In Another Life

171

I looked down at what I was wearing after I climbed out of the car. Still in joggers and hoodie. Great. My hair was unbrushed, and I still had the smeared makeup on from earlier that night. The biggest question was why did I care? I told myself that it had nothing to do with Colby and that it was because I didn't want anyone to see me like this. Yes, I usually didn't care what people thought about me, but moving to LA had made that a little different. I would usually at least put on makeup and make sure I wasn't looking like I had just woken up from the worst night sleep of my life. I remembered wiping tears from my face earlier so I knew that my makeup was smeared. I wiped my hands under my eyes to try and remove any racoon look that I might have going on and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten it out the best that I could. What was I thinking? I opened the door to the bar, and walked inside the dimly lit area. Thank goodness for that. I saw Colby sitting alone in a booth towards the back. His face lit up as he seen me, that smile that I loved so much spreading across and enveloping his entire face. The smile that I used to love, I corrected myself. Because I didn't currently love him. This was just to get him out of my system. The smell of stale alcohol should've turned my stomach but instead it was doing the opposite. I wanted a drink and I wanted one bad. This was a bad idea. I didn't return Colby's smile, but instead just slid into the seat opposite of him and avoided his eyes. If I met his eyes, I was done for and I knew it. I hadn't brought my purse, and I had just given the Uber driver the last few dollars that I had. That was probably a good thing. That meant that I couldn't order anything. "Hey," he breathed out, keeping his voice low. "Hey," I replied back, keeping my head down, looking at the table. I knew that I must seem crazy. I felt crazy. "T, are you okay?" he asked, his voice laced with concern. I nodded, still keeping my head down and biting my lip to keep the random tears at bay. I was definitely crazy. "Then why won't you look at me?" he asked, his deep voice still low. I released my lip and sighed, looking up to meet his gaze. Those ocean blue eyes that always made me weak in the knees, even through a screen. For a moment, I was stunned. I was sucked into his gaze, frozen and swimming in a hot pool of memories that were enveloping and rocking my very senses. His eyes narrowed as he stared back. "Sure you're okay?" I nodded again, and sucked in a much needed breath. "yeah," I breathed out. "It's just been a very crazy, emotional night." "Tell me about it," he replied, picking up his White Claw and taking a sip. I eyed the can, desperately wanting to take it from him. "Do you want something to drink?" he asked, catching me watching him. I shook my head. "No, that's fine. I didn't bring any money with me," I answered. Fuck, how was I going to get home? "That's okay. I'll get it for you," he replied, getting up to go to the bar. I grabbed his arm, stopping him. My fingers zinged with electricity the moment I touched him, and I yanked my hand away like I had been burned. He noticed but he didn't say anything. "What is it T? You're acting...strange." I sighed again. "Just a water please. I'll explain when you get back." He nodded, looking at me with a worried gaze, before going to get my water. I wasn't ready to tell him the story of my past. Not the first time, and most definitely not the second time. This was going to be so hard, so very hard and I honestly wasn't sure that I was going to be able to do it. But I was going to try. A few minutes later, he slid back into his side of the booth and held out a water bottle to me. "Here ya go. I'm guessing you didn't want your boyfriend to know you were out drinking, huh? That's okay, I get it," he smiled at me, and winked. I shook my head and chewed my lip. "No Colby. that's not it. I don't drink anymore," I blurted out, my cheeks flaming up when he almost choked on his own drink. "At all. Like, every?" he asked in astonishment. Again, I shook my head. "No, not ever. I can't. I'm- I'm a recovering addict. I can't," I repeated, embarrassed. I know that part of being in recovery is admitting our faults, and facing them, but sometimes, it was just too damn hard to do that. "Whaat?" he breathed out, putting his drink down. "T, why? What happened after I left? I need you to explain. Now," he demanded, his tone hardening. I glanced up at him, and narrowed my own eyes. "I'm not that clueless little girl anymore Colby. You can't just demand that I do something and think that I'm going to do it. This is my business, and I will or won't share with you something about my life, as much as I choose." He held his hands up, his eyebrows high on his face. "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Maybe I did. I just need to know what happened Terra. Was it- I sound like a douche and I hate it, but was it because of me?" he asked, biting his own damn full lip, making my eyes go directly to it. I had my hands on the table in front of me, twisting my rings that I still wore from years ago. I had added to them a little now though, a new one on my thumb, and one that Justin had given me a little while back on my middle finger. He had said that it was a promise ring. A promise that he would always be here for me, and never let me face things alone.