In Another Life

194

The darkness enveloped me, swallowing me whole, until there was nothing left. I was floating, nothing but dark, silent emptiness around me. I'm not sure how long I was there, just floating, but then the silence was broken. Sounds started to come through, as if from far away, but getting closer the longer I listened. I heard Justin crying, screaming my name over and over. And sirens. Loud, shrill sirens that were making my head hurt. I wanted to go deeper into the darkness so that it would silence the noise that was coming through. I tried to answer Justin, to tell him that I was okay, just please be quiet, but I couldn't force the words out of my mouth. I felt his hand on mine, grasping it, but I couldn't make my hand hold his. It wouldn't work. I was still floating in the darkness, surrounded by all of these sounds, able to feel and hear, but unable to interact with the outside world. I couldn't even see it. Was I dying? I couldn't die yet. I was too young, had too many things left to do. An image of Colby popped into my mind, and my heart swelled, almost painfully, matching the pain in my head. I couldn't die yet. I never told him that I love him. That I never stopped loving him. It's always been him, I was just too stubborn to see it, to admit it to myself. "I love you T." His voice broke through all of the sounds, all of the pain, and calmed me. I wasn't going to die. Not yet. I had to tell him that I loved him too. I pushed through the darkness, forcing my mouth to move, and the words to come out. "Luh Colby" I had done it. Maybe not the best but I had done it. I told him. Now I could sleep. My head hurt so very badly. I couldn't fight against the sounds anymore. Justin was still screaming my name, but it was getting farther away, the silence coming back. Finally, it was peaceful so I slept, waking up occasionally, finding myself still floating in the calming darkness. Sometimes, there would be voices, familiar voices, that would break through the darkness, talking to me. Telling me to not give up and that I was stronger than this. Stronger than what? I just wanted to sleep. The darkness was fuzzy now, the feeling familiar in a sense. It reminded me of when I had been on drugs. No worries, no pain, nothing to drive me crazy. Just the total relaxation and fuzzy feeling that they brought on. "How is she doing?" I heard Denise's voice break through the fog again, and tried to smile. How is who doing? I tried to ask but my mouth wasn't cooperating again. "She's stable. She hit her head pretty hard, causing hemorrhaging but we were-" The unfamiliar man's voice started to fade leaving me in the darkness again. The next time voices started coming through, they were loud. People screaming at each other. "What YOU doing here?" That was Justin. I recognized his voice. He was mad again. He was really going to work on that anger problem. Who knew one of the most kind hearted, sweet men that I'd ever known could get so mad. "I called him J. He deserves to know." That quiet voice was Denise. I loved her so much. She had stuck by me through everything, pushed for our friendship, even when I had cut her out of my life. She welcomed me back with open arms. I had really hit the jackpot of friendships with her. "Deserves?! Denise, how could you? He doesn't deserve to know! I'm her boyfriend, not HIM!" What were they talking about? Geez, I wish they'd just shut up, and stop yelling. "You need to leave NOW." Justin again, but who was he talking too. Oh my God, just please let me open my eyes and see what the fuck was going on! I couldn't stand this void, stuck in between nothingness, and the real world, unable to interact with the people that I loved. I hated making them worry about me. "I'm not going anywhere," a quiet, familiar voice said. I knew that voice. I loved that voice. That deep, rumbling voice that had been part of my dreams for so many years. Colby. Warmth spread through my body and I tried to smile again. Still wouldn't work. Damn it, I needed him to stay. Needed to know if he heard me tell him that I love him. "Leave before I make you leave." Justin's hard voice, his determined, angry voice pushed the warmth from my body. He sounded so angry and I knew it was my fault somehow. It was always my fault. I couldn't seem to stop hurting the people that I loved. I needed to tell him to let Colby stay. I wanted them all here. My family. So I pushed hard against the darkness again, using every last little bit of strength that I could find and pushed the word between my lips. "Stay," was all I could muster before the silence dragged me back down. I don't think I was out for very long, before the voices came through again. My body was starting to hurt along with my head. I didn't like this at all. I would've stayed in that darkness, if I didn't need to hear my friends voices. To hear Colby. "I'm not leaving," Colby's voice was the first one I heard this time, but it wasn't the calm soothing one. No, this was cold as ice, hard as steel. Scary and menacing. "You LEAVE! You're the one who put her here! You're the one who wasn't watching the road! This is your FUCKING FAULT! YOU LEAVE!" Please stop with the yelling, oh my head. It was starting to pound now. I really needed them to stop. "FUCK YOU!" I heard Justin yell back. He must be sitting beside me, because his voice was so loud. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!