In Another Life

143

I felt my own tears wetting my lips as they moved against his. He finally broke the kiss, and pulled away from me. "Live your life Terra. I'm not worth it," he said, keeping his hand pressed against the side of my face for a moment, looking into my eyes, before pulling away. He turned towards Sam and held out his hand for the keys. Sam handed them over and the guys piled back into the car after they got our things out of the trunk for us. They all said goodbye one more time first. Colby stood by the car, inside the open driver's door, looking at me over the top of the car. He held his hand up in a half wave then pressed his fingers to his lips. I did the same, then covered my mouth, catching the heart wrenching sob that escaped as I watched him climb into the car and disappear from my view. Denise wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me against her, while we watched them start the car, and pull away. I saw Sam and Corey lift their hands to us in a wave, before they were too far away for me to see. I felt all of my energy deplete from my body, and my knees start to give out. I collapsed to the ground, holding onto Denise. She came with me, holding me against her, as I wailed uselessly into her shoulder. "Shhh, it's okay T. It's gonna be okay," she tried to comfort me as she rocked my body slowly. The pain in my chest was unbearable. Way worse than it had been when we left Florida. Because I still had hope then, but now I knew. This was the end. There was no going back from this. Now I was just another fan. How could I go back to being just a fan? I'm not sure how long we sat there, on the curb, with my best friend letting me cry myself weak, as she held me against her. I hated feeling this way, allowing myself to be so overcome with emotion that I couldn't even function. When my sobs quieted to whimpers, and the tears had finally stopped, Denise took a deep breath. "Are you okay to go inside now?" I nodded, and let her go so that she could stand up. She held her hand out to me, and I allowed her to pull me up as I staggered weakly against her. My strength was gone. Emotionally and physically. I felt like a shell of my former self, walking up the stairs to my apartment. It was over. It was all over, and I was alone again. This time was so much worse than before. Denise led me to the couch, and helped me lie down. She pulled the blanket over me and sat down on the coffee table in front of me. "T, I'm gonna give you time to mourn this. I know it's going to be so hard on you, because whether or not you want to admit it, you are helplessly in love with Colby Brock." I closed my eyes against her words. I knew that. I wasn't stupid...but I wasn't going to admit it, because that would just bring more pain. Better to shove it down and not deal with it. "But you're going to be okay. You're going to come back from this stronger than before. You can get through this and I'll be here for you. Now, I'm going to go make you some hot cocoa and get you some mint chocolate chip ice cream from the freezer. You'll feel a little better after that." She stood and walked to the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts for a few minutes. I couldn't concentrate on any one thing though. There was just a numbness to me now. A dull empty throb of white noise going on inside my head. I kept my eyes closed when Denise came back and pretended to be asleep. "T?" she called. I hated ignoring her, but I just couldn't right now. I needed to be alone. To sleep, to join the emptiness inside of me. I heard her set the cup of cocoa down on the coffee table then walk back to the kitchen. I was guessing to put the ice cream back up. Then she went to her room. I lie there until sleep really did take me. My dreams were full of Colby getting into the car, and leaving me on the side of the road completely alone. I tossed and turned until I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up and turned on the television, setting it to play the most recent YouTube video. I absentmindedly flipped through my phone, looking through random shit on Reddit. "What's up guys, it's Colby Brock. Welcome back to my channel!" My head jerked up and my eyes met that intense blue stare that I loved so much. As it did, a pain ripped through my chest like no other. I actually thought I was having a heart attack. I snatched the remote off of the table and turned the TV off quickly. That was just the world playing a dirty trick on me and it wasn't fair. I needed to go. I needed to get out of this apartment and away from my thoughts. But how would that happen? Where could I go? There was only one person that I could think of that might be able to help me and wouldn't ask too many questions. As much as I loved Denise, I knew that she wouldn't let me avoid this and she would try to make me talk it out. I just couldn't right now. Ice cream wasn't going to fix this. It wasn't going to fix me. I found the name that I was looking for in my contacts and hit send. When that familiar voice picked up, a small warmth flooded me. Not much, and nothing too drastic, but it was there. "Hey, can you meet me at the park? I need to take my mind off of things. I just wanna hang out," I said softly, making sure not to wake Denise. "Yeah, of course. Are you okay Terra?" Justin asked. "I'm fine. Just need a friend that won't make me talk right now J. Please?" "I'll see you soon," he replied. I hung up, grabbed my purse, jacket, and keys, then headed out the door. This was what I needed.