In Another Life

154

"Are we still going out tonight?" I asked Justin, sitting back and laying my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and smiled, before leaning down to kiss me. "If that's what you want to do. We're celebrating for you, so it's whatever you want baby." I sat up and clapped my hands together excitedly. "I just can't believe it happened. Finally. We've been here for two years. I was beginning to think it wasn't going to happen," I replied. He sat up and placed his hand on my thigh. "I never doubted you T. You went through so much, and overcame so much. You worked hard to get where you are. I'm proud of you and I love you." His light green eyes were staring down at me, as he slowly smiled. To think that I kept pushing him away those few years ago. That was before. Before I knew the lengths he would go to for me, before I knew just how much he cared. I was in a bad, bad place. After Colby, I started hanging out with JJ and his crew. Even hooked up with Levi, and we started dating. I was drinking every day and night, and then doing whatever drug was placed in front of me just to help me forget. Then, when I could think about Colby, without it hurting, it was too late. I didn't need the drugs or alcohol for him. I needed them for me. I craved them. I knew that I was in over my head, but I didn't know how to get out. It's a lot easier for someone to say just stop doing it, if they haven't been in that position. If they don't know the power, the pull, that the addictions have over you. I wanted out. I wanted to be myself again, but my body wanted the drugs more. I lost my job working for Sarah's dad, and I stopped hanging out with her, Kenzie, and even Denise. I didn't answer their calls, their texts, and if I saw them in public, I would turn and go the other way. Amber was the only girl that I hung out with at that point, and I was okay with that. I didn't want them seeing me like that, or interfering and trying to stop me. I started dealing for JJ so that I could have money for what I needed. Even got into a few altercations where people thought they could take advantage of me, and steal the stash that I had on me to sell. They were only able to steal it from me once. From that point on, I carried protection. The silver metal would always gleam at me in the street lights, when I went on a run. It comforted me. I was at JJ's place one night, smoking with Levi and Amber, knowing it was laced with something and not caring what it was. My body felt light and floaty. I didn't care about anything but feeling this good. "Nah, she ain't here man." I looked up to see Levi holding the door open, talking to someone. I hadn't even realized that he had gotten up. "I know she's in there. Let me in or I'm going through you," another male voice replied. A familiar voice. "Try it little man. She ain't here. I'd advise you to leave. You don't know what you're getting yourself into," Levi told the guy. Wondered who they were looking for. "Terra?! Are you in there?" the other male voice yelled. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking towards the door. I knew that voice. Why were they looking for me? I stood up, staggering and falling into the coffee table a couple of times, before I was able to somewhat steady myself. I walked over to Levi, and he automatically put his arm around my shoulders. "Terra? Is that you?" I squinted my eyes at the guy, trying to clear my vision a little. Plus it was dark. "Joshua? No, Justin. That's it!" I laughed at myself. "Justin! I know you," I replied stupidly. He shook his head and had a really worried look on his face. "This isn't you. Let me take you home." I shook my head. "I live here now. This is  home. Bye now," I replied, walking away and back to the couch to sit down. "T!" "What?" I automatically asked, turning back to the the sound of my name. "Don't do this. We love you. Sarah, Kenzie, and Denise, they're worried about you. I'm worried about you. Come back to us, please," he begged. I felt my face scrunch up in confusion. They missed me? Why? I was nothing to them, to anyone. People just used me and left me. That's the way it worked. I shook my head. "No, I'm fine here." "You're not coming in. Now back up. You heard the lady," Levi said. I saw him push Justin back out onto the front porch. "I'm coming in. She's coming with me. If you actually cared about her, you'd let me do this," Justin said quietly. His voice had lowered but the resolve in it had hardened. He meant what he said. "Now, you can let me in, but I can make you. Either way, I'm getting her to come with me. Tonight." Levi stood his ground, standing with his feet slightly apart so that he could hold his stance when Justin tried to come at him. I had seen him fight many times on the runs that we would make, or with other dealers. I guess we were kind of part of a gang. I know that I had heard someone talking about it, but I never paid much attention to what was going on around me when I was in this house. Not really sure what happened, but next thing I knew, Justin had picked me up and thrown me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. Maybe I didn't'. I had lost a good bit of weight. After he got me back to his house, because I begged him not to take me to Denise's, he just sat with me. He listened to me talk, whine, beg, plead, and cry. I stayed with him a few days, and he saw me withdraw from the drugs. He helped me. I got sick, oh so very sick, and I wanted to leave, to go get another hit. Finally, the sickness passed.