In Another Life

100

I kept forgetting that Justin was here, since all I could see was Colby. I looked over and met his bothered gaze. "Yeah, but you can go ahead. We can ride with Colby. That way you can pick up Shawn and Derek too, and you guys don't have to take so many cars." My car was in the shop right now, crapping out on me just yesterday. I had no clue what was wrong with it, but I knew it would probably cost a lot of money to fix. Tonight was kind of like my last hoorah before I had to start saving every dollar I made to get it fixed. Sarah was going to be taking me back and forth to work until I could make that happen. Justin didn't look too happy with what I said, but Denise bounced up and down on the couch. "Yaaayyy, I can't wait to catch up with you! Plus, you have to call Corey. I can't pass up a chance to at least say hi to him again," she replied, getting a serious look on her face as she stared at Colby. I tried to hold in my laughter but I ended up snorting. Colby looked at me, his gaze going soft. "I've missed that," he said softly. Fucking hell, my heart. It dropped to the pit of my stomach and butterflies made their home there. It had been too long since I had seen him in person, and he had me transfixed with that damn gaze again. "Earth to T, come in T," Necee said, waving her hand in front of my face, breaking my eye contact with Colby. I snapped my gaze to her in annoyance. "What?" I asked, huffing out a breath. She started laughing and shook her head. "Guess nothing has really changed huh?" I rolled my eyes, and blushed when I noticed the small smile on Colby's face. "Okay, shut up," I groaned, leaning into Colby and hiding my face. He chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest. Ugh, I had missed this. "Okay, well...I guess I'll see you guys there then," Justin said, standing. I looked up at him, and then stood. "I'll walk you out," I said, glancing over to Colby. He didn't look pissed, but he didn't look happy either. Just...contemplative. We weren't dating. We weren't dating. I had to keep telling myself this, because I got the need to apologize for hanging out with Justin. I hadn't done anything wrong. Even if we had shared one kiss, when we were both drunk, it meant nothing. I was just tired of feeling heartbroken and alone, and he looked even more like Colby when I was drunk. I had pushed him away a couple of seconds after the kiss started, because it just didn't feel right...he wasn't Colby. But if Colby and I weren't a thing, hadn't clarified anything at all, and I didn't even know if he had been seeing someone, or several someones because pictures of him with girls kept popping up on my damn timeline...then why was I suddenly feeling guilty about one drunken kiss. It didn't make sense. I followed Justin out the door, and closed it behind us. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was gonna show up like this," I said, holding my right elbow with my left arm crossed over my body. Justin didn't say anything, just stared at the ground quietly. "Justin, seriously. I know we were all supposed to go together, but what's the big deal? We'll still meet up there," I tried again. He glanced up and met my gaze, a sadness to his eyes that I didn't like. I really cared for him and I didn't want to hurt him. "This is the Colby guy that you're in love with? The reason you wouldn't give me a chance?" I nodded at him slowly. "Yeah...that's him." He looked to the side, pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay, so what's gonna happen now? Is he gonna stick around? Are you guys gonna be together? Or is he gonna leave you shattered again, leaving me to pick up the pieces." My mouth fell open at the aggression in his voice. "Justin! You didn't even know me until a couple of months ago. I never asked you to wait around and I was straightforwards with you from the start. I don't know what's gonna happen with me and Colby...probably nothing, but it's none of your business!" I was getting mad now, my voice raising with the anger I felt building. "You have no right to come at me like this. None at all. I'm sorry that you like me in that way, and I can't return those feelings right now. I thought we were friends. I thought you knew what you signed up for." My voice cracked a little, because I cry when I get mad. Plus, I was hurt. Justin was my friend and I cared deeply for him. We connected on another level. He got me, he understood me, and he didn't try to change me. I knew he liked me, and maybe I should've tried harder not to lead him on though...instead of letting him wrap his arm around me, or hold my hand sometimes, or dance closely together when we went out. I had told him...but if I were being honest, I enjoyed the attention. I missed meaning something to someone, so maybe I didn't resist quiet hard enough. "T, I'm sorry. We are friends. You know I like you, like, really like you, but I know you don't feel that way about me. I- I just don't want to see you the way you were when we first met. That sadness that was in your eyes shouldn't ever be there. You should always be happy. You deserve it. Colby shouldn't keep you hanging on, if he knows that nothing can amount to it. I'm just saying. But you're right, it's none of my business. I'm gonna go now...pick up my friends," he said sadly, before leaning forwards to kiss my cheek. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears prick. "I would sacrifice my happiness if it meant that you were happy though," he said quietly, his breath brushing my ear. Then he turned and headed down the hallway without looking back. I let out a shaky breath, and straightened my hair, trying to calm myself.