In Another Life

155

With my permission, Justin checked me into rehab. Three months, I stayed there, unable to speak with anyone from my outside life, unable to leave, because I had waived my right, and given it to Justin. I knew that I would be weak and leave to get another hit as soon as I thought of it. He wouldn't let me leave until the three months were up, and I was reevaluated. They would let us know if they thought I was ready for the outside world again, if I were strong enough, or if I needed to stay another three months. Thankfully, they thought that I would be okay, and after talking with Justin, he agreed. He let me stay with him, instead of going back to Denise's place. It was hers now. Sarah and Kenzie had recently moved in with her to help keep up the rent. I was too ashamed to see them just yet. Justin helped me to keep my mind off of things. It wasn't a romantic thing, but I grew to love him even more for doing what he was doing. After another month of being out of rehab, Justin helped me start a freelance website, and start doing small photography gigs for various events. I did family portraits, weddings, parties, sweet sixteens, and even nature shots for office buildings. I earned a name for myself in our community. Denise kept in touch with Justin, staying updated on how I was. Levi and JJ had even kept in touch for a little while, with him. He finally asked them to stop calling, and told them that I was doing fine, but needed to completely separate myself from that life. I was glad that he did. I was nice to tell them that, but it was true. I couldn't associate myself with them. Not if I planned on staying sober, and I did. I wouldn't go back to that. Never again. I was stronger now, or at least I was trying to be. When I was finally ready to see my old friends, I told Justin to invite them over. I was so nervous, anxiety eating through me so much so that I took it out on my nails. Justin took my hand, drawing it away from my mouth. "Terra, it's going to be fine. They love you and just want to make sure that you're okay. I promise. There's nothing to be nervous about." I sighed, and squeezed his hand. "I will never be able to repay you for what you've done for me Justin. But what if they hate me now? What if they can never forgive me for just bailing on them?" He shook his head at me, just as we heard his doorbell ring. "They forgave you a long time ago. It's going to be okay. I promise, okay?" I nodded, and let his hand go so that he could answer the door. Denise, Sarah, and Kenzie stood in the open doorway, looking as anxious as I felt. Justin stepped back so that they could enter. The room felt awkward and I hated it. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were just staring at me, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea," I replied, looking down to the floor, then heading towards my room. "T, I swear to God, if you walk away from me one more time. Get over here!" I heard Denise exclaim, her voice cracking with emotion. I stopped and turned back towards her, remorse written across my face. "Neece, I-" She shook her head, stopping me from continuing. "No. No apologies. We're just glad to see you. The real you." She stepped towards me, cautiously at first, like she was afraid that I would run or something. I took one step towards her and then it all fell away. The worry, the guilt, the fear, and the pain. All of it. She rushed into my arms then, and both of us held on to each other tight as tears streamed down my face. "I've missed you T," she whispered, rubbing my back. "I've missed you guys too," I choked out, emotion clogging my voice. I caught Sarah's eye then, and motioned for her and Kenzie to come over. They smiled and joined Denise and I in our hug. We all just cried, and hugged one another, our group swaying with our arms around each other. I had my friends back and life just seemed to get even better after that. We all decided to move to LA, Justin included. I thought of Colby sometimes, and the slight ache of what had been would make my breath catch in my throat, but it wasn't as intense as it used to be. Maybe it would always be there. I didn't know, but I had learned to live with it. I had stopped watching his stories, and I had let my fan account go, giving it to another fan. I still loved the guys, but it was a trigger for me and I couldn't let anything stop me from my dreams. So I disconnected from him and the guys completely. My friends still watched their video's and ran their accounts and that was fine. I just couldn't. Justin and I got our own place after I saved up enough from my freelance jobs, and Denise, Sarah, and Kenzie got a place together in LA. After two years, of doing freelance jobs there, I was finally offered a position at a prestige magazine to be their main photographer. I couldn't believe it and that's what we were celebrating tonight. Oddly enough, I hadn't run into Colby or any of the others since moving to LA. Sarah had run into Brennen a couple of weeks back and I knew they were seeing each other, but I never asked questions, and I hadn't seen him. I vaguely wondered how Colby was after all this time, but I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. It was just way too easy to get caught up in all of that again. I was with Justin now, and I didn't regret it. I thought back to the night that we had really cemented our relationship, and I had finally admitted to myself and him that I had fallen for him.