, I was already in love with him." She sat down next to me on the bed. "It's not illogical T. The heart wants what it wants and yours has always wanted Colby. The fact that you actually got the chance to be with him, had to only made that grow stronger. He seems like a really great guy." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "What is it?" I asked. She met my gaze, and I could see the worry and sadness in hers. "Okay...I was going to wait to say this. I was going to see how it would play out, but I know you. I know you're just going to keep falling even harder and it's going to hurt even worse when you finally accept the truth." I shook my head, looking away from her. "No," I replied. "Yes T. I'm sorry. You know this isn't going to work. You've known from the start. Both of you have. I don't really know why you're still hurting yourself  like this, keeping in touch, pretending like you're going to be together. Has he said anything to you about it?" I rolled my eyes at her, swinging around. "No, of course not. We're still...just talking. You can't bring all of that down on me right now Necee. It's not right!" I exclaimed. "Don't you think I know how fucked up this situation is? Not to mention, I don't even know if he would actually want to give us a chance, but what does it matter since he lives thousands of miles away from me? I know this is pointless. I have no chance of moving to LA, and God knows he wouldn't move to this worthless ass town. I'm just not ready to give it up yet, okay?" My voice had turned from slightly angry to begging at the end. She gave me a sympathetic look that I hated. "Yeah, okay. I'm sorry that I hit you with it like that. Especially when you first woke up. I just hate to see you hurting T. You're my best friend and I love you." I nodded, and leaned into her. "I know. I love you too. Let's go to the next town over and go to the mall or something. Walk around, get some ice cream. Just hang out, not think about any of that. Have a girl's day to finish up the night we had. No Sam and Colby allowed," I added, laughing a little. "Okay," she replied, smiling a little. "Sounds good. Sarah and Kenzie already left, cuz they had things to do, so it's just you and me bestie!" She slung her arms around me laughing. I laughed with her, feeling my spirits rise a little bit. Hopefully, this is exactly what I needed to ease myself back into the world of the living. I knew I was walking around like a zombie. Everyone had tried to talk to me at work, but I mainly ignored them, wallowing in my own self pity. It was sad, really. I was kind of disgusted with myself but I just couldn't seem to pull out of it. We hadn't made any plans to see each other again, we hadn't talked about what we were doing, what we meant to each other. We were just talking, being friends. He would make perverted comments sometimes, and tell me he missed me, but other than that, we just had normal conversations. He told me that he was really busy with the Sam and Colby channel, that they had something big in the works for their new series but he wouldn't tell me what it was about. Said he wanted it to be a surprise. He sounded happy and, for that, I would always be grateful. It was one of my favorite things. To hear or see him happy. I might've felt a little disappointed that he wasn't missing me as much as I missed him, but I didn't really expect him too. I was sure the thousands of LA girls were keeping him occupied, and I was just now a good friend. That thought made my chest ache. I sighed, and let Denise pull me to my feet. "Come on, get in the shower, and dress nice. No sweats today damn it." She pushed me towards my bathroom, and started walking out. "And take that damn hoodie off. It smells." I looked down at the mint koala hoodie that Colby had told me that I could keep. I had literally been wearing it since I got home from Florida, only taking it off to shower, and go to work.